16 Steps To Getting Over A Bad Breaking

The 16-Step Rehab Guide To Properly Mourn A Breakup Before Getting Back On Your Feet

I promise that it will get easier.

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Breakups suck. During my last breakup, I cried nonstop for weeks, maybe even months. Everyone has their own way of mourning, but here are just some tips and tricks to get you through that rough patch.

1. Delete them on all social media

Maybe you will be friends again in the future but, for now, delete them on everything. I am talking Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Myspace, Tumblr, whatever. Seeing them will just be too painful. You cannot properly get over someone without cutting them out for a bit.

2. Put all of his or her stuff in a box

Don't throw away all of his or her stuff, but also don't just leave it hanging around. Put it in a box so you can approach those memories when you are ready.

3. Opt for ice cream instead of alcohol

Much more of a satisfying option without potential negative repercussions.

4. Cry....A LOT

Let it all out for as long as you need to cry — days, weeks, months, whatever. Each breakup is individual and unique.

5. Do not get with someone new right away

Allow yourself to mourn this relationship first. If you do not get over that relationship, how can you expect to be successful and ready for the next one?

6. Don't delete all of your pictures together on social media

That is just petty. He or she was a big part of your life for a while; you cannot just "delete" that.

7. Have a girls or a guys night

I'm talking full on bonding night — wine, movies, baking, gossiping, crying.

8. Work out

Working out is a great way to get those positive endorphins running and to let go of those negative emotions.

9. Leave your room

There is this great thing called 'the great outdoors' and it works wonders for one's mentality.

10. Do not send the text

You know the text I am talking about. Just don't.

11. Make a random change in your life

Whether it be doing something to your hair, your nails, your room, your routine, just switch it up a bit. You will feel refreshed, I promise.

12. Stop blaming everything on yourself

A breakup is not usually one person's fault — usually, it is a build up of things that led there. I promise that the ending would not have changed if you did X thing differently.

13. Practice for when you run into each other in public

This sounds ridiculous, but I am being so serious. You do not want to randomly run into them at Publix one day and freak-out.

14. Avoid going to "your" places

Where you had your first date. Where he asked you to prom. Where she told you she loved you. Where you both loved going to ice cream. Avoid it, all of it.

15. Embrace who you are

Sometimes, you can get stuck in a relationship and lose a part of your identity. Remember who you are and do what you want to do.

16. Fall in love again

When you are ready, open yourself up again.

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle: Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay.

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.
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Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying. What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense. I've heard it all, "He was cute, why didn't you like him?" "You didn't even give him a chance!" "You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous; however, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do. I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well. Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

THIS IS CRUCIAL FOR FINDING A NICE GUY. It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault. If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs." Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him. If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it. He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush. Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling. :)

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An Open Letter To The People I Decided To Stop Fighting For

"Stop begging and fighting for people to love you the right way. Stop investing time in people who don't mind if you stay or leave." — Reyna Biddy

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To the people I decided to stop fighting for,

It's not you, it's me. It's me who made the choice to put your needs above mine for longer than I should have. It's me who let myself be involved in an endless cycle of giving, without taking. It's me who continues to see the best in people even when shown a million reasons to take off the goggles-- to not float back down to Earth, back to reality. But to crash into pieces of what was once a flawless facade.

But it's you who were never going to change.

You were never going to see all the ways you hurt me, and I was never going to force you to. Just as you failed to understand, I failed to tell you there were repercussions... because there weren't.

I am a kind person, and I will not stop being kind. I am a compassionate person, and I will not stop being compassionate. I will, however, stop letting my kindness and compassion act as a gateway for mistreatment, for not second chances but third and fourth and fifth chances. Chances that you never asked for, but that I gave you anyways.

I have to walk away from the one-sidedness, from the excuses that I handed you on a silver platter. I let you walk all over me, and I even shined your shoes in the process. I am done using amazing memories as a means of masking toxicity with a happy past. The thing about memories is that they're used to reminisce about the previous, but I used them to excuse the things that you do in the present.

You were never going to stop making me feel small when all I'd do is try to lift you up. I suppose the more you let someone treat you as though you're small, the more they believe it is OK to do this, it is OK to belittle you. But it was never OK, and that's on me. It was me who'd tell you the ways you had hurt me, only to have you repeat them over and over again without consequence. And it was me who was fine with this.

I am without anger, without frustration, and without sadness.

I feel nothing but love for you, but I must also love myself enough to stop fighting and to let go of things not meant for me, things that no longer bring me joy and peace in my life.

Now I am exhausted, far too tired to fight for people who judge instead of love, who bicker instead of trying to understand. Because you weren't going to change. You won't change. And that's OK, that I've made peace with. But I have to change — I have to stand up for myself, and I have to walk away.

So I lay down my armor and I throw up my shield because it's time to start protecting myself, to start fighting for me.

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