"For Anne to take things calmly would have been to change her nature. All 'spirit and fire and dew,' as she was, the pleasures of life came to her with trebled intensity."

My whole life, people have cautioned me against feeling things so deeply. They all meant well, and these admonitions were usually during a time where I was extremely sad, or angry, or just freaked out about something. But, I guess I'm also a creature of "spirit and fire and dew," a person who is hard to subdue in the name of rationality and emotional stability. Friends have told me countless times to not obsess, or to not freak out, or to simply contain myself. And yes, I do admit that experiencing every feeling I have in its' entirety is probably not the most consistent, reliable way of living. Being all fire and dew means that when you get rejected by someone you love, I will curl up in my bed and not move for what seems like days, aching over the possibilities that have been taken away from me. It means when I get lonely, the feeling almost overwhelms me, and I feel like I might be the only person in the world for a bit. I understand why some people around me find it easier to just filter emotions into consistency. One year in high school, I decided that I was done with emotions. It would just be better to turn everything off, and live life not feeling any pain. Yeah, the emotions didn't hurt as much anymore. I had control again. No one could hurt me anymore. But that great big block of concrete that I had to put up in my heart to keep myself from the rollercoaster of emotions, for some reason, hurt more than the feelings of sadness and loneliness and abandonment.

I realized that living my life unemotionally wasn't me. I admit, I am mostly fire and passion. If I don't take a second to assess the situation and talk to rational people around me, I can be downright stupid. I speak too fast, act too quickly, and expect too much of people. I laugh too hard, cry too much, and love life a whole lot. Because when you feel everything very deeply, you start to actively look for the good things in life. I search for the things that make me completely happy. If I am sad, that's okay. Sadness is beautiful too. It gives you empathy and makes you stronger, and when you let yourself mourn certain things, in the right way, it leaves you clean and better for it. Sadness is a good thing. But, if you get in the practice of feeling everything, there will come those days where you shimmer. Where you are so iridescently happy that you feel you must be shining. There comes the kind of happiness where you go to bed glowing, and wake up with a gigantic smile on your face. Those moments don't come to those who don't let themselves feel every feeling that has been gifted to them.

I think I will always be criticized for being too emotional. But I'm not going to stop. Emotions color life, and I have experienced life painted with the brightest yellows and the deepest blues and the most vibrant reds. A life without emotions is a life without color. So call me crazy. I will keep living my life of spirit and fire and dew.