Though I’ve grown to be far more outgoing in college, I’m a natural introvert. Some consider this a weakness or flaw. I disagree. Everyone falls at a different place on the spectrum of introversion to extroversion, and this just means that we need different scenarios to thrive socially. Each point and extreme faces different strengths and weaknesses. As long as wherever you stand does not hinder your life and you don’t use it as crutch/excuse, your place on the spectrum is not a fault.
A few weeks ago, I was thrown into a situation far from my cup of tea: a young professionals social. Upwards of 150 people between the ages of 25 and 35 crowded into a tiny restaurant and were dressed to the hilt. Coming straight from work in business-casual attire, chemistry-lab hair, knowing no one, and being 21, I felt about as out of place as you could get (I learned I was going to the event only a few hours before it began). What do you do?
1. Do what everyone else is doing.
Blending in is good here. See what everybody else thinks is acceptable, and go from there.
2. Move around.
Movement naturally loosens you up and gives more opportunities for casual interaction. If things become awkward, at least you’re never in once place for too long!
3. Piggy-back on a social butterfly.
When you’re around someone social, it’s more natural and less effort to be social. And more conversation means it’s less noticeable/awkward if you’re not in the mood to talk.
4. Find someone who looks as uncomfortable as you feel, and act comfortable together.
Chances are, you aren’t the only one who would rather be binging Netflix avoiding people. Pick out those who aren’t social butterflies- they’re probably looking for another kindred spirit. If nothing else, you can bond over your preference for a calmer situation.
5. Talk to those running the establishment.
They’re around making sure everything is going smoothly and making it their business to be informed of all the happenings of the event. What a great place to pick up interesting info.
6. Find something to do with your hands.
Get some food or a drink. If you’re not hungry, this will at least keep you from crossing your arms. It can also be a conversation starter, and you’ll feel more natural. Physically moving towards the refreshments gives you a chance to scope out the room without looking like a predator.
7. Look up.
Staring at your feet equals unapproachable, and it’s just so much easier if people come to you.
8. Listen in on conversations around you.
I don’t mean in a creepy, eavesdropping way, but you can stumble upon interesting people who you may want to talk with later.
9. Don’t stay silent too long.
Newton’s 3rd law applies.
10. Set goals for yourself.
OK, before that guy gets to the other side of the room, I will approach this group of people. Setting time limits helps.
11. Talk up your friends.
People like people who compliment others. This will help your friends, and people will see you as someone who A) has friends and B) is kind to others, opening up more conversational windows.
12. Avoid extremely controversial topics.
Why make an awkward situation more awkward? Normally I’m a proponent of discussion, but there’s no need to discourage others from conversation.
13. Utilize the information you know that other people want to know.
Did you show up with a cute coworker? Say hi to the person who’s been checking them out from the other side of the room; they’ll want to talk just to get closer to the person you came with. Have a funny story from another time at the venue? Share it- people want to laugh in these situations. Know a great band going to be in town next weekend? See if anyone else is excited for the concert.
14. Act like you know exactly what you’re doing.
No one knows you; they don’t know that you’re the person who prefers to hang out with a couple of friends instead of a room of strangers. For all they know, you were the class clown. You are whoever you present yourself as being. Act like you’re totally cool, and eventually you’ll start to feel that way.
