First off, let me start this little listicle by saying congratulations to everyone who received a sorority bid this past Monday! You are now a proud member of Greek life and a new and truly loved sister to everyone in your chapter. However, with srat power comes srat responsibility. In order to be successful as a newly recognized srat star, it is very important that you abide by the following rules:
1. Wear your sorority's shirts everywhere.
Who cares if you only own a bid day shirt right now? Wear it every day, everywhere, for everyone to see. It is crucial that you do not wash your bid day shirt, so that you can keep its majestic powers alive.
2. Only post pictures of you and your sorority sisters on your Instagram.
If you are also posting pictures of your travels, dog, and/or family, you are doing srat life wrong and should stop immediately.
3. Adorn your laptop and backpack with exclusively things related to your new sorority.
Trust me, the entire student body desperately wants to know where you got a bid. Help them realize where you ended up by coating your laptop in srat stickers and your backpack in srat buttons.
4. Yell your sorority's chants while in lecture.
It's like a call and response! If you scream your sorority's chants for the entire lecture hall to hear, you'll be able to hear other people in your srat chanting as well. You'll never have to sit alone again.
5. Get everything monogrammed.
You never know if you'll be out and forget which things are yours. If you have everything monogrammed, you'll be able to easily locate all of your belongings. Everyone will applaud you for your smart thinking.
6. Abbrev all the words in the Eng lang.
Abbreviate all the words you know. Your friends and family will appreciate the thoughtfulness you put into making conversations easier and sentences shorter.
PRO TIP: Be sure to use abbreviations in all papers you write for class as well. This will ensure that you don't go over the page limit while still including all the content you need. Professors will love the fact that you were able to include more information in the same amount of space and will surely give you a good grade.
7. Dress the same as every other person in your pledge class.
I promise the public will think you and your sisters are just being cute and not basic for all dressing in the same outfit. To add onto the cuteness of your outfits, be sure to scream your sorority's chants as outlined in number four.
8. Wear makeup to the gym.
In fact, you should apply more before you start working out. People will be able to identify you as being in a sorority more easily and commend you on the fact that you survived Recruitment 2016. Your pores will thank you later.
9. Practice your srat squat.
Since you've covered every inch of your face with makeup, you may as practice your srat squat while you're at the gym too. It's impossible to look ridiculous when you just look that good.
10. Get a tattoo of your sorority's letters or your sorority's symbol somewhere visible on your body.
People will love your enthusiasm for your newly found sisterhood. Plus, you'll be throwing what you know everywhere you go!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: In all seriousness, congratulations to the recruitment class of 2016! It was a hectic couple of days, but now you're all able to enjoy the perks that come with sisterhood. However, do not do any of the things listed above. This is a work of satire meant purely for the enjoyment of its readers and is not actually a guide to sorority life.
That being said, you do you.
