You know what really bothers me? That was a rhetorical question. I can’t hear you, and don’t really care what you do or don’t want to know. Nothing personal! No matter you answer, I am going to tell you.
I am presently a single 19 year old woman, and am looking to meet people, go on dates and such. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and yet so many negative discourses stand between me and comfortably and confidently doing so. Being hailed as a woman in today’s world places me in a certain category wherein I becomes subject to the “rules" of the name or title of “woman” that I apparently represent to everyone around me. This title is surrounded by what literary theorist Michael Foucault would call discourses, or sets of assumptions and values that frame the way we think about the world and our role in it. These discourses exert power over us, governing our every action, thought, and desire. Essentially, I am incredibly perturbed by the assumptions and values I am constantly being held to as a young, single woman today.
I realize that this still sounds rather abstract, so I will try to illustrate exactly what I mean. I’m sick of questioning whether I am attractive enough. I’m sick of being constantly commodified and objectified by cat-calls and unsanitary glances my way, while never being approached, or asked out by someone who would actually like to get to know me. I’m sick of wondering whether my confident facade is too intimidating for them to feel welcome to ask me out. I’m sick of longing to be held. I’m sick of not wanting to come off as too eager, while simultaneously trying to show my approachability and availability. I’m sick of constantly grappling with what people, namely other seemingly cruelly judgmental women might think of me whenever I act or even think about acting on my long unfulfilled desire for physical contact. I’m sick of being alone, and I’m sick of constantly being completely unsure of how to handle myself in the dating realm of my generation.
I hate that while writing this I keep wondering how it will be received. I don’t want to come across as whiney. I also find myself wondering whether it is possible for me to express my frustrations without them coming across as, well, whiny. I will now set aside those pesky thoughts that arise with every sentence I write. I will keep them from making me go back to delete all that I have written, and I will go on.
I’d like to make it clear that I love being independent, and exploring my individuality. I merely want to try dating again, and am finding it to be very exasperating. Overcoming the discourses I have been hailed into is very difficult, but it is necessary. I suppose the moral of this all is that letting ourselves be controlled by the assumptions and values that are put upon us is incredibly constraining, and not worth the frustration and self-consciousness it so often causes. As Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” So, go do so, because you can. You can do anything.
