My entire life I've struggled with how I look. I'm sure a lot of people can say this. I worried about my clothes, or how my stomach is not flat like everyone else. I remember being super jealous of my friend when she got to wear black mascara at 12. I had always thought being like everyone else, or trying to be like everyone else would help. I begged my mom to let me wear mascara. It wasn't until I was 14 that I could dabble in the world of makeup.
Back then my routine was simple. Swipe on some eyeshadow, put on some mascara, lipgloss, and if I felt it that day eyeliner. I didn't worry about pimples as much and I started loving my freckles. It seemed to make everything easier. I felt better about who I was.
I obviously have done some growing and some realizing since then. A year or two into makeup I started using more than three items. I found Youtube and was getting much better. Now I'm 16 and I'm better at makeup than anyone else I know. This is because I LOVE it. In the beginning of high school I didn't know what highlight was or even what fashion was. I've grown to be a better version of myself and not anyone else. I don't care about my stomach or that not everyone else wears big hoop earrings like I do. I am so much more comfortable with myself than ever before. I love doing my makeup when I feel like it. I love doing my eyebrows and putting on a poppin highlight. I've learned how to be confident. I may have a stash of lipsticks I wear but I've learned to be so much more than everyone else.
What you might not know is how your confidence is diminished because people think they have the right to comment on what you do.
"Why do you wear so much makeup?"
"Why are you wearing all black clothing?"
"What's with the fake lashes?"
Just when you think that you've learned to love the person you are and you are now untouchable people still bring you down. Like being the little fourth grader who wanted to be accepted to the high schooler who just wants to accept herself people will always tell you they think you're wrong.
One Sunday I walked into church wearing an outfit I liked and that my mom accepted. I wore a snatched looking face like always. I felt good this day. I sat to talk with some friends.
One of them had complimented me and said, "You look good today Alyssa."
I turn and smiled saying, "Thank you I know."
I said this mostly as a joke but they scoffed and retorted with,"Oh humble are we?"
Yes, I felt very good that day. Was thinking you looked good not humble? I am not one to tell you about my achievements or like to stare at myself in a mirror. I care much more about myself than just my looks. I cared that I was a good person, that I was smart, and that I was more than just a pretty face.
Mama raised more than a self-centered little girl.
This was not the first time I was told to be "humble" because I had said something about feeling good or even said "My eyebrows are looking good."
It started to get more and more annoying that people couldn't accept that I loved makeup and myself. I have my bad days where I start to think I need to lose a couple pounds or I hated the acne on my face. On other days I loved my thick thighs and my hazel eyes.
So stop telling me to be humble.
It a never ending cycle of hate. You judge yourself or others judge you. Not enough people have good thought about themselves. Why take that away from someone? I don't sit on a pedestal and talk your ear off about myself.
A different Sunday I wore no makeup to church because I had painful dry red patches on my face. Makeup would make that worse. One of my guy friends had said, "What wrong with your face?" Another had said, "Are you crying?" This made me mad. Either I wear to much makeup to them or I look sick to them. So much for being humble?
My friends had started making more comments like "Well aren't you confident." I am confident that God made me just how he wanted. I am confident that I'm not perfect and never will be. I am confident because I know there is more than just my looks.
So please stop telling me to be humble.
I have struggles just like everyone else. I don't think I'm better than everyone else. I am aloud to know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Being humble doesn't mean you can't love yourself. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Matthew 23:12 "For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted."