Have you ever felt like you were forcing yourself to do something that you truly wanted to do? Maybe it's running five miles, maybe it's waking up early to have a productive day. I'm sure everyone has had that type of experience.
For me, it's hanging out with the people I love.
I've always seen myself as an extroverted person, but for the past six months I have just wanted to be alone. But I don't want to be alone. This is probably the hardest thing I have ever wrote because it's so hard to make sense of it, I barely know what I'm saying. I don't know if this is actually called something but this is how I feel 95 percent of the time.
When people ask to hangout in a bigger group of people I freak out and tell people I can't hang out with them. I really want to go but I can't bring myself to actually go. I've thought about how it could be anxiety with larger groups of people, but I don't have any issues being in crowded places or even speaking in public. I haven't put this much thought into something with finals, so maybe it's me overthinking.
Not only do I feel bad for not going to hang out with the people I care for the most, I feel shitty because I'm missing out.
FOMO hits hard when I see people post things on their Snapchat stories, or if those friends don't message me back quickly. I have no answers to why I feel that way when my friends are spending time with those they love when I was also given the exact same option.
I love all my friends dearly but I can't hang out in groups anytime soon and I hope you all understand.