Starting New: A Guide to Getting Over Someone

Starting New: A Guide to Getting Over Someone

How to move on and feel good about it.
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Most people aren't strangers to break-ups nowadays. The awful, soul-crushing feeling we go through where we eat ice cream in our underwear and cry is only half the battle. There are plenty of guidelines to surviving break-ups out there, but not many that tell us how to move on and feel good about it, even though, right now that may seem like an impossible concept. But, there are ways to properly endure a relationship ending and come out clean on the other side, perhaps better than you were before.


  • Grieve
  • Don’t let anyone ever tell you it isn’t okay to mourn your past relationship; that it isn’t okay to curl up in your bed and sob while watching that episode of Friends where Ross and Rachel were “on a break.” With any loss, it is only healthy to grieve. This is the only way we can process what has happened and reflect on the good and bad of our previous relationship.

    • Let it Out

    This goes for guys and girls. We may live in a culture that frowns on girls being “too dramatic” and guys who show their sensitive side, but keeping your emotions bottled up is only going to hurt one person. You have to let your anger, your frustration, and your sadness out. Whether it was your fault, their fault, or a mutual decision – break-ups suck, so don’t try to convince yourself you’re fine when you actually aren’t.

  • Lean on your friends
  • Chances are, your friends hate the person who dumped you (or who you dumped, I really don’t know your life) just as much as you do. If they offer to help, let them. I’m not saying you need to agree to let your friends go egg your ex’s house, but let them be there for you in a healthy way. Let them take you out for a night on the town, or bring you a pizza and watch a movie with you. Your friends know you best; they’ll be able to get you back to feeling like yourself again in no time.

  • Cut off all contact
  • This tip is very time sensitive. I don’t care what the situation is, there is no reason for you to be talking to your ex mere days after the big blow-up. You cannot expect yourself and them to grieve the relationship and have a chance of getting over it if you keep on speaking to them like nothing happened. This means no texting, no lurking on their social media accounts, and no asking your mutual friends how your ex is doing. After a few weeks – but, personally, I’d say months – you can start thinking about rekindling a friendship with that person, if you really want to. Give yourself – and your ex – a chance to have some space and time to yourself before jumping on the “let’s still be best friends” train.

  • Don’t play the “What If” game
  • Sitting around and saying, “Oh, what if I had been a better significant other? What if I had gone with them to that party? What if I had been more agreeable?” is only going to make you feel more miserable. Playing this game of “what if” is just plain torture. Do it all you want, but it does not change the fact that you can’t change the past. Besides, even if you had done all those things that came as afterthoughts, there is no guarantee that those things would have saved your relationship. So don’t torture yourself.

  • Take your time before moving on to a new guy/gal
  • Using a new person to get over the old person is the oldest tactic in the book. Sure, it might make you feel good for a little while, but at the end of the day you’re only going to think about how this new person isn’t your ex – and there you are back at step 1. You have to be emotionally stable before you can bring a new person into the mix. Enjoy your time as a single man or woman. Concentrate on what activities and goals make you happy, without constantly feeling like you have to rely on another person to make the sun rise and set for you. You can do that for yourself.

  • Learn from this relationship
  • Perhaps one of the most important things for you to remember is that this relationship was not entirely a failure. With every relationship – romantic or otherwise – we learn what we like and dislike about a person; what traits are deal breakers and what qualities we want the person we end up with in the long run to have. In addition, you now know what you can do better in your next relationship [and there will be a next relationship, I promise]. And that next relationship will wipe away the tears and painful memories from this break-up. You can only move up from here, so chin up and make every day one for the books.

    Cover Image Credit: http://quoteshunger.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/moving-on-quotes2.jpg

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    Just Because I Check My Boyfriend's Location Every Hour Doesn't Make Me A 'Psycho Girlfriend'

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    I probably check his location about once an hour, maybe more if he isn’t texting me back.

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    I make him keep his read receipts on for me.

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    Cover Image Credit: Grace Wilkowski

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    From The Girl Who's Going Through The Unknown Trials And Tribulations Of Being Newly Single

    Being newly single can be hard, for reasons that don't incorporate your ex
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    SO, I just got out of a THREE YEAR RELATIONSHIP and things have been a challenge and a half. Not for the reasons you may think because if we are being completely honest and cruel, I have no emotion towards the ghost of this mans past but that’s beside the point. My problems lie where people least expect since according to everyone that hasn’t been in an aggressively long relationship, this is my time to go crazy and glow up.

    WELL, THAT’S THE PROBLEM.

    I am expected to suddenly master the single lifestyle and become Kim Kardashian in the span of literally two months. But this is simply not the case, and I’m sure most newly single ~ladies~ can relate.



    I literally have no idea how to be a single human. I mean, I’m fine by myself, I actually prefer being by myself, but how does one flirt? Find dates to formal? Just be a normal, single woman? I am confused, and I think I will remain confused for a long while.

    This past week, I tried to FEED A MAN A CHIP FROM MY FANNY PACK while at a party because in my mind, that was normal, flirtatious activity. Not only did I try to shove food down a man's throat, but I was also wearing a fanny pack. I have so many questions for myself that will most likely be answered with time, but until then, I will continue, through trial and error, to figure out the art of being #single.

    I also really dislike the hype of “glowing up” post-relationship because that takes TIME. Every girl that has been in a four-day relationship takes to Twitter or Instagram to show their dramatic (and immediate) post break up, glow up. WELL, let me tell you something.

    This is not the case for those of us who were in it for the long haul. I AM STILL TRYING TO FIGURE MY ISH OUT, I DON’T HAVE TIME TO BODY BUILD AND MASTER MY SKINCARE ROUTINE. I’m still trying to figure myself out because this is the first time in three years that I have been completely alone with myself for this long.

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    SO, basically, the point of this article was to try to explain that being newly single can be hard for reasons that don’t incorporate your ex-man's, because to be honest, getting over them can sometimes be the easiest part if the breakup has been long past due.

    The hardest part lies in trying to figure out who you actually are without someone directly related to your identity. I still have people from my hometown asking me how he is and what he’s up to, and TBH, I have no clue, but I can assure them that Frankie is doing just fine.

    Cover Image Credit: Instagram

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