Seeing my friends in college, working hard, and pursuing their dreams put me in some kind of a depressive state for the past few months. I could not quite grasp the reason for my feelings until recently. My life spun out of control, I wasn't motivated to do anything, and I didn't want to interact with people, other than my very close friends. Although I am very grateful for being accepted to my dream school, being a spring admit has made me more insecure and anxious than I had expected.
It seemed alright when I submitted my intent to register in May. In fact, I didn't even worry about starting school in January--it meant I had more time to prepare for college and possibly try out new things that I didn't have the time for. As soon as October came, however, the plethora of pictures my friends took with new faces, in new places and with new experiences, made me feel as if I was frozen in time, while everyone else was moved forward. Although I tried not to admit it, the thought of being behind everyone else unconsciously made me question my self-worth. It made me fret excessively about the additional hundred or so days left until I officially start school. I was worried that having more time meant having more time to think about being homesick; I fretted about falling behind, not being able to make friends and not having a proper term of reference-- in fall 2017, will I still be a freshman? A sophomore? Or a combo of the two, freshi-sophomore?
Gradually, after realizing the cause of my depression, I realized how unnecessary it was to spend all this time just worrying when instead I should be proud and happy about my accomplishment. All this time, I have been running towards the finish line, and as I grew older, I was faced with new finish lines, such as completing the SAT boot camp and preparing for college applications. This semester break has allowed me to take a step away from the busy, demanding world and relax for a while. I was granted more time to spend with my family, to get in touch with my old friends on the other side of the world and to think more about what I want to pursue at Cornell. Furthermore, I am more than lucky to have this semester break, as I could be there for my brother who has just started high school, meet my old friends at Northwood and, of course, go black Friday shopping with my mom's credit card.
Whenever I tell people the time I start school, most people either question why or worry that I will fall behind. But hey, I have always been trying so hard to catch up with the people around me and to adapt to a new environment every time I moved from one country to the next. I fell behind then in some aspects. But this time, I can prepare for what's coming next.
I just can't wait to start college soon!
