Southern Hospitality Is As Fake As The People Who Practice It

Southern Hospitality Is As Fake As The People Who Practice It

Cause everywhere else in the country, it's called being a two-faced little....

Uber Topic

The Southern part of the United states is famous for its fried food, slow pace, and good old southern hospitality. It’s the practice of being particularly warm, sweet, and welcoming to strangers or visitors to one’s home. It can come in the form of compliments, unhurried conversation, and doting on guests' every desire. Almost sounds too good to be true, right? Well, that’s because it is.

Southern hospitality may be nice on the surface until you realize the person being hospitable is completely and utterly faking it. I don’t know how anyone in the south can figure out if someone really likes them or if they are just being “hospitable.” Because the second you leave or turn your back, they are talking crap about you.

Saying “I practice southern hospitality” to me now translates to “I’m completely two-faced and you’ll never know how I really feel about you." Because, in practice, southern hospitality involves straight up lying to people.

And Southern hospitality only applies to those who are Christian, right-winged, and straight. They'll be friendly and folksy until they figure out you're either a non-Christian, a leftist, or homosexual. Because, if you don’t fit into their stereotype, you aren’t deserving of kindness.

I was bred in Boston. Bostonians are very blunt. We tell it like it is in the northeast; No nonsense. When we don’t like someone, we aren’t overly kind to their face. Because, to a northeastern resident, that is considered fake. If you grew up in New York or Boston, or anywhere in the northeast, you know that pleasantries are a waste of time. It takes a lot of energy that people don’t have to be disingenuous. And time that you don’t have.

What's the use of wasting precious time lying to someone's face? You don’t have to be rude, but you don’t have to be nice. If you have to hide your social judgments with “please”, “thank you”, and “bless your heart”; you’re being fake. I prefer the north, where people don’t hide their judgments in kind words: they were them on their sleeve. There is something incredibly patronizing and condescending about the term "bless your heart" in general.

The reason for the disingenuous behavior in the south has been explained by psychologists as a culture of honor. In cultures of honor, people's behavior in overly polite, excessively generous ways to people's faces in order to not offend their “honor.” Because, in that culture, people react more dramatically when they feel their “honor” has been challenged. So, in order to avoid conflict, everyone behaves in an overly polite, kind, and affectionate manner as to not offend anyone.

It’s been deemed as one of the reasons the American South has a much higher violent crime rate. Men raised in this culture feel the need to act aggressively when challenged. It’s also been noted that part of the problem is the politics of the Bible Belt. “Politically, people in the South tend to reject gun control, favor capital punishment, corporal punishment and the building of a strong national defense.” So southerners, your beliefs seem a little contradictory to your nicely-nice facade you put on. It's actually funny how the same region that lynched people for being another race, implemented Jim Crow laws and commits more violent crimes then the rest of the nation wants to preach about manners.

A 1996 study tackled this idea of the culture of honor. 42 northerners and 41 southerners were taken and told by a research they’d need to go through a hallway to get to the next research room. In the hallway, there was a man set-up to bump into the other man and call him a name. After being bumped into, the Southern testosterone was miles higher than the northerners. They take greater offense to insults. (read the full study here)

Maybe it’s because southerners aren’t used to being insulted, but I can’t comprehend why you would want someone to lie to your face and call you names when you aren’t around. Just call me the name. I don’t want to have to overanalyze every social interaction to determine if someone actually likes me or they're just following their southern social norms.

Recently, a Louisiana native pulled the wool right over my own eyes. She came to my house, cooked me and my family many great meals, and showered us with compliments and kind words. In reality, she had a huge problem with my jokes, my political beliefs, my religious attitudes, my cussing, and the rest of my family.

As a native northeasterner, this behavior is baffling. I’ve never been forced to decipher how someone feels about me since people are usually honest and upfront about their beliefs. So I assumed she genuinely believed the nice things she said, but nope. I didn’t realize they were all two-faced.

If you don’t like someone, you don’t have to outright rude to them, but you sure as hell do not o out of your way to make them think you like them.

So here’s my cry to the south: start having honest interactions with people. Don’t compliment someone’s clothes if you think they don’t fit correctly. Don’t say the meal was delicious if you're hacking it up in the bathroom. Don’t tell someone you liked their singing voice if you find yourself wanting a pair of earplugs.

And, if you need help figuring out what “honest” means, here is the dictionary definition of it. To be honest, means to be “sincere: frank”. Sort of like how we do it in the north, huh? Y'all could take a page from our book.

So if you are going to come into my house and act completely fake, y'all better NOT come back now, ya hear?

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

13 Father's Day Shirts Under $30 To Gift The Dad Wearing The Same Two Every Day In Quarantine

You've been begging him to change it up, and now he won't have a choice.

Let's be honest: most of our dads are wearing the same shirts today that they probably wore while changing our diapers and holding our hands as we learned to walk. Sure, we love them for it. But whether you're quarantined with him wearing the same two shirts on rotation every week, or every time you FaceTime him, you know what he'll be wearing before he answers the phone, he needs to add some new items to his wardrobe rotation.

And you know dads — they'll feel guilted into using practically anything you were to give them. But these shirts are sure-fire ways to get him to switch up his wardrobe, and he'll be more than excited to wear each and every one of them. Plus, most of them are under twenty dollars, so no harm in dropping more than a couple in to your cart and letting Dad have his pick of his favorites.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Sat Down (Virtually) With Hollis Tuttle To Talk About Coronavirus's Impact On The Wellness Industry

Just because coronavirus has greatly impacted the wellness industry doesn't mean wellness stops.

If you're anything like me, your weekly fitness classes are a huge part of your routine. They keep me fit, healthy, and sane. Honestly, these classes help my mental health stay in tip-top shape just as much as they help my physical health.

Due to the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, gyms and fitness studios are facing temporary closure. Yes, this means my personal routine is thrown a curveball, but this also means the wellness industry is one of many that is looking at unemployment and hardship. Do I miss my Monday spin class? Of course. But do the wellness professionals whose worlds were flipped upside down have a lot more to overcome than a slight change of routine? Absolutely. Thankfully, if anyone can prove the ultimate flexibility, it's the wellness industry.

Keep Reading... Show less

My Boyfriend Has Changed Since Quarantine Began, And I Don't Know What To Do

"All he says is 'I love you,' which is great and all but OMG I can't get anything else out of him."

Each week Swoonie B will give her advice on anonymous topics submitted by readers. Want to Ask Swoonie B something related to dating and relationships? Fill out this form here — it's anonymous.

Dear Swoonie B,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year, which has been the best year of my life (as far as i know). Well we go to different schools and are both very involved in sports and school activities which makes it hard to see each other. During this quarantine it is especially hard. Since we haven't seen each other in over a week things are kind of tense. He won't really talk to me much and I always check in on him to make sure he is doing well and to just see how he is, ya know being a girlfriend. Well apparently that is driving him crazy and I don't understand how. I'm not being controling or clingy, i'm just checking in on him. While this is happening, I also have noticed how he just doesn't really care anymore. I'll leave him paragraphs of sweet love letters to wake up to and I encourage him throughout his day but I just don't get it in return. I love him with all of me and I obviously care about him a lot. Also, I've compared how he talked to me before all of this has happened. He was so sweet and caring, texting me a lot and telling me he loves me and just making sure everything is OK but he doesn't do that anymore. All he says is "I love you," which is great and all but OMG I can't get anything else out of him. He is a little stressed at home with trying to find another job to pay for his car, constantly having to do things for his mom, being responsible for his siblings, and managing school. I know thats a lot but im doing a lot too right now and going through a lot of the same stuff he is but It seems to me he just does not care and i don't know what to do. Please help me or give me some advice on what to say, what not to say, what to do, what not to do. Anything at this point will help. Thank you!

If I had a dollar for every time I heard "these are unprecedented times," I'd be rich. But that's because it's true!

Keep Reading... Show less
Tower 28

On paper, Amy Liu appears to be one of the most intimidating women in the beauty business. Not only did she launch her beauty marketing career at legendary Smashbox Cosmetics, she went on to lead luxury, high-end brands like Kate Somerville and Josie Maran — just to name a few.

But sitting down to meet Liu for the first time in an underground New York bar over a year ago felt like meeting a friend I'd known since childhood. As she walked into the bar in a chic red dress, it was impossible not to feel her immediate warm presence. When she talks about her history as an entrepreneur (and truly, at heart, she always was one), you don't get the sense that she's selling you anything, though with her impeccable taste, I'd use anything that had her glowing review attached to it.

Keep Reading... Show less

Sixth grade was the year that you were allowed to participate in a school sport. This was what my friends and I had all been waiting for since we started middle school. I had already made the cheer team with my friends, but I had to wait to start that in the winter since we cheered for basketball. I really wanted to have some sort of activity in the fall, but I did not know what to do. Somehow, I decided to run cross country. Not really sure how I decided on a sport where it was quite literally just running. A few of my friends were doing it as well, so I knew it was going to be fun.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Working Out Every Day During Quarantine Helps Me Feel A Sense Of Control

Physical activity helps my mental health in a world that feels uncertain.

Before the pandemic, I exercised a handful of times a week at best. In quarantine, I've been exercising every single day. I don't want this article to be another spiel about how exercise "changed my life," and all the other cliches that health gurus use to convince others to work out more. Rather, I want to reveal that exercise is a tool that works for me because it boosts my mental health when I feel like the world is spiraling out of control.

Keep Reading... Show less

To say that 2020 has been a bit of a roller coaster is an extreme understatement. Who knew that this decade was going to start off like THIS!? Not me, not you, and not that sweet old lady who lives down the street. One thing is certain though — while the world may be a mess right now, you can still fuel your body with food that keeps you happy and healthy. Thankfully, as we are all spending more time inside, you can get healthy snacks delivered straight to your front door! Amazon has never been more convenient (and tasty).

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments