When you miss a person sometimes it is for the right reasons or all of the wrong ones. Either way, you still find yourself burning CDs of their favorite songs, reading books by their favorite authors, going to the places you used to go together. You do these things because you want to feel the way you used to when they were around. You're trying to recreate the time you had with this person on your own because you aren't ready to admit that your time together has come and gone. Nostalgia is a dirty, dirty liar.
But if you have ever missed someone you never had then you are familiar with a much worse pain. It feels like hell. It feels like you are digging back through your past for memories and feelings only to realize that most of them were based off of your own fantasy. No teenage girl should be able to feel this kind of pain but somehow we all get the unfortunate pleasure of it stabbing us right in the heart, when we least expect it.
Missing someone you never had is confusing, complicated and messy. It's hard to explain to your friends and family why you feel the way that you do. How could you possibly miss someone that you never really had? What is there to miss? Well, the answer is everything.
You miss the suspense, the "what if's," the late-night texts and the early morning sunrises. You miss the guessing games and waiting hours for a response. You miss his brown eyes, thin lips, and soft hands. You miss everything you never had. And you miss it in ways that make you want it all over again.
Sometimes you will miss them in waves. You will find that little things remind you of him throughout the day and you will hold back from texting him because you don't have any reason to. You never really did. Sometimes you will miss them in windstorms. There will come days where it seems like all you do is think about him. You can't concentrate in class, you can't seem to keep your eyes on the road. All you can do is wonder, does he ever miss me? The truth is probably not.
It is normal to miss someone who was never yours. In fact, it is more common. You still have unanswered questions and open-ended goodbyes. You still have hope in the "what if's" and you still have faith that maybe one day he will change. Maybe.
On the nights you find yourself missing him drive around and listen to his favorite song, read this article, get yourself a tub of ice cream and realize that it is okay to miss someone who broke your heart.
