Schedule those MAC appointments, get your booze bought, and your dresses ordered, because, ladies and gents, date function season is upon us. Are you and that summer love still going strong? Awesome. You and your boyfriend of five years already planned matching outfits? Even better! But for us single sorority girls the terrifying process of finding a date may have us thinking the only men we need in our lives are Ben & Jerry. Here are some of the ultimate struggles you’re bound to encounter while looking for a date this semester.
You don’t have a boyfriend.
Easily the most common struggle of finding a date. But hey, isn’t most of the fun in the search? Haha, just kidding.
You want to ask your best guy friend but he already has “important” plans.
Chances are he would rather watch the game with his boys than be forced into taking those candid pictures of you and your friends for 45 minutes. Honestly I don’t blame him.
When you scan the Google Doc and realizing 99 percent of your sisters already have dates.
And one of them is taking your ex. That betch.
You weigh the pros and cons of taking a random.
It may result in true love, or it may result in a belligerently drunk date who won't stop yelling “YEEZY FOR PREZ” at your chapter president. Good.
You tell your friends you may be down to take a random.
Keyword may. Next thing you know your best friend's', g-big's' boyfriend’s friend is hitting you up asking you on your own date function.
Maybe it would be fun to invite that guy you hooked up with last night, but for some reason you don’t have his phone number.
It’s probably because he left your apartment before the sun came up. You want to be upset, but instead you commend him for managing to navigate his way around your messy room, in the dark, without making a sound. Nicely done, sir.
You want to invite your casual hook up, but they’ll get creeped out and think you want to date them.
Not really sure if it’s the fact that we never text sober, or how I walk the other way when I see you on campus that gives you the relationship vibe. Chances are we just want to take someone who is guaranteed to go home with us at the end of the night, so don’t flatter yourself.
You want to invite a guy you kind of like, but he has a date function the week after.
Hands down the most frustrating issue. If you take him on your date function, but he doesn’t take you on his - that's basically social suicide. If this does happen to you I suggest enrolling in the Witness Protection Program ASAP.
Your coupled-up friends tell you, “It’s not a big deal to go alone” and “You’ll have fun no matter what."
I call BS. I think I would rather break all my ribs than watch you and your date BMO for three hours while I stand by the food table stuffing my face. Just saying.
Good news, you finally found a date!
It’s Joe, your 54 year old Uber driver from the night before. He just left you a voicemail thanking you for inviting him to your date function on Saturday night. He tells you how excited he is to relive his college years, and that his wife most definitely won't mind.
Ben & Jerry look pretty good now, don't they?
With four semesters of functions under my belt, I have had my fair share of complications in finding a date. I can say, though, that my best memories rarely include the boy I took, but rather the crazy and fun things I did with my sisters by my side.
