"All fields are created equal." Gimme a break. That hollow promise has been tested and proven false. That's right, I ran the tests. Although every playable level in NFL Street is unique and representative of its division, some of the levels just plain bite chalk. So no, it's not just you, some of the fields in this game make your life much harder than it needs to be, especially when you just can't get a fun writing job. My cries for help induce laughter, but in the end, is the joy I attempt to sell worth anything if I give everything and leave none for myself? Let's dig in, shall we (to the different fields, not my emotional stability, which is teetering between "infomercial on treadmill TV" and "yard sale at night")?

There are eight playable fields in NFL Street. Six of them are pretty neat. The other two I have major beef with. I can't post pictures of the levels because I don't think I have legal permission and I also don't have a good camera, so I'll just post some kind of fun picture for each one. EA Big is dissolved, but EA would eat me alive if I posted the pictures from their game, even though I doubt they will never see this or anything I ever write based on how fate is treating me lately.

1. EA Field (NFC West; San Francisco, CA)

EA Field is the most basic field of play, but it's also the most appropriate. Imagine my surprise when the first level of the game was not a street, but a field with grass and all. I like EA Field because it's wide and both teams can get a lot accomplished easily, making for fun football feats. It's a great area to experiment with new strategies and bust balls. In NFL Challenge mode, this is where you square up against the NFC West, which is comprised of the Cardinals, the Seahawks, the 49ers and the Rams. Two birds, a goat and a freaking number. The jokes write themselves, people!

2. West Coast (AFC West; San Diego, CA)

I guess someone who made this game really liked California. Or that's where the developer studio was before they were consumed by the analog stick tycoon known as EA Games, widely known as Big Anal. The West Coast level is pretty much a beach. I don't think the sand has too much of a slow-down effect, and if you run into a beach ball you're unhindered. This is a solid level, home to the Chiefs, the Broncos, the Raiders and the Chargers. The AFC East is like a bargain bin of mascots. What even is a Charger?

3. City Limits (NFC North; Detroit, MI)

Remember when I said I had major beef with two levels? City limits has tested my limit plenty of times. The turf in this level is mud. Straight up mud. This mud realistically slows your characters and can cause slipping when performing spins, jukes or jumps. What is there to like? You're playing in junkyard mud next to a dumpster underneath an overpass. I feel bad for the teams that were waiting in this dismal dump until I came by to handle them accordingly. It is within this pigpen that you will face the Vikings, the Packers, the Lions and da bears.

4. Legends Park (AFC North; Cleveland, OH)

I think Legends Park is supposed to be a field outside of a hall of fame-type structure. This is real street ball, as the turf is brown concrete. This is a great level. It's nicely-sized and is humble in appearance despite being home to the NFL Legends team. They sit outside waiting for your created team to arrive so they can finally know respite. In the meantime, you'll face off against the Steelers, the Ravens, the Browns and the Bengals. The Bengals had an actual tiger logo in this game, unlike that minimalist letter "B" they decided to run with later on. Cool jerseys, though.

5. Da Roof (NFC South; Atlanta, GA)

Careful not to look down or you'll witness something you can't reverse. Conceptually, this is my favorite level. Football on a roof? Hell yeah. It's a fine level in its design, too. This is where the Falcons, the Saints, the Panthers and the Buccaneers live like pigeons.

6. Warehouse (AFC East; Miami, FL)

The warehouse doesn't bother me, it's a fine level and everything, but I'm a little disappointed that it's just a warehouse. Is Florida known for its warehouses? I feel like there are thousands of warehouses across the country inside and out of Florida. I would've preferred to see a field on an everglade or something, but playing in a swamp would probably be scary and not fun. The boys here love to ball after work. What boys you ask? Why, I thought you'd never ask. I'm talking about the Bills, the Patriots, the Dolphins and the Jets, all items that can easily be shipped and delivered.

7. The Pit (NFC East; New York, NY)

Let me tell you something. No number of "I heart NY" shirts can cover The Pit from NFL Street. This is the worst level in my opinion. It feels so narrow and claustrophobic, and not just because it's snowing (it's Santa, he's trying to make a Santa Claus correlation with snow and the "claus" in claustrophobic). If you don't despise this place, I salute you. It's difficult to get very far without hitting a bench or getting dogged, regardless of who's naughty or nice. You can't run with anything here, whether it's a football or a misguided Christmas joke. This vile pit is home to the Eagles, the Giants, the Redskins (I don't even like typing that word) and the Cowboys (ugh).

8. The Courtyard (AFC East; Houston, TX)

Now this is a field fit for a Christmas joke. Located in Ho-ho-Houston, Texas, this little slice of heat is perfect for intense match-ups. The field is pretty narrow but I love the vibe here. It's in the middle of a market or the Alamo or something. Dusty level. The teams you'll face here are the Patriots, the Jaguars, the Titans and the Texans.

In my opinion, The Pit and City Limits are not fun to play on. I usually opt for EA Field and Da Roof, although really any level that's not in mud or snow is good enough for me. That's it for today. I'm a little sad that tomorrow is the final day of Street Week 2017, but I hope it's been entertaining so far!