I am literally so tired of hearing people say literally. It is the literal worst, and I mean that in the most literal sense.
I would argue that 90 percent of the time when someone says the ‘L’ word, it can either be replaced by figuratively (the word you most likely actually meant), or erased entirely from the sentence itself.
I am literally dying.
No, you LITERALLY aren’t because if you were, there’s a 100% chance you would choose a more appropriate dying sentence than that.
I am literally starving to death.
No, you LITERALLY are not, because the people who are literally starving to death would never mutter those words in a confident voice followed by a, “so can we stop to eat somewhere really quickly?”
I literally can’t even.
LITERALLY STOP. What does that sentence even mean? You can’t what? I bet you’re saying that as you continue doing whatever it is that you literally can’t do. This is often used in situations in which the speaker could say, “Wow that’s so cute!” or “No way! Are you serious?!” or “She did WHAT?” so pick one of the latter, please. Literally, you can.
I literally just ran four miles.
What does it look like to figuratively run four miles? It’s impossible. Just remove the word entirely and you have a much better sentence, and you’ve saved yourself the energy of producing four extra syllables; if you just ran four miles you shouldn’t have the energy to say literally, anyway.
That is literally the best.
I bet it LITERALLY isn’t. Anytime you say that phrase, you could most likely think of 10 things that are better than whatever you originally thought was worthy of being deemed the best. I love a big slice of greasy pizza just as much as the next guy, but that piece of pizza is not ‘literally’ the best thing on this entire planet.
I literally just pooped in my pants.
That is LITERALLY disgusting and not something you should proudly advertise. But if you did, in fact, just defecate in your pants, then it is by all means necessary throw in the ‘L’ word because everyone will assume you're just trying to be funny and misusing the word. But I bet you didn't.
I literally have no idea.
Why? Why do you have to say that? Nobody's knowledge is infinite, so just proudly admit, “I have no idea,” or “That’s a great question,” or for heavens sake if it’s a question like “How did that happen?” or "Why did you do that?" JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION. Stop adding the 'L' word to emphasize the fact that you don't know something.
I literally hate you.
Nine out of 10 times, the victim of this phrase is a significant other. If you LITERALLY hate them so much, nobody is forcing you to be in that relationship. You can literally just walk away, all while saving he/she the pain of having to hear you say this dreadful sentence.
If you feel the need to preface every single thing you say with literally, then there’s an issue. Saying you went to the grocery store is no different than saying you literally went to the grocery story. Nobody will automatically assume that you somehow figuratively went to get groceries.
The English language took a turn for the worst when dictionaries everywhere added the second definition of the word literally, “used for emphasis while not being literally true.” The definition of literally is now the exact opposite of what the word itself actually means.
This has literally got to stop because pretty soon 'yes' will also mean 'no' and there's no bouncing back from that travesty.
