I am appalled. I am hurt. I am frightened.
Philando Castile. Dead.
Shot in his car with his girlfriend and child near him. The police shot a man when his child was there. They shot a man.
I have seen the video. I watched Philando Castile bleed to death. I watched the police do nothing. I watched the policeman point his gun at the man he has already shot four times. I watched Lavish Reynolds be arrested while her boyfriend lay dying. I have heard her words. "Please, don't tell me my boyfriend is dead." I have heard how her daughter, only four years old, try to console her.
Philando Castile. Dead.
He did not deserve this.
Alton Sterling. Dead.
Shot in his chest by police officers while pinned on the ground. The police shot a man who could not even move enough to defend himself. They shot a man for selling CD's. They shot a man.
I couldn't get through this video. I couldn't breathe. It's too much, it's too much. But, I heard the shots.
Alton Sterling. Dead.
He did not deserve this.
Five Dallas police officers shot at a peaceful protest. Another six wounded.
The protest was to stand in solidarity for Castile and Sterling.
They did not deserve this.
My little sister asks me if the KKK is in Minnesota. She worries about getting shot as we walk to Target. My little sister is afraid.
Minnesota is where I live. Louisiana is in my blood. I have family in Georgia. But, I will never feel safe in these places again. My melanin starts to burn and I feel as if I am nine years old again. I want to scrape the black off my skin again.
I think of my brothers and my nephew. I think of my cousins and my uncle. I think of my father who I haven't seen since I was 16 and I fear for his life. I am scared that one day I will see his face on the news and know that I never got to tell him how much I missed him. I think of the man who has taken his place and I lie awake praying to my goddess that this will not be the way he goes.
I know that these killings aren't new. I have always had a problem with the way the police treat people. They have a God complex. I used to watch COPS on TV and feel my stomach churn as they placed a mesh bag over a woman who was clearly having a panic attack. I close my eyes as they tackled a young Latino boy, but I could still hear him scream. This was years ago.
When are things going to change?
Trump spews bullshit every time he opens his mouth. He unearthed a legion of racist and violent people who finally feel free to spread their hate. Let's make America great again? Are you talking about the years my ancestors built this place on their backs? Or when Asian Americans were placed in our very own concentration camps? Maybe you mean when the government did everything they could to wipe out the cultures of Native Americans. Or perhaps when you could see the bodies of black people swinging from your neighborhood trees? America was never great. And we are still a long way from it.
I will support my people. I will stand by their side. I am afraid for my life but you will see me march, picket, and shout until things change.
