I've been sitting here typing and deleting, typing and deleting, and so forth because I don't know how to start this. This is a very vulnerable subject for me and I know that I need to put this out there for the people who feel the same way about having trouble grasping on the knowledge that is taught in a classroom.

For as long as I can remember, school did not come easy to me. At first, I didn't know I was not good at school. I thought I was at the same level as all of my classmates. I was just your average high school student-athlete going to morning shootarounds, attending every class period, doing the classwork and homework in class, going to practice/playing basketball games after school, then crash at home and finish up the homework I didn't finish during the day, and start the routine over again. I didn't incorporate that I wasn't comprehending what was being taught in the classroom. The way my brain was wired was honestly so screwed up. I thought getting a C on a test was great for me. Sure, a B or an A would have been better to get, but a C meant that I was still passing and still okay. I don't know about you, but having the thought process of getting C's is a good thing, is definitely not a good thing.

When I found that I wasn't understanding the material, I started to doubt myself and went to a dark place. I stopped caring about my academics and didn't want to get better. I stopped applying myself to become better. I didn't finish my assignments, I didn't finish my tests, I gave up easily, my grades started to slip and then I was failing out of school. (Granted I had other stuff going on outside of school, but that's for another article to explain). I was always jealous of my friends and siblings because they all got great grades and I was the one that hid my grades and just lied about what I got on the assignment. I felt so dumb and I believed that I was dumb and there was no way I could ever be smart. I didn't understand why I wasn't as smart as my friends and especially my family. My Mom, Dad, and my biological younger sister are so intelligent and successful in school. And here I am having so much trouble just grasping onto the material and feeling uneducated. During high school, I centered my life around everything else other than learning. I cared more about social media, my social life, basketball from time to time, being with my family, and so forth. I was too concerned about my image and how people viewed me from the outside, I didn't even think to precision about what was inside, my brain. From the lacking of caring, I wasn't soaking up knowledge quickly and that made me feel unintelligent, and like I said before I tricked myself into thinking like that as well.

As time went on and I still thought I was literally not smart at all, applying for college was approaching. I thought that my grades and GPA were in a right place to get into any university in the States. Boy, was I wrong. My only option at the time was a local college (the one I go to now) or a community college that people looked down upon. (I did have offers/scholarships from great colleges for basketball which they said they would have helped me with my grades and such; then I tore my meniscus...). Naturally, I chose the community college because I thought I was too stupid to get into anywhere else. Watching my friends get into better universities than me made me feel like I didn't deserve to be their friend and also I felt like I was letting my family down because I was not as smart as them.

Summer of going into freshman year of college and I was all set to go to this community college. During my time at that community college I felt so damn stupid I wanted to drop out of college cold turkey and forget about school forever. For some reason, I thought I would be doing so great in my classes and online classes, but since I technically haven't studied hard in 4 years I didn't study hard enough for my college courses.

Months after struggling a light bulb went on. I was understanding the material, I was making all A's, and I was starting to feel better about myself. I wanted to get out of this community college and get a better education for my sanity and future. I had an amazing advisor at the community college and she helped me out so much that I was getting comfortable calling her at 2 AM. She and I came up with a solution to get me to transfer to the university I wanted to go to in the first place. She told me one time, "We can do all of this planning and YOU are the one needs to fulfill this. Not me. Not your parents or friends. You have control of your future." And she was right. I have the ability to turn my life around. And I did.

Now, I go to a great university in Georgia and I am double majoring with a minor. I have an internship that I love dearly. I have a great position with the Odyssey community and it's making me become a better person each day. My GPA is outstanding and I have gotten accepted into 2 Georgia universities for graduate school and 1 Ivy League school. Do I still struggle in grasping the material? Yes, I do. It's not easy at times, but I apply myself and change my thinking. I know I am smart and I know that I can be the best version of myself. Self-doubt and thinking unhealthy set me up for failure. It lead me to believe in the negative things I was thinking about myself. I don't let those thoughts come into my head anymore, because they are not accurate. I believe in myself and that is all I need.