I'm Always Traveling But Still Feeling Lost

I'm Always Traveling But Still Feeling Lost

No matter how far I go, the feeling follows.


Sometimes being lost is not always physically being somewhere you are unfamiliar with. Sometimes it's your heart and emotions that don't know how to belong.

In elementary school, I had a best friend, but I always had to fight with her other best friend for her attention. In middle school, the other best friend won and took her. In high school, I never had a best friend. I was in a group of girls but we all fought, talked behind each others' backs, and I still didn't have one single true best friend. I'm in college now and I still don't have a best friend. I feel that once I become comfortable enough with someone and consider them a close friend or even a best friend, their true colors are revealed, leaving me alone.

Here I am on a Saturday afternoon, sitting at my laptop, writing about how alone I am, instead of being at the home opener football game with my "friends" because I wasn't invited to go with them. I thought that being at school was better than being home, but lately, the feeling has traveled from New Jersey with me to West Virginia. Is everything all in my head? Why does it feel like I don't belong anywhere? I joined a sports team here and am still feeling like I don't belong. I joined a sorority and the feeling followed me there. Longing to be someone in a place I belong is such a rough feeling, especially when I don't understand it.

I truly believe this is the process of finding who I am and where I want to be. I don't think this is part of a mental illness at all. I feel as if every person goes through a phase similar to this in their lifetime. I know that when I graduate college, I do not wish to stay in New Jersey, but where am I going? That's for me to find out...

If you are ever feeling this way, don't be embarrassed or ashamed, and absolutely do not think there is something wrong with you. Your life will fall into place.

Control what you can and don't worry about what you cannot control.

Popular Right Now

5 Perks Of Having A Long-Distance Best Friend

The best kind of long-distance relationship.

Sometimes, people get annoyed when girls refer to multiple people as their "best friend," but they don't understand. We have different types of best friends. There's the going out together best friend, the see each other everyday best friend and the constant, low maintenance best friend.

While I'm lucky enough to have two out of the three at the same school as me, my "low maintenance" best friend goes to college six hours from Baton Rouge.

This type of friend is special because no matter how long you go without talking or seeing each other, you're always insanely close. Even though I miss her daily, having a long-distance best friend has its perks. Here are just a few of them...

1. Getting to see each other is a special event.

Sometimes when you see someone all the time, you take that person and their friendship for granted. When you don't get to see one of your favorite people very often, the times when you're together are truly appreciated.

2. You always have someone to give unbiased advice.

This person knows you best, but they probably don't know the people you're telling them about, so they can give you better advice than anyone else.

3. You always have someone to text and FaceTime.

While there may be hundreds of miles between you, they're also just a phone call away. You know they'll always be there for you even when they can't physically be there.

4. You can plan fun trips to visit each other.

When you can visit each other, you get to meet the people you've heard so much about and experience all the places they love. You get to have your own college experience and, sometimes, theirs, too.

5. You know they will always be a part of your life.

If you can survive going to school in different states, you've both proven that your friendship will last forever. You both care enough to make time for the other in the midst of exams, social events, and homework.

The long-distance best friend is a forever friend. While I wish I could see mine more, I wouldn't trade her for anything.

Cover Image Credit: Just For Laughs-Chicago

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

To My Best Friend, There Are So Many Amazing Things About You That I Love

My best friend is amazing and sometimes we may acknowledge their greatness. I'm saying thank you to my best friend for all of the amazing qualities that make her the best friend ever.


Carson Deborah Montler, since the day we goofed around at cheerleading practice my freshman year, I knew we were going to be great friends. I've seen you grow into an amazing goofball and I couldn't be more blessed to be considered a best friend of yours. I know that we will be friends until the day we die but for now, it's important for me to thank you for being a part of my life.

As you are overcoming darkness, I hope your sunshine rekindles as you realize that you are important to me and everyone else in your life. These are my thanks to you as they are my favorite qualities about you and our friendship. I love you, buddy.

1. Your laughter


Whenever I'm upset or having a bad day, you usually say something stupid or do something silly and I smirk... It doesn't take long until that smirk turns into us laughing so hard that we can't breathe. I'd be lying if I said that most of the time, we spend together doesn't involve us having the best possible time we can have.

There has always been that rumor that the more you laugh, the longer you'll live... If that's the case then Carson, we will be living forever and will continue our goofy girl giggles for the rest of our time.

2. Your kindness

Personal Photo

My favorite quality about people has always been their ability to be kind. Carson, you're kind in so many ways. I see your kindness and how it has molded you into a wonderful person.

Whenever one of your friends or your family members are having a tough time or going through something hard, you are always the first person to jump in the car and get to wherever it is that you need to be to ensure that person is okay. I remember when I told you I was going to the ER back a few months ago for the pain in my chest. I told you and before I even got to the ER you had already called me with a worried tone in your voice and told me you were going to drive all the way to Cleveland to make sure I was okay.

I couldn't even count on my hands and toes all the times where you've performed your kindness to me or when I've observed you do these acts of kindness to your other friends and it's a proud feeling. Knowing that I picked to be friends with someone that will act upon kindness in all their actions makes me know that I did good in picking you.

3. Being my person 


Ever since I was a younger girl, I always wanted to know what it was like to be friends with you, even back in our little league cheerleading days. My freshman year of high school I finally got a glimpse on what it was like to hang around you when we cheered together on JV. As soon as my sophomore year hit it was like I was in a whole different world as I was brought into your goofy kind-hearted soul.

When I look back at my life, I wonder what it would be like if we never became best friends and then I laugh because I couldn't imagine my life without you in it. You have become a friend that I consider my family.

There will be times where I had to leave for work and you would still be sleeping at my house and when I'd get home you were sitting out in the kitchen talking to my grandma like she was your own. Whenever I'm coming over to your house to spend the night, I never have to knock I just walk in like I've lived there my whole life, and I think that's one of my favorite things about our friendship, the ability to be considered a part of the family by each other's family members.

4. Your strength

You are the strongest person I know. The stories I've heard about your hardships when dealing with family, friends, and relationships and how you've overcame these obstacles is inspiring to hear about. You may be 4'11 and weigh practically nothing but you have more strength than anyone I've ever met.

You have been through some of the worst things that I couldn't ever imagine going through and yet you still walk tall with your chin up radiating a smile that screams power. Sometimes I envy you because I don't know how it's possible for someone to go through so much but still be the happiest person on the planet.

You are strong, and your strength is impeccable as it's made me understand that even on a cloudy day you can still find the sunshine.

Thank you for being my best friend. I hope this makes you realize how amazing of a person you are and how much you mean to me.

Related Content

Facebook Comments