When, is a word that repeats in my head a lot when I think of you. Like when did you become such a huge part of me, of my life. When did you take over my world and start making me believe that you'd be in it forever. When did I start needing you so much that I'm scared to live life without you. But most importantly when did I stop being enough for you...when did you stop loving me. It used to just be us against the world and even on our worst days I knew deep down inside I was always enough because I knew you and your life in a way no one ever had before. I didn't see you the way you wanted everyone to see you- the happy go lucky goofy idiot. No I saw the real you. The real you that was all those things and then some. I saw your painful past, I saw your darkness, I saw your hopes and dreams. I saw you for who you truly were; the good the bad and the ugly and loved you endlessly because of all of it. You knew me, still know me in a way no one else ever has before. I never intended to let you in at all but you wiggled your way in and quickly crashed down all my walls. Before I knew it I was telling you things I had never said out loud before, things I never even knew I felt. You were hearing about the things that haunted me at night, my past, my family, my hopes and dreams and my fears. You knew every single flaw I had and most of the time tried to argue that they weren't really flaws because they made me me. Back then I was enough for you. But years have gone by since we learned each other in ways no one else had before. Years have gone by since it was just us against the world. Years have gone by since I was enough. Now in days we don't know each other better then anyone else we just pretend we do. It's not just us against the world anymore either, which I'm so thankful for but sometimes I miss it. I miss you relying on me instead of others. Now in days we pretend like we got it all figured out but really we don't have a clue. But most importantly we pretend like I still mean the same to you that I did many moons ago, while knowing that's not true. We both know I'm no longer enough for you yet no one lets go.
It's okay really I get it. I knew this day would come and I always expected it. I just never expected you to pretend I'm something to you that I'm not. I never thought we'd be hiss oeolle who'd pretend to have it all. I gave more to you than I have anyone in my life but I still wasn't enough.
I don't blame you. I know you truly did want me to be enough because I know at one point you loved me more than anyone in your world. But we both made mistakes and let ourselves grow distant from each other. And some of the damage was unrepairable at the time so we sfoooed communicating with each other. We stopped being there for every twist and turn the adventure of life took the other one on. You're not to blame and neither am I. Life just got in the way of us. But it's okay because the bond we once shared so deeply is truly irreplaceable and no one could ever fill your shoes. You'll always be half of me and I'll carry myself with heaviness in my heart always that things didn't end the way they should've. That I wasn't enough. I just want to know one thing before we part ways...when did I stop being enough??
