There is one thing I want you to know before anything else. If you find yourself wondering if you are in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, please get out as soon as you can. If the thought even creeps into your head, put an end to it before it can grow. If you find yourself searching "what is an abusive relationship" or you tell your friends the fights you get into, and they get scared for your safety, end it. I have been in this situation more than once, and let me tell you, those two relationships are why I am writing this today. You deserve someone who will cherish your feelings, not destroy them. You deserve someone who will hold you instead of hit you. Don't ever feel like you deserve less than the best.
This is actually where I made mistake after mistake and eventually, I learned from them. I felt like I deserved the lowest of low because I felt like I wasn't important. These boys saw that and took advantage of these emotions. They told me I shouldn't feel that way but then minutes later, made me feel the exact way that they said not to feel. They manipulated my emotions until they knew they had me for the long run. They both found my weakness and ran with it. I wanted to take it back and run away with it, but I had it engraved in my head that I didn't deserve anything good. I didn't deserve someone who would treat me with the respect and the trust that everyone deserves to have.
The first boy I broke up with was a very emotionally sensitive person. I know it seems strange that he would manipulate my emotions but he didn't even realize he was doing it. I broke up with him because he had become too controlling and had lost all trust in me. The constant texts and FaceTime calls, asking where I was, wanting to be with me every waking moment of the day. It was suffocating and I couldn't handle it anymore. Breaking up was the right thing to because without him, I made so many new friends and was able to do al the things I felt like I couldn't when I was with him. He ended up fine, we still talk sometimes but we both agree that breaking up was the best thing for us in the long run.
The second boy was very different. He was my longest relationship but I had been through hell and back with this boy. We had only been together for a year but it felt like so much longer. He also struggled with trust issues and this got bad about 3/4 of the way through the relationship. Always needing to Snapchat me and FaceTime me just to make sure I wasn't lying to him. He had become very possessive and controlling and I didn't need that, especially since I had just entered college and sometimes wanted to just go out and not have to tell him every detail of the night. The breakup was messy and he has cut off all communication with me but I know it was for the better. I don't miss him but I am happy he is happy.
Now you may think I hate all my exes but you are very wrong. I never broke up with them because I hated them. I broke up with them for different reasons but I never wanted to cause anyone to feel unhappy and I felt like I was doing that. I still want the best for both of them and I wish them the best of luck in life. I told my therapist that and she said to me "I have never heard anyone say that before. That truly shows what kind of person you are." I always figured people wanted the best for their exes but I guess not. It may be the hardest thing to do in the moment, but if the thought of breaking up ever comes up in your head, you know what you need to do, and I know you can do it.
