I'm Always Traveling But Still Feeling Lost

I'm Always Traveling But Still Feeling Lost

No matter how far I go, the feeling follows.

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Sometimes being lost is not always physically being somewhere you are unfamiliar with. Sometimes it's your heart and emotions that don't know how to belong.

In elementary school, I had a best friend, but I always had to fight with her other best friend for her attention. In middle school, the other best friend won and took her. In high school, I never had a best friend. I was in a group of girls but we all fought, talked behind each others' backs, and I still didn't have one single true best friend. I'm in college now and I still don't have a best friend. I feel that once I become comfortable enough with someone and consider them a close friend or even a best friend, their true colors are revealed, leaving me alone.

Here I am on a Saturday afternoon, sitting at my laptop, writing about how alone I am, instead of being at the home opener football game with my "friends" because I wasn't invited to go with them. I thought that being at school was better than being home, but lately, the feeling has traveled from New Jersey with me to West Virginia. Is everything all in my head? Why does it feel like I don't belong anywhere? I joined a sports team here and am still feeling like I don't belong. I joined a sorority and the feeling followed me there. Longing to be someone in a place I belong is such a rough feeling, especially when I don't understand it.

I truly believe this is the process of finding who I am and where I want to be. I don't think this is part of a mental illness at all. I feel as if every person goes through a phase similar to this in their lifetime. I know that when I graduate college, I do not wish to stay in New Jersey, but where am I going? That's for me to find out...

If you are ever feeling this way, don't be embarrassed or ashamed, and absolutely do not think there is something wrong with you. Your life will fall into place.

Control what you can and don't worry about what you cannot control.

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10 Things Someone Who Grew Up In A Private School Knows

The 10 things that every private school-goer knows all too well.

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1. Uniforms

Plaid. The one thing that every private school-goer knows all too well. It was made into jumpers, skirts, shorts, scouts, hair ties, basically anything you could imagine, the school plaid was made into. You had many different options on what to wear on a normal day, but you always dreaded dress uniform day because of skirts and ballet flats. But it made waking up late for school a whole lot easier.

2. New people were a big deal

New people weren't a big thing. Maybe one or two a year to a grade, but after freshman year no one new really showed up, making the new kid a big deal.

3. You've been to school with most of your class since Kindergarten


Most of your graduating class has been together since Kindergarten, maybe even preschool, if your school has it. They've become part of your family, and you can honestly say you've grown up with your best friends.

4. You've had the same teachers over and over

Having the same teacher two or three years in a row isn't a real surprise. They know what you are capable of and push you to do your best.

5. Everyone knows everybody. Especially everyone's business.

Your graduating class doesn't exceed 150. You know everyone in your grade and most likely everyone in the high school. Because of this, gossip spreads like wildfire. So everyone knows what's going on 10 minutes after it happens.

6. Your hair color was a big deal

If it's not a natural hair color, then forget about it. No dyeing your hair hot pink or blue or you could expect a phone call to your parents saying you have to get rid of it ASAP.

7. Your school isn't like "Gossip Girl"

There is no eating off campus for lunch or casually using your cell phone in class. Teachers are more strict and you can't skip class or just walk right off of campus.

8. Sports are a big deal

Your school is the best of the best at most sports. The teams normally go to the state championships. The rest of the school that doesn't play sports attends the games to cheer on the teams.

9. Boys had to be clean-shaven, and hair had to be cut

If you came to school and your hair was not cut or your beard was not shaved, you were written up and made to go in the bathroom and shave or have the head of discipline cut your hair. Basically, if you know you're getting written up for hair, it's best just to check out and go get a hair cut.

10. Free dress days were like a fashion show

Wearing a school uniform every day can really drive you mad. That free dress day once a month is what you lived for. It was basically a fashion show for everyone, except for those upperclassmen who were over everything and just wore sweat pants.

Cover Image Credit: Authors Photos

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Be With The Friends That You're With And Not With Your Technology

You may have heard your parents say this before, maybe you should take their advice.

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When my parents were growing up, they weren't allowed inside until the street lights came on, which I'm sure many people in my generation can say the same about their own parents. I think it's funny how absurd this seems now, considering most people my age couldn't imagine spending an entire day interacting with people solely through in-person interaction.

Most of my friends got iPod touches, tablets, or maybe even the occasional cell phone at a very young age. Instead of walking around the block to our friend's houses we'd send texts or message each other through whatever app was on trend at the time (I specifically remember Kik being popular when I was in middle school). From there we moved on to Facebook and then to Instagram to keep up with what everyone was doing. I know that I'm just stating facts that everyone already knows, but just because we know these things doesn't mean we've stopped to take a minute and decide if this is a real problem or not.

I'll never forget one of the sleepovers I had at my house in the sixth grade. My friends and I planned on watching Paranormal Activity 3 and doing whatever else 11-year-old girls do. Before we started the movie, my parents put our electronics in a basket and took it to their room. Some of the girls got upset, but my parents told us something that stuck with me: "Be with the friends that you're with." Without a doubt, had we all kept our little distraction devices on us we would have scrolled until we ran out of posts to like or took selfies acting like we were having more fun than we actually were. If you deep dive into any of our Facebook accounts you'll know that those things embarrassingly did happen sometimes, but this particular night we were able to really enjoy the time we spent together and even learned things we didn't know about each other.

My generation has been tricked into doing things not for the experience, but rather for the photos. We go to beautiful places to get the perfect picture of us laughing with our friends somewhere our followers wish they could be. But after the image is taken and the moment passes, how often do we really appreciate what we just encountered? Do we give a second thought to the happiness we could have felt if we set down the camera and took in our surroundings?

There is beauty in every moment and every scene around us. Your best friend laughing at a dumb joke you made, the realization that everyone in your history lecture is experiencing something unique in their lives, an auditorium full of students coming together to worship our God. While your joke might have been halfwitted, lectures can be extremely boring, or maybe new in your faith and aren't yet comfortable worshiping through song, the only way we are able to fully experience what each instant has to offer is to put our phones away for a second and pay attention to those around us. Asking people around you about their lives, noticing the details that seem insignificant, and being present in your encounters with others will open your eyes to the magnificence that you are already surrounded by.

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