Recently, I have had a lot of time to think about what I want in my next relationship. Intense love or easy-going calmness. Reflecting on my past relationships, I realize there are different types of love, and some work better for others. In high school, my relationship was a crazy rollercoaster; my feelings were stronger than ever, but the actual relationship was a lot of hard work to keep up with. However, in my next relationship, I had to fight for feelings to even come, but that's the only thing I had to fight for (at least in the beginning); everything came so easy in the relationship itself, but I never felt the way I did about the guy I dated in high school.

So, after we broke up, it got me thinking: what do I want for my future? An easy relationship where we get along well and hang out a lot but never feel what I once felt, or a more struggling relationship that is only worth it because of the intense love that it comes with? I see a lot of different views for this. I even put a survey on twitter: Sparks VS. Stability (Stability won). But, I can't help but disagree.

I have decided that I will never, ever choose stability and security over sparks and strong feelings again. I have learned my lesson.

You see, you cannot, in any way, control who you love. You can try, but it doesn't work out that way. For every one, there is that one person that just makes you feel things you just can't explain. Be with the person who makes you feel more than anyone else is capable of. There's a reason you're drawn to them, maybe a reason you are not aware of. It's okay to not be able to tell your friends why you love someone, as long as you know you do.

Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have that stable, secure relationship, but at what cost? You can tell very early on how you're going to feel about someone. Right away, you know if you're drawn to them because you just are, or if you like them because of what they do or how they act.

When you truly love someone, you shouldn't really be able to describe why. Sure, we can say it's because of this or that (pretty smile, good sense of humor, sweet actions), but, it's almost just trying to think of reasons to come up with, even though you know you'd love that soul no matter what.

I was the girl that got asked almost every day, "Why him?" and honestly, I just laughed and shook my head, because there was so much to that boy that no one else saw but me. I'd try to explain, but it would never come out right. I just knew I loved him for him, and nothing could change that.

Sparks are something so special. It's hard to find and impossible to force. If you don't feel it's right with the person you're with, even though nothing's necessarily wrong with the relationship, it's usually just not the right one. Not anyone's fault, just can't make something that's not there. There are so many times I see an awesome girl with a guy that isn't even all that, and I wonder, what does he bring to the table? But then I remember, she just loves him. She can't help but love him, not for his looks or his personality even, just for his soul, and those are my favorite relationships.

So, next time you're stuck picking between the guy who you still have feelings for years later and you don't go a day without thinking about and the guy that treats you well but you don't feel it with him, know there's a reason you don't feel it. You cannot force feelings, no matter how hard you try, trust me.

Real, intense love is worth all the stress it takes. The butterflies you get 3 years later when you hear his name is worth maybe not seeing each other as often as you'd like. Don't give up on true love because something more convenient came around. Fight for your spark! Fight for the type of love that people can see in your eyes when you look at each other. Listen to your head, but trust in your heart.

Love is so special. Don't take the girl out to dinner if you're not anticipating it all day; don't go out with the guy just because he lives next door and it'd be easy to see him often. Don't date someone because they are convenient. Be with the person you know you'd be with no matter how inconvenient it would be. Because life changes fast, and convenience changes even faster. Be with the person you really, deeply, unconditionally love.

Because that love is so hard to find and impossible to force.