The transition from stranger, to friend, to boyfriend, to ex-boyfriend and now, to friend can be challenging. Old feelings still linger into the new friendship formed with a person you once cared deeply for. Plenty of people ask if you two are working things out or if you still care. I think that’s the hardest question to answer if you still care about them.
While some may think it’s near impossible to even communicate with an ex-lover, others find it easy to stay friends. I personally think it depends on how the relationship affected you and how it ended. Were you left heartbroken and depressed? Or did you end the relationship peacefully and mutually?
I am close friends with a few of my ex boyfriends. With this comes some pros and cons. The pros are that you still get to keep communication with them, they understand you as a person, and they can be the perfect wing woman or wing man for you. The cons are that they will eventually move on and you might not be ready for that, a new boyfriend/girlfriend may not trust you being friends with an ex, and the breakup occurred for a reason and can cause you two to fight.
It may take more time than you want to hear back from an ex. They need their space to move on or to accept that you both are no longer together. If you want to stay friends with your ex, you need to take their feelings into consideration. If they are still hurting, it's best to let them heal so they don't get the wrong idea of what you want from them. If you aren't sure what you want, don't rush into this friendship. In the end, it won't do anyone good, so you both need a clear mind.
The first time hanging out with an ex after the breakup is the hardest. You don’t know how to act, since you used to hold hands and snuggle up together, but friends don’t do that. They don’t share the memories lovers do. Sometimes, you catch yourself wondering if they miss you as a friend or as something more. The more time you spend with them as a friend, it causes you to reminisce about the old times. It’s difficult being around them when all you want to do is tell them how you truly feel. Once they move on and become happy is the worst feeling ever. But as a friend, you support them even if you still have deep feelings for them.
There isn’t a book or a set of rules on how to stay friends with an ex. Open communication is needed on the boundaries that need to be set in place. It’s easy to slip back into your old ways since you’re comfortable around someone. One person may want more than a friendship again, but this shouldn't intervene in this new relationship. In order for this mutual attachment to succeed, you must both be on the same page.
It’s hard caring for someone when you both want completely different things. But the reason you will keep them as your friend is because it’s better than not having them in your life at all.
