They say don’t judge a book by its cover. it’s such an easy judgement to make at first glance though so can you really blame a person for judging based on looks? After you read the book and only give small, vague, and common compliments to the contents within the book’s pages and still put all your opinions and praises into the illustrations that were skillfully designed to catch your eye that judging a book by its cover becomes a problem. Will the book even feel like its contents is worth something and will make people like it? How will the book ever feel like it’s more than just a pretty picture if never gets recognized for its story?

Now convert that metaphor back onto humans. We base so much of identity and perceptions of people off of looks. Anything from physical features – height, body type, hair color--, the brands we wear, -- or refuse to wear – and our sense of style all come together to shape people’s perceptions of our identity by classifying us as hot, desirable, athletic, poor, rich, hipster, nerdy, sweet, and so much more. It’s because we put so much time into judging appearance as a way to form our perception of people and if they are “our type” that gives it such high value, especially when it comes to compliments.

The Value we put on looks and the compliments we get from them makes them the default thing to talk about when trying to come up with something nice to say about a person or to make them feel better about themselves I believe. To me, I believe that we should put a higher value on the compliments that show that a person has truly gotten to know us, that they love our inner self and will still be around when we are old, grey, and wrinkly because they love being around us and not looking at us. We should put more value in someone saying they love the passion and the spark that appears in your eyes when talking about kittens, football, baking, traveling, or whatever it is that sets your heart on fire. The ability to fill a quiet room with laughter, find the positive side to every situation, or be down for a spontaneous adventure, these are all things that show that a person has really gotten to know you and don’t just see you as a pretty face but as someone with interests, passions, and traits that make you special to them.

I have played in the game of a superficial life, wearing that cute outfit and putting on a little extra make up to get that cute boy’s attention, refusing to only wear the hot brands so I didn’t look like a misfit or untrendy. It lead me to have an identity crisis, what am I if I’m not the tall, skinny, blonde, that can rock a nose ring? I’m sure not the super athletic person everyone expected me to be from my height, I’m not the ditzy bimbo my hair makes me out to be, and I'm not the basic weight girl my leggings and Uggs classify me as. I felt like no one knew that about me though because no one really ever gave recognition to my personality other than just the typical things like I’m kind or sweet. Those compliments feel so empty though because of how much they are thrown out. I crave for someone to take the time to know me, to get to know me so well that they could pinpoint exactly what they loved about me, and not what they loved about me externally but internally.

So my challenge is next time you decide to compliment someone, try giving them a compliment that is skin deep and not your typical “oh you’re too sweet.” Take the time to give them a personalized, whole hearted compliment that shows that they are special to you for who they are.