What Your Stamp Food Choice Says About You

Ah, Stamp. For better or worse, it's the hub of campus. Whether you're paying for overpriced textbooks that are still on backorder or being that guy that sleeps on the couches, you'll find yourself there a lot over the semester. What lends to the distinctive smell of Stamp is the plethora of food options. Your go-to food option says a lot about you:

Adele's

Adele's was fun when you needed to use up dining points. But that's no longer a thing with unlimited dining. It's hard to want to pay for DC prices when you're in a student union. If you're still going to Adele's, you like to brag about spending money, but it's not your money that you're spending. It's your parents' money. You probably don't have a job and your parents fund your lifestyle. If you were really treating yourself, you wouldn't do it in a student union.

Auntie Anne's

A pretzel is not a meal, no matter what you say. If you're getting Auntie Anne's for a meal, you probably don't know how to feed yourself without your parents' help. You haven't eaten a plant since the basil on that one slice of pizza you had last week. Was it even really basil? Who knows.

Chick-Fil-A

No one is more committed to their fast food choice than Chick-Fil-A fans. Come Sunday and you won't stop hearing about how it's basically the worst day ever (since last Sunday). If you're choosing Chick-Fil-A, you're extremely passionate bordering on annoying. Oh, you're eating McDonald nugs? I'm eating REAL chicken that once breathed air and had dreams. Okay, but it's still fast-food fried chicken in the end. Tone down the superiority complex.

McDonald's

You hate change and truthfully are not ready for adulthood. The future scares you and you're not ready to leave college for the real world. You rarely cook your own meals and don't separate your laundry. That being said, you know how to run with a good thing. McDonald's hasn't been disappointing so far, why change it?

Moby Dick

Is this really anyone's go-to? Oh, you're having mystery meat tacos? I'm having dolmeh. A large pretzel slathered in butter? Try joojeh. You don't settle for mediocrity and believe in treating yourself.

Panda Express

Panda Express fans are stubborn. I have talked to Panda fans who have said they find it disgusting but still wait on that that obscenely long line. Almost everyone feels like a terribly bloated mess after eating Panda but still put themselves through that torture. I have one question: Why? WHY?

Salad Works

Like the Chick-Fil-A fan, you have a superiority complex. Oh, you bought greasy fries? I have A SALAD. A. SALAD. Someone needs to tell the Salad Works fan that the creamy dressing, bacon, cheese, and croutons undo the few iceberg lettuce leaves in the meal.

Sbarro Pizza

I can deal with mystery meat tacos but put my foot down for Sbarro. Pizza already isn't amazing for you, so get something that actually tastes good. If your go-to is Sbarro, you just don't care. Yes, I just spent money on greasier-than-usual pizza that tastes like gooey cardboard. Oh, my final is tomorrow in 12 hours? Better start studying. The one thing College Park doesn't lack is the availability of pizzerias so don't settle. Learn your worth.

Subway

Subway has managed to convince people that eating a loaf of bread filled with meat, cheese, and sauce is healthy while overcharging for deli meat. Most people are vaguely aware of the Subway smell coming from TerpZone, but hardly ever go in. If your go-to is Subway, money is no object. If you really wanted a sandwich, you could've had the supplies at your house for the fraction of the cost. Out of all the options in Stamp, a sandwich your mom made for you in elementary school is the easiest to replicate.

Taco Bell

You're extremely low-maintenance and easily impressed. A taco shell with Dorito flavoring? Amazing. Americanized Mexican food covered in melted cheese? Genius. You unironically enjoy Mountain Dew and will get the largest size of Baja Blast whenever you can. Paying $3 extra for guac on my Mexican fix? Nah, this is college and I'm fine with my $1 taco that may or may not contain real meat.