Stop saying you're sorry for things you aren’t sorry about. Stop saying it when you don’t mean it. Stop saying it when it's not necessary. Just stop it.
Recently, I’ve come across numerous articles that discuss apologies and how they are being used in our daily vocabulary in an almost unhealthy way. Whether it be someone saying "I’m sorry," people offering remorse for impeding on someone’s day, etc.
“I hope you don’t mind….”
“I hate to ask…”
“Sorry to bother you…”
People constantly apologize and don’t actually mean it. So why are we constantly apologizing to someone when we don’t even mean it? Is it to be polite? Is it to get the person to leave us alone? Sometimes people use it to communicate remorse, other times people use it to seem less aggressive or hostile. We constantly use these in our day-to-day lives. It comes in the form of simply not holding the door open for someone, all the way to upsetting a friend.
I’ve read several articles on this topic and was provoked by them to reflect on my own use of the phrase, "I’m sorry."
I decided to count how many times the words “I’m sorry” came out of my mouth. In one day, between three classes, two hours at work, Ultimate Frisbee practice and about 10 emails (give or take), I said I’m sorry 35 times. Wow, that’s crazy.
The day after, I decided to refrain from using the words “I’m sorry” but even then, apologies were still uttered for things that I didn’t mean or care about. The following day after that, I thought about what I was actually sorry for. Was I sorry that I was interrupting my TA while she rummaged her Facebook feed to ask her questions about an upcoming exam? Was I really sorry that I didn’t wait an extra five seconds to hold the door open for a stranger? Was I genuinely sorry that I was asking my boss if I could adjust my office hours for the coming week? The real answer is no. I was not sorry in the slightest.
Women, more so than men, will apologize before requesting something or asking a favor. We overuse these terms in both our professional and personal lives. However, this is not a behavior strict to women because men do it as well. Apologies and “I’m sorry's" can almost be seen as apologetic or courteous word vomit. We don’t actually mean it when we say it. It just comes out. Saying you're sorry tends to change the way you are perceived.
This article is not meant to deter anyone from being a good person or polite, but to shed light on how one’s word choice can affect the way they are perceived. It can cause someone to be perceived as a "pushover" or to deter them from being perceived as aggressive.
So stop with the word vomit. Stop apologizing, only be sorry for what you need to be and don’t say you’re sorry for being you.
