I Stopped Apologizing And Here's Why

I Stopped Apologizing And Here's Why

Apologies are great until you ruin the meaning.
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In a conversation, if I were to be speaking to my friend or my girlfriend one on one about something which I found entertaining or enjoyable and they responded shortly, my emotions kicked in. I would instantly begin to wonder why they weren’t as happy as I were, and assume it was my own doing. A short “lmao” compared to their usually “omg asdhjsf” wasn’t right. Being someone who has a fear of upsetting others without knowing what I had done, I would apologize immediately. They would then ask “for what?” or “why?”

I didn’t know.

And that was the problem, wasn't it? Why apologize for something which you have no clue why you’re apologizing? I suppose I used it as a filler word, much like a speaker may use “um” or “uh” in a presentation. Constantly, I would apologize for I didn’t know what, and constantly I would be greeted with “it’s fine!”, “you’re fine”, and eventually the all telling, “i don’t know why you’re apologizing.”

It wasn’t long before my girlfriend started to show more and more signs of frustration with me, which I understood greatly. I would get annoyed too, after all, and I’m not just saying that. It had gotten to the point in which we had almost broken up due to this. While I knew it was a harmless tick, she made a point. My real apologies were muddled in with the messy, questionable apologies. It had gotten so bad as to drive us near the point of a break up, with her stress and my constant “I’m sorries”, even as pity as in “I’m sorry you’re sick”. Now, to some this may seem as a flaw on her part, but she made perfect sense. There was no line that differentiated my real apologies from the nothings, and it needed to stop. I needed to break the filler.

So I did.

Since before New Years, I have greatly cut back on my apologies. No more “I’m sorry I’m talking so much”, “I’m sorry you’re sick”, “I’m sorry, I was doing this.” None of it. And it has helped so, so much.

By cutting back on my apologies, I have learned to communicate better and not rely on the crutch that was “I’m sorry.” The key is to delete “I’m sorry” and continue on with the sentence, then delete those words before sending them. It helps to communicate better without taking fault for something out of my control, something which has nothing to do with me or my being.

It has helped me to converse better, not just communicate. Like above, “I’m sorry you’re sick” turns into “you’re sick.” Well that doesn’t carry on the conversation, not one bit, does it? You try to respond to it, go on. By deleting the “I’m sorry” from my vocabulary, I have to elaborate or come up with a question for the other and contribute further. “You’re sick” turns into “well what's wrong?”, “what do you think it is?”, “what are the symptoms?” It would never have gotten that far with “I’m sorry,” I would have only been met with “”it’s okay!”, “it’s not your fault!” and how self centered was that?

I have learned acceptance. Talking too much is still a fear of mine, I would never want to bother someone with being the overbearing friend, or being too talkative, but I no longer assume the reason their mood changes is due to me. Especially in the world of text. If the other party’s mood changes, I resist the apology and continue on with my own words. If it continues, I will ask the other if they’re okay. Usually, it is met with a “yeah” (or a preferred and more enthusiastic “yeah!”) and I would then explain why I came to the conclusion to ask. If it is not alright with the other, I will offer my shoulder and be there for them if they choose; but I won’t apologize until I know it is something in my control.

It took a lot of willpower, but I’m happy I did it. I’m thankful she was my wake up call, because since apologizing our communication has gotten a lot better, and my mistakes are fixed a lot easier because she knows I am careful with my words. All it took was one good wake up call before I realized that apologizing too often was a cop out, and those words should be saved for the screw ups and not for the awkward gaps.

I believe Apologies contributed heavily to my socially awkward self, and maybe even my “slight” anxiety. Apologies were just natural, but self control has helped me to refrain and learn more about the other party as opposed to worrying about myself first. Now that I look back on it, the apologies I made were rather selfish, and I could would have been annoyed at the extent my apologies went.

Apologies are meant for genuine mistakes, not small inconveniences or awkward silences, and should be used accordingly, careful to not diminish the meaning.

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To The Grandmothers Who Made Us The Women We Are Today

Sincerely, the loving granddaughters.
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The relationship between a grandmother and her granddaughter is something so uniquely special and something to be treasured forever.

Your grandma loves you like you are her own daughter and adores you no matter what. She is the first person you run to when you have a problem with your parents and she never fails to grace you with the most comforting advice.

She may be guilty of spoiling you rotten but still makes sure to stress the importance of being thankful and kind.

Your grandma has most likely lived through every obstacle that you are experiencing now as a young adult and always knows just exactly what to say.

She grew up in another generation where things were probably much harder for young women than they are today.

She is a walking example of perseverance, strength, and grace who you aim to be like someday.

Your grandma teaches you the lessons she had to learn the hard way because she does not want you to make the same mistakes she did when she was growing up.

Her hugs never fail to warm your heart, her smile never fails to make you smile, and her laugh never fails to brighten your day.

She inspires you to be the best version of yourself that you can be.

You only hope that one day you can be the mother and grandmother she was to you.

A piece of girl’s heart will forever belong to her grandma that no one could ever replace.

She is the matriarch of your family and is the glue that holds you all together.

Grandmothers play such an important role in helping their granddaughters to grow into strong, intelligent, kind women.

She teaches you how to love and how to forgive.

Without the unconditional love of your grandma, you would not be the woman you are today.

To all of the grandmothers out there, thank you for being you.

Sincerely,

the loving granddaughters

Cover Image Credit: Carlie Konuch

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Being The Last Friend To Turn 21 Isn't ALL Bad

All your friends have turned 21, but that is okay

Cassidy
Cassidy
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You may think being the last one out of your friend group to turn twenty-one is the worst thing in the world, but in all honesty, it doesn't have to be. One of the biggest perks is that everyone of your friends can go out to the bars with you on your birthday. All the people who turn twenty-one first have to wait for people to be able to go out with them, but you get to celebrate your birthday with all of your friends.

Another huge reason you should feel okay with being last to turn twenty-one is thinking about all the money you are saving. The bars are expensive. When you don't go to the bars you are saving so much money because an average bar drink is about seven dollars. This being said seven dollars multiple times a night, multiple nights a week really adds up, so you are going to have to budget your money better.

You don't have to be the one to buy alcohol for everyone else. Having a ton of people ask you to buy them alcohol must get annoying at a point, and if you're the youngest out of your friends, no one will be asking you to do liquor store runs for them because they can all go already for themselves.

The biggest reason is that you can enjoy being young. You should still continue to enjoy going to house parties and just being able to hang out with friends without having to go to the bars. Spend these months before you turn twenty-one just being able to enjoy life without feeling obligated to go out to the bars all the time. You have a great excuse when you don't want to drink on a weekday to just stay in. This being said it will be your turn to turn twenty-one soon.

Cassidy
Cassidy

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