Life is full of choices. Conscious choices. Choices we understand, and choices we don’t. Life is propelled by our decisions and actions. Everything we have been, everything we are, and everything we will be comes from them.

We make choices, and we learn from them, whether they were good or bad. The general rule of thumb in life is to stay away from repeatedly making a bad choice. When we get hurt, we don’t want to feel like that again, so we’re supposed to put in our best efforts to stay away from whatever led us to being hurt.

So why do we keep choosing the people that hurt us? Why, time and time again, do we fail to put ourselves first?

I know that nothing is ever simple, especially when it comes to our relationships with the people in our lives. Feelings are complicated and life is messy. Many of us are inclined not to prioritize ourselves because we’re so busy looking after others, or trying to please others.

But for the love of God, don’t be afraid to choose yourself first.

I wish I could say there was a magic way to untangle yourself from the toxic complications that many of us have in our lives. In my experience, it’s required a lot of space, a lot of introspective thought, and a lot of time by myself. All of that, however, stemmed from a conscious choice. A choice to step back and pick myself.

We think that we chase down unrequited love because it’s what we want. We go back to the people that hurt us because it’s what we want. We think that chasing our desires is choosing ourselves, but we must remember that putting yourself first is not about chasing down and seeking out the things that hurt us.

Sometimes it’s hard to see outside of our own perspectives. Sometimes we don’t want to, or we are manipulated not to. Walking away from a hurtful and difficult situation isn’t usually something that happens overnight. Like I said, it requires a lot of commitment to a few different factors—time, space, and thought.

If you’re looking for a sign that it’s okay to cut off what’s been hurting you, this is it. If you’re looking for a sign to put your well being first, this is it.

It’s no doubt that our life’s companions enrich our experience, but at the end of the day, you are the only one you will spend your entire life with, start to finish. Make sure you're not making it hell for yourself.

In the famous words of Meredith Grey, “Pick me. Choose me. Love me.” It’s true that she was talking about Derek picking her over Addison, but it doesn’t mean this can’t apply to you. So pick yourself. Choose yourself. Love yourself.