Making friends had not always been my thing. For the longest time I only had a small group of three to six friends who were in my life. It wasn't until my sophomore year of high school that I felt like I had really found people who I loved being around -- the people who became my best friends. For the next three years, I was lucky enough to be able to be in multiple organizations and I found a lot of different people who made me feel at home. I thought I had found forever friends. What no one tells you about college is how far apart you can grow from people who you thought could have been your long-lost sisters.
I stayed close to my hometown my first semester of college while most of my friends were spread out around the state and the country. I felt alone a lot and felt like I couldn't do anything about it. I was sitting there watching people move on with their lives, make new friends and what felt like forgetting about me. I came to find out I was on the bad side of one-sided friendships when it was already too late. You start to wonder what it was that happened, what fell through. You replay all the things you could have done differently in your mind and then finally realize that they never cared for you like you thought and that one notion breaks your heart into a million pieces.
Ending a friendship, especially one that has lasted over four years, is by far the hardest thing I have had to do. You don't want to just cut someone off, but it comes to a point where it is an unhealthy and toxic situation. It is awkward and feels wrong. You regret your decision thinking about the numerous sleepovers and laughs that you shared, but there is just not anything you can do to mend the break. I have found that people change, people grow up, people move on. I now consider it a part of life. This happened to me over the past three months and I have cut a lot of people out of my life, but I have stopped worrying about it. I now surround myself with positive people who genuinely care about me and love me for being myself, and not someone who others wanted me to be. Positive things come from change.
To those who are no longer there for me, I don't want to be mad. I wish that it didn't end on bad terms, but sometimes it happens. I don't want to forget all of the good times we had together. I will never regret being your friend or consider and of it "wasted time." You made me happy and made me felt like I mattered for a point in time, but you can no longer do that for me. You were there for me when I needed you until you weren't. I still care for you and always will. The happy memories will always outweigh the bad, no matter the sour taste left behind. Thank you for being my friend while you could.
