When I was twelve years old, my dad used to drive me to the gym and make me practice for hours. We had a routine, I knew what was expected of me. Except, for the day where my crush happened to be at the gym when we arrived. Cringe. I asked that we moved to the opposite side of the gym to give myself as much privacy as humanly possible, (literally hiding myself from this person). His vague presence made me feel insecure and fearful that he would judge me for sweating or looking unaesthetic. This might seem juvenile, but I was twelve…and forget the juvenile part, I still feel the same fear working out in the general vicinity of men to this day. After many uncomfortable gym experiences, I pushed through these painful experiences and even became a collegiate athlete. I should, (in theory) feel less insecure working out around other people than say, the naturally skinny girl pumping the 2 lb. dumbbells in designer athletic gear, or the frat boy in the hibiscus shorts. Nope!
My typical workout routine is to find the least populated area of the gym, and shove myself over into the corner so that no one sees me. In fact, whenever I run into anyone I know at the gym, I barely finish my workout my routine, because I am too nervous to look unattractive. Any time I go to the gym, I feel more pressure to look like I belong there than from the actual weight I lift.
I once belonged in a gym…
When I was in college, our practice uniform, included cotton sweatpants, including the elastic ankle band. Swoon. I would cut holes in the bottom and pull out the elastic to give myself some sense of dignity after sweating through my grey t-shirt. Thanks equipment intern! Safe to say, I had some of my most humiliating moments in a workout facility. To highlight one, freshmen year, I learned the hard way that you never eat bagels before early morning workouts. Not even a half, just don’t eat! I left that bagel on the sideline…in front of the entire Tennis and Football team that morning.
Subtract my toned muscles that I covered up with cotton sweatpants and picture the better-described-as “active lingerie,” we are expected to workout in currently. I look better in yoga pants than I do in a damn dress. This is where we have our priorities completely wrong. In order to work out, I have to look good in my workout clothes? If I naturally looked like a Barbie, I wouldn’t even work out. I'll just wear my yoga outfit to get drinks with my friends instead. The fact that I get more attention from men in my "workout clothes" than jeans or dresses...even skirts...expresses why I feel there needs to be a workout gear reform.
On another note, I don’t even feel comfortable working out in “cute” workout gear. Any time I am running or lifting weights, I’m not bending in the most flattering angle. I don’t need someone looking at my booty when I squat. There’s two sides to my strong aversion, the part of me that doesn’t want anyone to see me period, and the other half that doesn’t want to be objectified at the gym. I didn’t come to work out so muscle man could check out my goods or the bro-type dude to call me a “beast." Just leave me alone, to work off my stressful day and those three gin and tonics I had the night before.
This is where we all have to decide what is best for us. I’m not as fit as I used to be, but that shouldn’t stop me from working out. That should inspire me to work out more. Step 1, go to the gym. Step 2, find an isolated corner, (totally kidding). Step 2b, just be like Nike and do the fucking workout. Who cares if you don’t look like a Barbie, in one or two months, you’ll feel and look better; then you won’t even notice who is next to you. I have to mentally psych myself up before working out by repeating the same continual comments of self-assured reminders that I am at the gym for me; no one else. So next time you’re feeling insecure at the gym, remind yourself that everyone is feeling awkward and out of place, (even the screaming guy bench-pressing who sounds like he is going to have an aneurism). Find your own pace, a reliable workout partner and wear some ugly clothes to inspire yourself to workout, whatever makes you feel like you belong with your workout. At the very least, you didn’t lose your breakfast in front of fifty college-aged men. It can only go up from here.
