Being A People Pleaser Is Bad For Your Sense Of Self
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The Danger Of 'People Pleasing' Is That You End Up Warping How You See Yourself

Life is hard, keep your relationships by avoiding people pleasing.

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The Danger Of 'People Pleasing' Is  That You End Up Warping How You See Yourself

This summer has been quite a doozy when it comes to my social life, it feels like I've been gutted out and am trying to make a comeback as I've been in the valleys with some and extending olive branches to others. I've undergone a little bit of everything and have survived just about any emotion known to man when it comes from relationship drama, however with all that I've described I've come to the conclusion that only one thing truly matters: how you perceive yourself.

As a child, I would always ask for my father's opinion and in return, he'd respond with a question (which I'm assuming is where my annoyance for this type of dialogue began). The responding question would always be "what do you think?" Now, as I mentioned I absolutely disdained this type of treatment and as I'd ask "why do you always do this?" he'd always say "because it only matters what you think."

"It only matters what you think."

I had no idea that I was being taught a lifelong gem when having these uncomfortable conversations because although I was only asking for my father's opinion on shoes or hairstyles he knew that if I didn't grasp this truth I'd later be asking for affirmation from those around me.

Please hear me loud and clear, there is nothing wrong with valuing the opinions of others, in fact, I think when placed in the appropriate perspective valuing the opinion of another can actually be telling of your admiration towards this individual. So again, valuing the opinion of others is grand but needing their affirmation can lead to danger. Just as my father would repeat "it only matters what you think" at the end of the day, this is true because it's you that will have to answer to all of your decisions right or wrong and it's you that will have to make peace with your life, lavish or poor.

When I consider this, I think of all the time I've spent (and still continue to) trying to please others. I think of the many ways I've tried to prove myself by overextending and in some cases downplaying what I knew to be true, in hopes that I'd be found in someone's good graces. I'll be honest after a much recent reflection I've realized that these sorts of interactions are at their best draining. When it comes to relationships it's important that you know who you are. People's perceptions change and they're entitled to such... so if and when you sense a shift it's vital that you know how the shifts apply to you.

Consider it all lessons, personally speaking, it's been a hard summer I've had to come to grips with some unlikely realities when it comes to my social life. However, I purposed that I must know myself before I can expect anyone else to care to discover my own intricacies. What am I really saying here? If you're waiting for someone to perceive who you are... please spare yourself and do them the favor by presenting a person who's solid in their identity. Know who you are and know how you love others.

Discover what you don't like and balance it out with what you do, spend time familiarizing yourself with the ways in which you respond to stressors and most importantly take time to affirm yourself. It's easy to become so consumed with life that we vomit all of our warped perceptions and disappointments on another, but keep in mind that it's not your place to vomit on another just as it isn't another's burden to carry. Allow people to love the best way that they know how and by you fully knowing, loving and honoring yourself first and foremost then begin to respond in a manner that agrees with your inner peace.

Shoot, with so much going on in this world, it's imperative that you know who are you at your core because in every case your opinion will be the last to matter.

PS.

I've noticed that I've struggled with not meeting the expectations that others have set for me and in my quest to overcome such I found this gem on Instagram. I've decided to use these affirmations as my own personal commandments to combat my chronic need to please others. For my fellow people pleasers, may you find this helpful (brought to you courtesy of Falashology's Instagram page).

"To protect my energy, it is OK to change my mind.
To protect my energy, it is OK to cancel a commitment
To protect my energy, it is OK to take a day off
To protect my energy, it is OK to not answer that call
To protect my energy, it is OK to not share myself
To protect my energy, it is OK to do nothing
To protect my energy, it is OK to be alone
To protect my energy, it is OK to sleep in
To protect my energy, it is OK to speak up
To protect my energy, it is OK to move on
To protect my energy, it is OK to let go
To protect my energy, it is OK to change." — Unknown
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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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