I am guilty.
No judge or jury necessary.
I do it all the time. I beat myself up. I get stressed over every single thing.
I don't make as high of a grade as a classmate. Signal brutal self-loathing.
I disappoint a professor. Key in ultimate shame and guilt that causes me not to want to eat for days.
I forget my work ID at home. Let the self torment begin.
I don't know what it is.
It just happens. I can't stop it.
I feel like I can never meet the expectations others have for me.
I mess up on one thing and it's like the whole world has gone to hell. I forget everything that has ever happened except that one thing that I screwed up.
I am my hardest critic.
One negative comment from anyone, friend or coworker or instructor, and I shut down on the inside.
I let the negative control my life instead of the positive.
Instead of embracing it and moving forward I let it set myself back. I am my own worst enemy.
That time I aced the hardest test of sophomore year? FORGOTTEN.
The moment I was praised by my biggest nursing role model? PUSHED ASIDE.
Being complemented by a doctor at work for always being alert to things other may not catch? BYE.
The constant encouragement I receive from my significant other and family all disappears the moment I fail at something. It is my greatest weakness.
But it is also something I am learning to control.
Instead of self-loathing, I can choose to embrace it all head on. Better myself entirely. Grow from the situation.
A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor.
It doesn't come easy. It takes time to learn to turn a negative into a positive.
Rome wasn't built overnight. Keep pushing. Think of all you've accomplished. Not the handful of things you've neglected. Trust in God and everything will be alright.
We were made in Christ's image. We are to strive to be like Him, but understand that we are not perfect and cannot be. We are all human and it is guaranteed we will mess up along the way. Choose to move past it and on to better things. It gets easier. Life can't hit you hard all the time.
