This may be a bit much but recently I was dickfished yet again. Dickfish is the same as being catfished except that the ding-a-ling pic isn’t the same. I met a nice guy on Tinder and I thought I had it made. He was funny, sweet, handsome and dtf. We switched over to Kik and kept messaging. I mean this guy really seemed interesting enough to be more than a one night stand. This guy was Summer Friends with Benefits material with caps. Boy I was ready.
So the time came where nudes were in order. I mean we’re both grown and we both know what’s going to happen. So we sexted and when I saw what he was swanging I praised danced. And when your dick pic can get an atheist to praise dance you’ve made it.
All that was missing was the meet up which was scheduled for that Wednesday night. I was so excited that whole day. When it was close to the meet up time I went to the bathroom to complete my pre-sex ritual. I had Childish Gambino and Somo playing because CG gets me pumped and Somo would have me put something down the likes of which that boy never seen. I washed my hair, shaved, moisturized, used the good body wash, etc. Bitch I came out that shower like a wet baby seal!
I leave the bathroom smelling of seduction and enchantment only to check my phone and see we would have to reschedule for Saturday. I was beyond livid.
I mean I had to search for matching bra and panties only to be left hanging. I took to Whisper to let out my frustrations just to find out Whisper is full of creeps. I was so disappointed but he sent me more nudes so your home girl was chilling.
Saturday comes and I’m putting in less work because I don’t want to be stood up again. I take a shower, throw on underwear that have the same color, and then put on some sweats, a tee and some sneakers. I ain’t got time for the games. I meet him at a designated location a few blocks away because I don’t want him coming to look for me if things don’t go as planned. Throwing rocks at my window and putting the air conditioner at risk and all.
So we get to his place and it’s awkward because I don’t want to tell him to get right to it and he’s just sitting there not making any moves so I’m thinking he might want to talk first. We watch an entire movie before he even puts his arm around me. By now I’m ready to swing at him because I’m so sexually frustrated. Remember I’ve been waiting since Wednesday for this peen. So I reach in his pants real aggressive like and start revving the engine.
So I look to see if he hard yet but he seems to only be at half chub. That’s cool. I ask for some lotion and throw that on it because I’m tired of waiting now. A few minutes or so later and he’s telling me he’s about to bust. I look down only to realize this is as hard as he’s getting and I'm like:
So I somewhat throw his gumdrop and we looking at each other like.
Right now I’m feeling like abort mission. I hurriedly rub my hands on his chest to get the lotion off, put my shoes on, grab my hoe bag and dip. I was running down the stairs to the door like no tomorrow. The whole time I’m thinking “This is why I’m atheist! The one time I trust in God and I’m let down like this!” I felt so set up.
As I said, it may be a bit much but I know it’s someone out there that is better trained in deadly combat than I. There is someone out there that carries pepper spray, mace or a pocket knife. And these people may be willing to risk it all in the heat of the moment. These people might be willing to fuck your life up if you dickfish them after inspiring such sexual desire in them.
This is a PSA to be safe out there, guys. Because I’ve been dickfished one too many times. I’m ready to start engaging in fisticuffs out in these here parts and I fight men for real. Some crazy woman kills guys for real so watch out.
