When I tell people how long I have been with my boyfriend, they usually get surprised eyebrows and some kind words like "that's amazing!" Then they proceed to ask me why we're not engaged yet. I tell them how old we are, and then that's when the question hits: "Well, y'all are so young, have you dated other people?"
Logically, I know I don't have to explain myself, but I always find myself trying to. Yes, I have been in relationships before, and so has my significant other. But since we started dating in high school, I feel like those aren't considered "real relationships" to those I'm talking to. But here's the thing, I learned something from those relationships. I learned something from the relationships all around me—our parents, our family, our friends, the random couple in line with us at the grocery store. We listen to their stories of success and failure, and we talk about how it applies to us in our relationship.
Dating other people won't necessarily give us the better tools for a lifelong marriage. To me, it's showing that a relationship is only about finding the right match, instead of commitment and resilience. Now, do not get me wrong, a good match can go a long way and will ensure some parts of a happy commitment, However I know that there will be times that we both want to give up, that we don't want to be around each other, and that things will just be very difficult. Being a right match for each other won't help us get through that. Rather, teamwork, persistence and patience will help us through those tough times. I don't think that dating several people in my adult life will help me acquire those qualities.
It's difficult to respond to the question "Have you dated other people?" because I always fumble over my words or have a sarcastic comment like "No, I have never met another man before in my life." What I wish I had the courage to say is: I know he's the one. Why would I waste time on another when I know he is the one? He isn't the same person as when I met him, but that's good because it means that we're growing together. I know that when things do get difficult (read: when I get difficult) that he will be there for me. I see other relationships, I've been in other relationships, and I know that I do not want to be with anyone else. He is the one I want to sit next to for the rest of my life. We will get married, we're just waiting until we're a little less young and we've accomplished some of our goals, but we're still doing that together. And together we will keep on answering the same question: "Have you dated other people?"
