This topic hits close to home for me. I see so many other women even men affected by this but they don't seem to realize the damage that is actually happening. Abuse is a lot like love, in the way of it coming in different shapes and forms. Some people have a hard time distinguishing the two. This issue, a lot like many others seems to be pushed under the rug and looked over more than it should be. The main thing that people don't seem to understand is abuse is not just physical. It can be emotional, physiological, verbal, sexual, etc. Being someone who has experienced all of these types, it took me a long time to recognize them. I, like many other people who believe they have found love, make excuses for them. Overlook the "little" things that happen, the "little" things that they do. That's where it all begins.
I’ve looked in the mirror and tried every kind of makeup to cover up bruises. I’ve seen what happens when you miss one single phone call, just one. I’ve seen the consequences when you even glance at someone of the opposite sex, let alone talk to them. I’ve had the awful names and things said to me replay in my head all day long making me feel smaller and smaller. So believe me when I say abuse comes in all shapes and forms.
Imagine being with someone, and with every mistake you make they follow it with calling you a name and putting you down. Even a simple mistake, forgetting to text back or forgetting to take the laundry out of the dryer. They call you a list of names and make you feel like the smallest person in the world. This is when you should begin to watch out.
How about something as little as always having to choose where you eat, or choosing what to watch on TV, is that abuse? In the bigger picture, yes. It slowly turns into choosing where you can and can't go, even when you can see your family and friends. It’s all about having control. This is another sign to look out for, isolation.
This is a huge indicator of both emotional and psychological abuse. Abusers like this are manipulative. That means going as far as making you feel as if your family is against you, and they are all you have. Having experienced this first hand, it is one of that hardest ones to deal with. You feel trapped and stuck. You actually do begin feeling like you have no one except for them and everyone else is against you. You begin to push everyone away except for them because they have convinced you that it’s true.
When something bad happens, it’s your fault. When plans fall through, it’s your fault. When you hang out with your family and friends you feel guilty because you aren’t with them. You feel as if you have to be with them 24/7 or you’re going to be in trouble. You’re just waiting for that call or text, or shall I say calls and texts because if you don’t respond within a minute of that text/call they continue. That is followed by a line of questions; “Who are you with?”, “Where are you?”, “Send me a picture of where you are right now.” When/if you get to this point, leave. End it. Run as fast as you can and never look back I promise you it doesn’t get better. That is NOT normal. That is not caring about you. That is abuse.
What happens when you see these signs and realize you need to be done, but the second you say so they threaten to commit suicide? They can’t live without you. Life isn’t worth living without you. They will say whatever they need to get you to stay. It can even go as far as them actually trying to commit suicide in a way that it wouldn’t kill them but would scare you enough into thinking they tried so you stay. I know it’s hard, and I know it’s scary. I know you feel like if you leave and they do something to harm themselves it’s your fault. Take this from someone who gave in and stayed, it doesn’t get better. It doesn’t change. Leave. It is not your fault.
Soon those names they call you come with a little shove. Those fights about something being your fault come with a smack on the arm. Those unanswered phone calls and/or texts become a slap to the face when you see them next. For some, it gets worse from there…
The scary thing is these feelings may come in waves. You may have the perfect days where they treat you nice and everything is good. However with these types of people, you never know which sided of them you’re going to wake up to. You will more than likely have more bad days than good. Those bad days get worse and worse and worse... if you don't stop them, who will? I know you don't think your strong enough, or even think the good days you have are worth the bad ones. Take it from someone who has been in those shoes. Please don't stay. You are strong enough. You can live without them. You will live on to see another day without them, and you will do it with no more bruises, no more belittling, no more being called names. You will begin to realize your self worth, you will find yourself again and you will be happy again. There are clear skies after this storm. I promise.
