My sixteenth year was the hardest one yet. It was a year full of loss; the loss of close family members, the loss of friends, and somewhere along the way, the loss of myself.

I reached a point at which I realized I was not happy, or, should I say, I had no joy. Joy is different from happiness in the way it radiates. Joy is not simply an emotion or expression. It is all consuming. Joy is unique because it fills you up, to be "joyful" is to be "full". But what is "Joy" full of? God answered this in a unique way in my life.

Once I realized my life lacked joy, I ran to the same place I have for many years.. God. God and I have always had a relationship. We talked daily, I prayed nightly, and people knew I was living for him.

But that was the problem, people knew.

To the people who knew me it must have seemed like there were many different versions of myself. And over time God revealed to me that i was bringing more damage to his kingdom than I was glory.

I kept asking God:

"Okay whats next?"

His answer to this prayer would soon become a major turning point in my life. God did not take this lightly, and his plan was so much bigger than I realized.

God sent me a group of girls.

But what He really sent me when He sent these girls was accountability, fellowship, and security. These girls were willing to love, go, and do for me.. and I was willing to do the same. We were able to encourage each other constantly even though we were from all different walks of life and at different places in our faith.

God not only answered a prayer that day; He filled a void in my life. He sent me something I did not even realize I needed. He sent me people full of joy. These girls live with such joy. And that day I realized: I was striving for happiness when I needed to be searching for joy.

I wanted a "quick fix". I just wanted to be happy. But little did I know, happiness does not last. It is fleeting. Happiness is only a distraction, it is temporary, but joy will make you content.

My search for joy has been one of the most fulfilling adventures of my life. When I asked God to give me joy the answer was simple: It was right in front of me. I needed to delight in the little things. It was time i start realizing what God had given me really was enough.

I can not say that i found joy and magically became a better person. That is not what God expected. But what I can tell you is that I fell in love with my life. I realized how much God has blessed me and what wonders he has worked in my life. This allowed me to become "filled up" again.

God did not create a seamless life for us, he created one of beauty and wonder and awe. Each life he created is full of these things. That is the joy. Discovering the world is imperfect but still so beautiful. This is also something we must realize about ourselves, we are imperfect humans but we are still so beautiful.

So be "beauti-FULL". Delight in all of the little things and stand in awe at the beauty. Find the joy because it is in all the little things.

With love,

Marge