16 Steps To Getting Over A Bad Breaking

The 16-Step Rehab Guide To Properly Mourn A Breakup Before Getting Back On Your Feet

I promise that it will get easier.


Breakups suck. During my last breakup, I cried nonstop for weeks, maybe even months. Everyone has their own way of mourning, but here are just some tips and tricks to get you through that rough patch.

1. Delete them on all social media

Maybe you will be friends again in the future but, for now, delete them on everything. I am talking Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Myspace, Tumblr, whatever. Seeing them will just be too painful. You cannot properly get over someone without cutting them out for a bit.

2. Put all of his or her stuff in a box

Don't throw away all of his or her stuff, but also don't just leave it hanging around. Put it in a box so you can approach those memories when you are ready.

3. Opt for ice cream instead of alcohol

Much more of a satisfying option without potential negative repercussions.

4. Cry....A LOT

Let it all out for as long as you need to cry — days, weeks, months, whatever. Each breakup is individual and unique.

5. Do not get with someone new right away

Allow yourself to mourn this relationship first. If you do not get over that relationship, how can you expect to be successful and ready for the next one?

6. Don't delete all of your pictures together on social media

That is just petty. He or she was a big part of your life for a while; you cannot just "delete" that.

7. Have a girls or a guys night

I'm talking full on bonding night — wine, movies, baking, gossiping, crying.

8. Work out

Working out is a great way to get those positive endorphins running and to let go of those negative emotions.

9. Leave your room

There is this great thing called 'the great outdoors' and it works wonders for one's mentality.

10. Do not send the text

You know the text I am talking about. Just don't.

11. Make a random change in your life

Whether it be doing something to your hair, your nails, your room, your routine, just switch it up a bit. You will feel refreshed, I promise.

12. Stop blaming everything on yourself

A breakup is not usually one person's fault — usually, it is a build up of things that led there. I promise that the ending would not have changed if you did X thing differently.

13. Practice for when you run into each other in public

This sounds ridiculous, but I am being so serious. You do not want to randomly run into them at Publix one day and freak-out.

14. Avoid going to "your" places

Where you had your first date. Where he asked you to prom. Where she told you she loved you. Where you both loved going to ice cream. Avoid it, all of it.

15. Embrace who you are

Sometimes, you can get stuck in a relationship and lose a part of your identity. Remember who you are and do what you want to do.

16. Fall in love again

When you are ready, open yourself up again.

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To The Toxic Relationship I Was Afraid To Let Go Of

To my younger self... I'm sorry.

As time goes on the question that echoes in my mind is: "why?" Why did I let someone who was so undeserving have my love, time, and affection?

We all like to think that we have what it takes to mend the damage someone carries, but the fact of the matter is we don't. Hurt people, hurt people – and it was only when I tried to heal a bruised heart mine became the one in trouble. When you're young, vulnerable and under someone's spell you don't realize that you shouldn't have to rip yourself apart to keep someone else whole. I was scared of losing someone I didn't really have and I thought it was better to have someone halfway than not at all.

The irony of it all is that I grew up in a healthy environment. I have two parents who love my sister, each other, and myself unconditionally. They practice the same values they preach, some of which being loyalty, forgiveness, and how important it is to love each other despite the flaws that consume us. Those values were engraved so deep in my heart and soul I couldn't recognize when enough was enough or when to pull back and that just because I displayed these traits didn't mean they would be reciprocated. It took me a while to figure out I had to draw the line of determination from desperation.

It was a bittersweet realization when I looked up from my treacherous journey only to see it led me to a dead end, but I have never felt so liberated.

There's no denying I came out of the storm a different person and most definitely with a different heart. There were so many important lessons learned, both good and bad but the one thing that's for certain is it took me getting lost to find myself. You don't fully understand what you deserve until you experience something you don't. I learned the importance of self-worth and how crucial it is to not beat yourself up over the "coulda, shoulda, woulda's." I learned that in order to love someone, you have to start with yourself.

I know I'm not the only one who experienced this and I know I'm not the only one who wanted to figure it out on my own terms, but what I do know is that no one deserves it. I'm in my twenties now and still unsure of the actual meaning of love, but I know with absolute certainty that what I felt then was not it. I have so much growing, learning, and experiencing to do – and I fully intend on taking only those who deserve to be with me on my journey. No more and no less.

Everyone's story is different but the one thing they have in common is that we get to decide whom we share our stories with and how they make us feel. You never know which page your story will end with, so make sure it would be one you would be happy with. I urge every single one of you to rid yourself of people who do more harm than good. Life isn't forever.

Cover Image Credit: Thought Catalog

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To The Boy I Fell In Then Out Of Love With, A Final Message

I want people to understand it is VERY possible to fall in love with the wrong person.


It wasn't right.

And as much as it pains me to come to this realization, it's also liberating.

I fell in love with you. But I fell in love with the wrong person.

I'm sorry for trying to change you. I'm sorry for trying to reconstruct who you are as a person. But, because I now see these red flags and understand the emotional exhaustion we caused each other, I know now it can't work. I had too much hope in the potential — the what could have been. The impossible. I envisioned the ideal, picturesque relationship with you. I thought that if you changed the things I wanted you to change, everything would be fine. I couldn't force you to do that, though. I couldn't keep forcing anything.

There are so many beautiful things about you I will cherish forever.

I see so much good in you that a lot of people couldn't. Our relationship was special and strong in certain ways. You were the first person I ever really fell for. And for that, I will hold a place in my heart for you that will never, ever leave, no matter who comes into my life.

You are irreplaceable.

That being said, it's important to also note where things went wrong. Where things just couldn't be fixed. Where tireless effort just wasn't worth it anymore.

Love isn't supposed to be easy, but it also shouldn't be nearly as difficult as we made it out to be. I'm sorry we couldn't love each other. Maybe in another time or another life, it will be different. But it won't work now.

To the boy I fell in love with, I loved you, but I can't be with you.

I want people to understand it is VERY possible to fall in love with the wrong person. Red flags can pervade, but you will push them under the table because you don't want them to be true. I want people to realize you can still find so much good in a person and fall for a person for so many different reasons, but they STILL aren't right for you. All of this is real and valid and NEEDS to get addressed. If not, you will find yourself in an endless, toxic cycle of hurt and heartache.

Below, I've attached an article written by Kristine Fellizar entitled "20-Easy-To-Miss Signs You're In Love With The Wrong Person." I would make a list myself, but I feel like her list explicates this topic well, and I related to many of the ideas embedded in her piece.

Don't look at your past relationships as a mistake. Learn and grow from one another. Find that person that shouldn't have to change anything for you. You deserve a love that is wholesome and worth it.

You can be happy. Love someone for them. No more molding. No more wishful thinking. Just loving.

Easy, simple loving.

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