Everyone wants to believe that there is someone out there that is made exactly for them. Everyone wants to believe in a true, all-encompassing love that may or may not exist. I’ve always been the type of person that compares my relationships to the people I read about in my books. I want the love where you touch someone and you feel sparks in your veins. I want the love where you kiss someone and it’s like nothing else matters. I want that storybook love, but for the life of me, I can’t decide if it’s something I should really count on or not.

I’ve always been an avid lover of books. I love the idea that words can inspire emotions. Words are the sole entity that creates worlds. Everything we know, love and understand is all thanks to the names we assign to things so that we can communicate to others. Words imply power. They are creation and they are destruction. Every relationship I’ve ever had has been built on words. Relationships rely on words to thrive. To survive.

“I love you.”

“I trust you.”

Authors take advantage of their power. They spin their own versions of reality. My image of an actual relationship is skewed because I have unrealistic expectations from the people around me. Nicholas Sparks, I’m talking to you. The words and the emotions draw me in. If the relationship I’m in doesn’t match up to that feeling you get when you read about true love, I end it. Is that realistic or fair in any way? Absolutely not.

I’ve come so close to that feeling. The one where you look at someone and your insides melt. The one where they touch you and you feel like your heart is going to burst out of your chest. I get so close, and something holds me back. I feel all of these amazing emotions, and then my mind tells me that it isn’t real. It tells me that this will never last and that I shouldn’t get my hopes up because I will get my heart broken. I build a nearly impenetrable wall that only I can break down. I get so close to the love that I desire, but my mind sabotages me.

In the books, the protagonist, usually a female, meets this man whom she has an instant connect with, but denies for some reason or another. There is always some obstacle in the way, but ultimately, they end up together, just for something to inevitably break them apart. In the end, love prevails and the couple manages to break through every obstacle thrown their way. My relationships have never been like that. The problem with this kind of love is that there is nothing real getting in the way. The obstacles they face usually don’t involve the struggle to adapt to living together for the first time, the way the relationship tenses when one side doesn’t have any money or the way they stop looking at you like you’re the most jaw-dropping person in the room. Real life is never the same as the books.

I want to believe in a love like that of Noah and Ally. I want to believe that love doesn’t fade and that it doesn’t get repetitive. I want to believe that those icy blue eyes will pierce my soul the same way for the rest of my life. I believe that true love does exist. I believe that there is a certain person for everyone. I just don’t know if I can talk myself into believing in that storybook, too good to be true kind of love bullshit that authors love to spew in their novels.

Find someone whose demons play well with yours and then never let them go.