Being different is hard. Like really hard. In almost an ugly duckling fashion, being something that no one else is puts people in to weird positions. Take for example ethnicity, religion, or sexuality. Some of these things are more obvious to the senses than others, but since we all seek genuine appreciation and adoration from others, all of the above will be revealed eventually.
All of my life, I, being of Asian descent, have tried to fit myself into my almost all-Caucasian habitats. Of course, my parents had to own a Chinese restaurant as well. While it scored me some points, most of the time it only enhanced a part of my social status in town.
I was a square peg in a round hole, and I was confined. I wanted to fit in with everybody else because it seemed like so much fun, but if you had a childhood, you learned to match the shape with the hole pretty quickly. I wasn't able to broaden my horizons, but at the same time, I couldn't force others to broaden theirs.
I would say that I was finally awakened to the effect of my Asian status during my sophomore and junior years, although when I was in the 8th grade, one of my friends told me that "if I was white" I would be hot. It didn't really bother me back then, but as time passed I became more of an intellectual individual. You see, I devised a sort of analogy that really helped me realize the true difference in being different than the rest of environment in which I lived. The following example comes from said analogy.
Imagine an orange Person A who is not interested in dating green people, and will only date people if they are purple. This is due to Person A growing up with purple people and growing accustomed to their interests. However, Person B, who is purple, will date neither orange nor green people since they are unaccustomed with both groups and only dates other purple people. What are the chances that Person B and Person A will end up dating?
Very small. You can replace "dating" with almost any verb, and the colors that I chose with any label, and you will always arrive at the same result. I picked dating because it's relatable and the colors because no one is purple, or green, or orange, unless its prom season. On a more serious note however, this is the true effect of a very real Golden Rule.
This was a factor of how self-conscious I sometimes felt because this made me feel irrationally sub-par. But the older I got, the more it seemed to hold weight.
What I wanted to do the most was give in because I thought that I was good enough. I couldn't understand why people were always chosen over me. It was unfair. So unfair. But saying that something is unfair is the easy way out.
No one should ever get what they want just because they complain. That is called spoiling.
Now I am definitely a fan of easy way outs, short-cuts, and cutting corners. They make life so easy. However, there are a few exceptions to my love of cut corners, such as Wendy's square patties and when it comes to improving my value as an individual. That is when I always take the extra step and go the extra mile.
So the next time that you feel undervalued, DON'T complain and say it's unfair.
Say my value is a glass of water with the volume at about half. I think that I am good enough so let's say that I think that I'm half-full. This girl I am trying to date thinks otherwise, so her value of me is half-empty. She refuses to date me. Should I beg her to accept me as half-full?
No. Of course not. That's ridiculous.
What I have chosen to do with my life that has encouraged me to work harder and also pushed away the dread, the general negativity of prejudice and the simple sub-par state of difference in the community, is to "fill the glass with more water". At least I say I try.
If you do this then you will be able to offer whoever it is more "water". If they still refuse to date you, then you will be able to offer that much more "water" to someone who values you than you initially would have been able to. Isn't that great?
So instead of spending time accepting defeat and then asking for fairness, take advantage of that unfairness. Use it as a launch pad to make yourself more valuable. If you weren't good enough before, then make yourself even better. In a total ugly duckling fashion, become the swan that all the ducks learn to love.
This is something that everyone, including me, should embrace. We would become the best of what humanity has to offer.
