My dad was never around, and still isn't. He is an alcoholic and just plain doesn't care about anyone. I wish I had those great memories that girls have with their dads, but most of the memories I have are just of me getting my hopes up for nothing the past 18 years. I do, however, have a step dad and it took me a while (like 12 years) to finally be comfortable and understand his purpose in my life.
My mom left my dad when I was in kindergarten so I already don't have any childhood memories of him besides the rare occasions where I would go over there for a few hours whenever he felt like it. He never came to a band concert, or birthday party. He took his anger from my mother out on me and never came around. He did make it for my high school graduation though, but I think he was either late and missed me getting my diploma or left before it was my turn. He didn't have a lot of money, that was his excuse for everything. But lets be honest it doesn't take money to be a decent father or human being.
He never cared about school or asked about my friends. He didn't teach me how to drive or fish. He didn't teach me that I should never settle for anything else and that no guy is worth the tears. The only thing he did was make me a confused young girl that didn't understand why her dad didn't love her. But that's okay because even though he didn't teach me anything but a huge bundle of hate and disgust towards him, he must of taught my mom something because now she has someone that loves both of us.
My mom and Dave got married when I was in first grade and let me tell you how big of an adjustment that was. I didn't have a father figure and he didn't have kids. Like most young girls I was very sensitive. If he yelled at me or told me to clean my room I would cry. I told myself I didn't like him for the longest time, and I always thought he was a party pooper and I was never allowed to have fun, but in reality he was just doing the things my dad should have done. He was at most band concerts and even bought me a clarinet. He knew my friends and he was interested in my schooling. Most importantly I never went without anything. I had new clothes and shoes for school every year. I had food. I had a home.
It took me up until a few years ago once I was done with high school and my relationship with my dad that I tried to keep all those years finally failed to realize that he is my father. He has taken care of me and my mom since day one and even though I didn't agree with him or like him I think I was just hung up on "he's not my dad". Once my dad was out of the picture and I grew up, I realized he has been more of a father to me then my dad ever was or ever could be. I never had to worry about anything. I got to enjoy all those high school activities and see my friends. He bought me my first car and of course worked on it if it needed anything. He stepped up and took me in as his own daughter when he didn't have to. He doesn't have to do anything that he still does for me, but he does it because he loves me and I wish I would have realized it sooner. But its okay because in 2 years when I'm getting married, he is going to be the one walking me down the aisle.
