To be honest? There have been many times where I've wanted to drop out of school. As much as I joke about it with my friends, as much as I mention it just nonchalantly, there have been times where I've been dead serious.
I don't know what it is. Entering my spring semester as a sophomore, I've been given so many great opportunities to help boost my career path and steer it in the right direction, but at the same time, there have been times where I've wanted to just call it quits. It's a struggle, to put it into nicer terms.
I enrolled myself in classes I needed to earn more credits towards my degree, and they are probably the most boring things I've ever sat through. Currently taking a history class, a statistics class, an African American literature class, a Radio/TV/Film class, and a writing class, I can probably say that I only enjoy my RTF class and my journalism class. I never really understood why I needed Modern US History from 1877 to get a multimedia journalism degree? But, if it's required? Guess I gotta take it. Just the thought of learning about reconstruction and America after the Civil War doesn't really benefit me when I'm working towards working in sports.
The workload is crazy. I don't handle multiple situations happening at the same time very well. It makes my anxiety climb and then I just want to breakdown. It's the matter of trying to organize everything into a schedule that works for me. I currently work five jobs on top of going to school full time and that just makes me want to rip my hair out. If I could? I would reduce it to probably three of the five, but, I, unfortunately, don't have that privilege yet. I'm working on it, though.
I've written before about prioritizing my mental health and putting myself before others, but that really becomes difficult when you have deadlines to meet. And it's very rare for jobs to be understanding about your mental health and I've unfortunately paid the consequences for that. But, I can't help my mental health at times, I can't control everything about me, sometimes it just happens. I'm not a fan of it, so I know my workplace isn't a fan of it but when I'm so overwhelmed that I'm having breakdowns at work? That's where I draw the line.
If I have to confess anything, I have to confess that I am at a loss with what to do in regards to schooling, working, controlling my life in general. I vent to my friends, I try to get my shit together, but it just keeps becoming a bigger shit-show than it was before. I love the opportunities that have been given to me through my writing experience and my hobbies, but at the same time, as I stated, I wish there was a way to cut it. It's all about making money and surviving and trying to establish myself as an adult and prove to people that I'm capable of being the best me. I let stupid shit get in my way, I stress myself out for no reason, and I know I shouldn't be doing that, but again, I don't know what to do about it. It really becomes a struggle and really doesn't help that I've hit that sophomore slump in schooling.
So, if anyone's got advice for me? I'd love to hear it. If I can give any advice to someone? Don't load up your plate. Only take what you can handle, or you'll end up crashing and burning.
