Starting New: A Guide to Getting Over Someone

Starting New: A Guide to Getting Over Someone

How to move on and feel good about it.
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Most people aren't strangers to break-ups nowadays. The awful, soul-crushing feeling we go through where we eat ice cream in our underwear and cry is only half the battle. There are plenty of guidelines to surviving break-ups out there, but not many that tell us how to move on and feel good about it, even though, right now that may seem like an impossible concept. But, there are ways to properly endure a relationship ending and come out clean on the other side, perhaps better than you were before.


  • Grieve
  • Don’t let anyone ever tell you it isn’t okay to mourn your past relationship; that it isn’t okay to curl up in your bed and sob while watching that episode of Friends where Ross and Rachel were “on a break.” With any loss, it is only healthy to grieve. This is the only way we can process what has happened and reflect on the good and bad of our previous relationship.

    • Let it Out

    This goes for guys and girls. We may live in a culture that frowns on girls being “too dramatic” and guys who show their sensitive side, but keeping your emotions bottled up is only going to hurt one person. You have to let your anger, your frustration, and your sadness out. Whether it was your fault, their fault, or a mutual decision – break-ups suck, so don’t try to convince yourself you’re fine when you actually aren’t.

  • Lean on your friends
  • Chances are, your friends hate the person who dumped you (or who you dumped, I really don’t know your life) just as much as you do. If they offer to help, let them. I’m not saying you need to agree to let your friends go egg your ex’s house, but let them be there for you in a healthy way. Let them take you out for a night on the town, or bring you a pizza and watch a movie with you. Your friends know you best; they’ll be able to get you back to feeling like yourself again in no time.

  • Cut off all contact
  • This tip is very time sensitive. I don’t care what the situation is, there is no reason for you to be talking to your ex mere days after the big blow-up. You cannot expect yourself and them to grieve the relationship and have a chance of getting over it if you keep on speaking to them like nothing happened. This means no texting, no lurking on their social media accounts, and no asking your mutual friends how your ex is doing. After a few weeks – but, personally, I’d say months – you can start thinking about rekindling a friendship with that person, if you really want to. Give yourself – and your ex – a chance to have some space and time to yourself before jumping on the “let’s still be best friends” train.

  • Don’t play the “What If” game
  • Sitting around and saying, “Oh, what if I had been a better significant other? What if I had gone with them to that party? What if I had been more agreeable?” is only going to make you feel more miserable. Playing this game of “what if” is just plain torture. Do it all you want, but it does not change the fact that you can’t change the past. Besides, even if you had done all those things that came as afterthoughts, there is no guarantee that those things would have saved your relationship. So don’t torture yourself.

  • Take your time before moving on to a new guy/gal
  • Using a new person to get over the old person is the oldest tactic in the book. Sure, it might make you feel good for a little while, but at the end of the day you’re only going to think about how this new person isn’t your ex – and there you are back at step 1. You have to be emotionally stable before you can bring a new person into the mix. Enjoy your time as a single man or woman. Concentrate on what activities and goals make you happy, without constantly feeling like you have to rely on another person to make the sun rise and set for you. You can do that for yourself.

  • Learn from this relationship
  • Perhaps one of the most important things for you to remember is that this relationship was not entirely a failure. With every relationship – romantic or otherwise – we learn what we like and dislike about a person; what traits are deal breakers and what qualities we want the person we end up with in the long run to have. In addition, you now know what you can do better in your next relationship [and there will be a next relationship, I promise]. And that next relationship will wipe away the tears and painful memories from this break-up. You can only move up from here, so chin up and make every day one for the books.

    Cover Image Credit: http://quoteshunger.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/moving-on-quotes2.jpg

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    8 Solid Date Ideas For Couples Who Drink Beer

    Don't go on another boring date. Throw axes, launch golf balls. Be the fun couple.

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    Fact: there are two types of people in this world.

    1. People who say, "dating is hard these days."
    2. People who plan dates around boozing.

    If you've ever been on a bad date, specifically if you are a beer drinker, I'm going to assume you didn't put much effort into planning the date, let alone the beer you planned on drinking. Yes, everyone has their own expectations when it comes to date activities.

    But rather than focus on differences, why not plan your date around something you have in common: a love for good beer?

    Don't have any ideas? We got your back. Whether you've been dating for two weeks or nearly two years, here's a list of unique date ideas that include everyone's favorite third wheel, booze.

    1. Blind Beer Tasting

    Sometimes the perfect date night could very well be from the comfort of home. Movies and pizza are usually what's up for a low-key night, but have you ever considered something as underrated as blind beer tasting? It's a fun way to do something different with your partner, getting your taste buds boppin', experimenting with new drinks. Make the night super official with some beer tasting score cards so you know what to get for next time, or what to never, ever get again for the remainder of your existence.

    2. Top Golf

    A little competition never hurt anybody, right? It doesn't matter if you're the next Tiger Woods or don't have a single athletic bone in your body, Top Golf is a guaranteed good time. There's literally zero pressure because all you have to do is wave around a golf club trying not to look stupid. Share some laughs, get some embarrassing pictures or videos, munch on some apps, and sip (or pound down) some tasty brews.

    3. Axe Throwing

    Unless you live under a rock, you'll know that axe throwing is booming and locations are opening up almost everywhere. The Canadian backyard pastime might seem a little odd, but it's AXE-tually a lot of fun. You can bring your own food and who doesn't like food? Alcohol IS permitted at specific locations, so call ahead! Just remember to throw responsibly, because if you aren't married yet you can't collect that insurance premium.

    4. College Football Saturdays and Football Sundays

    For most guys (and some gals) this is the best time of the year. Weekends in the fall are completely devoted to football. Even if you're not the biggest football fan, you can still have a blast taking part in the social aspect while being a spectator. Some bars are team-themed, so make sure to look up some places and get there early. FYI: this works for almost all sporting and pay-per-view events. Including, but not limited to; the Olympics, boxing, American Ninja Warrior, etc…

    5. Check out a local brewery

    Craft breweries are perfect date spots. Fun but low-key (read as: you can still have a conversation). And they're full of great beer. If you're ever on the East Coast, you have to hit up Victory Brewing Company's Taprooms & Breweries located in Chester County, PA. One of the perks of craft breweries as a date spot is the local culture and small-town vibes we all love to love. I recommend Victory because they have all that plus one of the strongest beer line-ups in the country, including tastings for new experimental beers. If you can make a day of it, I suggest you do. They have trivia during the week, live local bands, and the food is awesome. Get a pretzel and beer cheese. It's wicked good.

    6. Booze Cruise

    A different, cool way to party. Whether it's just you two or you're with a group of other couples, booze cruises are a more sophisticated way to indulge. I mean, let's face it, we're all high-key trying to hold onto the savage tolerances we used to have in college and it's nights like this, where we try (really, really hard) reliving it. The city skylines and marina views alone are simply breathtaking. All you need to do is show some ID, pay admission, and pray the rest of the night calls for smooth sailing.

    7. Pick a theme and plan your own Bar (beer) Crawl

    Going on adventures with your other half is proven to bring you closer together. Pick a theme with your significant other, and plan a beer crawl using Google Maps. Try picking new bars you haven't been to before! At the end of your crawl, hit up your favorite bar or better yet, the first bar you guys met or went to as a couple.

    8. Wedding Crashing... IRL

    I know this sounds a little far-fetched, but if it's done right this could lead to the most epic of nights. You know when people bring dates who the bride and groom have never even met? Or heard a member of the wedding party be like, "Yea, I don't even know half of these people"? UM, hello! You could be "these people!" Almost all weddings are destined to have good booze, and, unless the father of the bride is a legit serial killer, it's probably an open bar.

    The most important part of any date is planning to share good beer, but don't sleep on picking a good partner. Find someone who compliments you the way Victory's Golden and Sour Monkeys compliment each other. These beers are distinctly different but make the perfect duo. Check out their beer finder to see where you can snag some brewskis with your booski. Cheers!

    Photo by Elevate on Unsplash

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    8 Hacks For Making Long Distance More Bearable, From The Girl Who's Made It Work

    Long-distance relationships are hard, but not impossible.

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    There are hardships that come along with being apart from the person you love, but making it work can be just as rewarding. Long distance is never easy, but it does not have to be all bad...

    1. Make time for each other

    Especially when in a long-distance relationship, it is important to take time out of your day to remind your significant other that you care and are interested in what they are doing on a day to day basis. Even if you can't be together physically, it's important to be there for each other emotionally.

    2. Trust your partner

    Not seeing your partner can be hard, especially if you have trust issues going on in your relationship. It is important that you trust your partner 100%, so you are not always worrying about what they are doing when they are not texting you back.

    3. Phone calls

    Sometimes a bad day can be turned around simply by hearing your partners voice, sometimes texting gets old and a good ol' fashioned phone call can make all of the difference. Whenever I am feeling down, it always helps to call and talk things out, so I do not feel so alone.

    4. Visit each other

    Depending on the distance between you and your partner, visiting each other during breaks or whenever you have time can make things not feel so "weird" if you have been away from each other for a long time. My boyfriend and I live 2 1/2 hours away and we would take turns visiting each other. Not seeing each other for a couple of weeks, or months and then seeing each other again is a feeling I cannot describe. It makes you feel like everything you are doing is worth it, but it is important that visits are both sided, and one is not flying/driving to the other more.

    5. Effort

    The relationship will not work unless you want it too, and effort is key in this situation. One-sided relationships will never work, and will often leave the other person dissatisfied in the relationship. Initiation for visits, phone calls or even a simple text message being constantly from one partner is not fair and shows a lack of effort from the other person. If you care about someone you should want to do anything you can to reassure them that you care.

    6. Don't obsess

    It is easy to start obsessing about constantly talking to your partner and always being around to talk when they are free, but you need to make sure you do not start to lose yourself. Things could be amazing when you are together, but when you have to be apart it is important to stay busy and have relationships with other people in your life. It is easy to just want to sit in your room and talk to your significant other all day, but you need to live your life the way you normally would. Otherwise, what would you really have to talk about at the end of the night?

    7. Cherish the time you have together

    Finally seeing your significant other after extended periods of time can be bittersweet. The initial excitement can fade away when reality sets in and you know you will be a part in the next few days or weeks. Don't dwell on the fact that you will be apart again, but instead make the most out of every moment you have together. Utilize the fact one of you is in a new place and take these opportunities to make new memories and do new things together. Make each visit better than the last, yes it is sad it can't always be this way, but you have to make the most out of every situation.

    8. What will be, will be

    If the relationship is meant to work out it will, and if it is not that is OK. Do not force anything to try to drag a relationship along, if signs of distance are being shown from your partner, do not become blind to them and ignore it. Long distance is not for everyone and can become too much for some people, you have to understand it is not you that is the problem. As I said, what will be, will be and there is nothing you can really do besides put your all into the relationship.

    I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years and a majority of our relationship has been long distance. I swore to myself I would never go into a long-distance relationship, but sometimes when you meet the right person it is all worth it. These eight tips have helped me in my relationship, not feel so alone, and keep my relationship happy and healthy.

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