Sometimes being lost is not always physically being somewhere you are unfamiliar with. Sometimes it's your heart and emotions that don't know how to belong.
In elementary school, I had a best friend, but I always had to fight with her other best friend for her attention. In middle school, the other best friend won and took her. In high school, I never had a best friend. I was in a group of girls but we all fought, talked behind each others' backs, and I still didn't have one single true best friend. I'm in college now and I still don't have a best friend. I feel that once I become comfortable enough with someone and consider them a close friend or even a best friend, their true colors are revealed, leaving me alone.
Here I am on a Saturday afternoon, sitting at my laptop, writing about how alone I am, instead of being at the home opener football game with my "friends" because I wasn't invited to go with them. I thought that being at school was better than being home, but lately, the feeling has traveled from New Jersey with me to West Virginia. Is everything all in my head? Why does it feel like I don't belong anywhere? I joined a sports team here and am still feeling like I don't belong. I joined a sorority and the feeling followed me there. Longing to be someone in a place I belong is such a rough feeling, especially when I don't understand it.
I truly believe this is the process of finding who I am and where I want to be. I don't think this is part of a mental illness at all. I feel as if every person goes through a phase similar to this in their lifetime. I know that when I graduate college, I do not wish to stay in New Jersey, but where am I going? That's for me to find out...
If you are ever feeling this way, don't be embarrassed or ashamed, and absolutely do not think there is something wrong with you. Your life will fall into place.
