Someone runs into you, you say sorry. You hiccup in class, you say sorry. You look at someone for too long, you say sorry.
Are you really sorry though?
If you are sorry, why are you sorry?
We have become so accustomed to apologizing every time we are in an awkward situation, every time we embarrass ourselves, and every time we think we may be reprimanded. Chances are though, you do not need to be sorry every time something goes wrong or is out of place – that is simply too much apologizing.
Not only do we need to stop apologizing for things that are out of our control, this constant apologetic state makes actual apologies less effective.
The Psych Central World of Psychology blog states that, “While there’s no way of getting around ever having to say you’re sorry, resorting to repetitious apologies in an effort to restore trust and intimacy with your partner can produce unexpected results” (Veronica Monet, YourTango.com).
Whether you are constantly apologizing to a partner, a loved one, a friend, a coworker, or numerous random strangers, the effect is not only psychologically daunting on the one receiving the apologies, but also on yourself.
Saying sorry used to be the thing your parents made you do when you took your sister's toy or you stuck your tongue out. It was something that held meaning, a step in making amends. Now, we throw the words around almost as if they mean nothing.
If you are frequently placing yourself in situations where you in fact should be sorry, then that is a different story. However, it still holds true that overuse of the words result in them carrying less weight. If you are always late to work meetings, sorry will only go so far. If you and your friend got in a terrible fight, there is only so much saying sorry can do. You see, it is not enough to say you are sorry, but we actually have to be sorry.
This is another reason why constant apologies need to #gtfo and why they are unnecessary. Sure, eating a crunchy bag of chips during a silent lecture probably is not the most favorable thing you could do, but do not apologize. You are not sorry because you are still going to eat the chips and enjoy the heck out of them.
Do not say sorry if you are not sorry.
Do not say sorry if you do not have anything to be sorry for.
Some jerk is rushing through the hallway with a ginormous backpack and a longboard that happens to ram into you, slowing him down and tripping you up. Do not apologize for this! He ran into you, not the other way around. Sure, you are startled and do not want to be beaten by a longboard, but the person who ran into you is at fault.
If you do not know something, at a new job for instance, do not apologize. You are new and you are allowed to ask questions and make mistakes. Being sorry for something that is inevitable will not do anything for you or your confidence.
Moral of the story, stop being sorry. Unless you have a legitimate reason to be sorry, do not apologize. I promise, life will go on if you do not apologize for every little thing.
