I read somewhere that only sociopaths are able to be friends with their exes after the end of a relationship. I read that in order to remain friends with an ex it either meant that you still had lingering feelings for that person or that you never felt anything for that person at all. When I was younger I fought so hard to fight this theory, and I tried my best to continue friendships at the end of my relationships. But I noticed that it never worked. Either I still had lingering feelings for what we used to have or they did. And with each attempted friendship came future burned bridges. Feelings were hurt and emotions were intensified, and what started as a civil separation turned into a battleground.

That’s what happened with my first boyfriend and I, at least, at first. Our relationship was the first real relationship that I had ever had. It started quick and like most young relationships are, it was full of emotion with two people who had never experienced anything similar before. We were both newbies and we tried our best, but eventually, we fizzled out. We didn’t speak for months after, and it devastated me. He was the first person I was ever able to really open up to, and instead of running away he sat around and listened to everything that I had to say. He promised to be there for me and then he disappeared and I hated him for it.

We eventually started talking again, trying our best to be civilized and continue our friendship. But we were both on new paths now and it was hard for us to rediscover our relationship without any romantics. We cared about each other tremendously, but we also irritated each other more than most people could. He knew exactly how to press my buttons and I knew how to frustrate him to no end. We tried hanging out and sometimes it would go well and we would sit and talk, laughing for hours, and other times we would leave fighting and with me crying in the passenger seat. I can’t even count the number of times I screamed at him to leave me alone forever, and the number of times he called me over and over again refusing. But no matter how many times I shoved him away, whenever I needed him he was always there. After every breakup, failure, or fight with friends or family, he’s been there for me. Whenever I’m hurting he’s always the first one I call because I know that he’ll always answer and know the right things to say to make me smile again. After all these years and everything that we’ve been through he knows me better than almost anyone else, and I know that no matter what I tell him or what I’ve done that he’ll still love and accept me for who I really am.

We’ve gone through so much together; so much pain, heartbreak, and good times too. And through it all he’s always been there, even when I begged him not to be, and I’ll always love him for that. We aren’t together and I don’t think we ever will be again, but the love we have for one another is something that I know will never die. He’s one of my closest and dearest friends and I don’t think that will ever change. Despite what the articles say, I do think that it is possible to be friends with your exes. And I don’t think it means we never loved each other, or that one of us still has feelings, I think it means that after everything we still respect each other and what we had. I’ll always want what’s best for him, and if that makes me a sociopath then so be it, because he’s never given up on me and I’ll never give up on him.