It was an evening just like any other when you came into my life. I would like to say that I knew immediately what you would become to me, but I didn’t. That took months of late nights that turned into early mornings, talking for hours about the difficult things, and sharing truths under the weak light of dawn. It took a summer and the following autumn for you to become my best friend, but by the time I realized it, that’s what you were.
It took your steady hands to break down the walls that years of liars and false prophets forced me to build. I found myself trusting you as you followed your words with actions. And when I needed a shoulder to cry on, yours was always there. I don’t even mean that metaphorically. You could read that I needed you from one half-hearted text, and then you would arrive by my side just in time for my head to fall under the weight. When the worst happened, we clung to each other in the face of tragedy and despair. I never would’ve believed I could be so lucky as to have a friend like you. I thought that would last forever. But I was wrong.
It is the harshest truth of my lifetime that a woman hurt me worse than a man ever could. You expect romances to come and go, strangers to become lovers and lovers to become strangers. But you don’t expect that to happen with your friends. Maybe you grow apart as teenage years fade into adulthood, but I couldn’t see that happening to us. But it has now been one thousand and seventeen days, five hours, thirty-four minutes, and forty seconds since you spoke to me. Forty-one. Forty-two. Forty-three. I have spent far too much time trying to analyze why you vanished from my life without a trace. And while I think I have a pretty good idea, I guess you’re probably the only one who knows for sure.
My life is good. I have a lot of people and things to be thankful for. And I hope that your life is good as well. I will not carry bitterness or wear this pain like a weight on my soul. I will always wish the best for you, and hope that you find all that you’ve been seeking. For whatever reason our paths diverged from one another, know that I will never forget the time when we walked together.
I don’t know if you’ll ever read this. Honestly, that’s not why I wrote it. You chose to end the conversation, but I still had more to say. As we go forth in our respective lives, we are not friends. I will not ever be your friend again. You will not be my maid of honor, or the godmother to my children. You will not be there for my triumphs, and you will not see my pain. But know, above all else, that if you ever need me, I am still here. I will still hold the weight of your head on my shoulder. I will still squeeze your hand, and help you to keep going. I am still here, forever.
