All throughout elementary, high school, and college we are all thrown in with kids who come from the same community. Usually, that’s where the similarities end. Some likes may be the same, but you (most likely) won’t come from the same background as the person sitting next to you during homeroom.
Friends, especially during high school, are made primarily because you want to eat lunch with someone. There are friends who you make through drama club, or chess club, or through that history project that you never wanted to work on.
When I graduated, I realized that these weren’t the only friends who I would make. I would also make friends on the trips that I’ve gone on or through my interests.
That’s when I started college.
I made friends. I flourished. I can now talk to people who I hardly know, but I’m still quiet and that’s fine.
When I came to college, I made friends.
Then I realized that, sometimes, your best friend isn’t your best friend.
You will still have all of those memories, like the shared laughs and the late nights like I do, but the rose tinted glasses have been taken off. Now, there’s a sepia tone. Everything that was once so bright and lively is dull and metallic and it leaves a sharp taste in your mouth.
For everyone else, your best friend is still the same person. For you—and for me—that mirage has dissipated.
Sometimes, keeping your best friend, or any friend, hurts you more than letting go of them will. Letting go of them will hurt. It’s like you’re closing a door and you get your fingers stuck. You essentially are closing a door. You're walking away with the hope of finding something better.
Sometimes, that something better doesn’t come for a while.
Like me, you may find yourself wanting to crawl back on your hands and knees to beg this person for forgiveness, to beg your best friend with the pearly laugh to love you again.
Best friends don’t work that way.
Toxic people are toxic and life doesn’t care if they’re the people who you depend on the most. Life also won’t care when you say goodbye or when you don’t. Life keeps moving and so should you. Keep moving away from the person who made you laugh so hard, but who also caused you so much pain.
Throughout my life, I have gotten close to people who drew me in with hugs and smiles and who let me go with fresh bruises and cuts. These people brought a tremendous amount of pain into my life and, for the longest time, I didn’t know how to leave them. They were my friends and I loved them, but, a few years down the line, when they were injuring my family too, I knew that the best possible thing to do was to distance myself.
Sometimes, I’m wrong.
Sometimes, the person who I thought meant me harm didn’t actually mean to hurt me. Taking a step back can reveal this when I take another look at the situation from a different perspective.
I’m wrong, at times. Sometimes, your best friend is your best friend. They are the person who you can turn to whenever you are excited, angry, or upset. They are simultaneously the person who you hug in moments of joy and the person who you cry to in moments of grief.
You will have fights with this person and you won’t even want to talk to them. It’s important to remember that, sometimes, your best friend is your best friend and they love you more than you can know. So, take a deep breath, step back, and reassess. It’s worth it. The friendship and love that you share with them demand your time, your consideration, and, most importantly, your understanding. Your best friend is your best friend. Sometimes they're not, but sometimes (most times) they are.
