Growing up in an ableistic society has never been easy. I find it hard to understand the setup of the world around me. We’re in a so-called “progressive” society where we are trying to become more inclusive and more accepting of different groups of people, yet people are failing to see one glaring issue in our society: Ableism. Now there is a chance that you don’t even know what the word means, so let me put in the definition.
a·ble·ism
ˈābəˌlizəm/
noun
- discrimination in favor of able-bodied people.
Ableism is the discrimination that people aren’t seeing. Why? Because you can only see it once you experience it. People can’t understand it until they either have some sort of disability or someone they love has a disability. Unfortunately for me and my family, we understand ableism too well.
When I was just a small child, my eldest brother was in a car accident that changed all of our lives. He became paralyzed. He couldn’t walk. It took him a long time to overcome his tremors, which never fully went away. He needed a lot of help with a lot of different things. Most of the time, it wasn’t because he couldn’t do something himself, it was because the setup of the world around him was established for people who can walk.
Think of the roughest sidewalk you know. Now envision that you want to go grab a drink, be it a coffee, a tea, a milkshake, whatever. The door is narrow and at the top of a small, steep set of steps. Now picture yourself leaving the place and stepping off of the curb to cross the street.
Okay, stop. That’s all normal to you, yes? Put yourself in my brother’s position. You’re sitting in your power wheelchair and you move down the street.You wish that you could use the sidewalk, but your chair would never work there. You’d get stuck. You heard that there was a new coffee shop opening up in town and you are excited to go check it out! You pull up to the building and…! Oh. I guess you won’t get to head inside to get a drink. That’s too bad. Your throat is kind of scratchy. But even if there was a ramp, it’s too steep and that doorway would never get your wheelchair through. But you know that there is a great place across the street! You always go there! You turn the chair around and…the nearest dip in the sidewalk to avoid the curb is all the way at the other end of the street. You would just challenge the curb, but you would rather not be thrown out of your chair…again. You can’t tip it upright by yourself anyway.
“Well doesn’t that just suck? Isn’t there any way that we can change you so that you can do all that stuff?” Thanks, society, but there is nothing wrong with me, there is something wrong with you! Why should someone in a wheelchair have to change (when they can’t) to have access to places and things? Society can change, but people cannot change their physical abilities.
This was the life my family saw for my brother. He needed someone to be with him 24 hours of the day, 7 days a week because he could not do things for himself. He couldn’t go into certain places because either the only way in was by climbing stairs or the ramp was too steep or even because the door was too narrow. He wanted to do things on his own, but society would not let him.
My brother is no longer with us; he passed away three years ago. I will never stop seeing the flaws in the sidewalks that could cause an issue for a wheelchair. I will never stop cursing at the broken automatic doors. I will never stop complaining about the narrow doorways. He may be gone, but he is still with me. I developed the skill of looking for these challenges in society by living my life with a brother in a wheelchair.
Society needs to gain this inspecting eye as well. And I’m not talking about how people stare at those with disabilities. Society needs to grow and develop in various ways. There are so many disabilities out there, yet people still don’t know what to do if they meet someone who is disabled! Let me fill you in on a secret. We’re humans too. You don’t need to stare at someone in a wheelchair. I realize that my leg braces seem abnormal to you, but they help me. There is nothing wrong with the person who is blind, or deaf, or someone with Down’s Syndrome. We’re all human. We know our limits and we push ourselves to them and beyond them just like anyone else. The best thing that you can do is acknowledge your biases against those with disabilities.
Change your language. “Retarded” should not be in your vocabulary. Someone is not “deaf and dumb.” Deafness does not have any baring on intelligence. It shouldn’t be “the autistic boy” because he is a boy with autism; person-first language helps you to realize just that: they are a person first.
Change your attitude. You don’t know what a person is and isn’t capable of just because you know the name of his or her disability. Just because you see someone in a wheelchair does not mean you should assume that they cannot walk. Just because you see someone using sign language does not mean that they are deaf. We all know what happens when you assume things, right? (If not, consider this for a little while: ass-u-me).
Change your actions. Don’t ignore someone because of a disability. They are people too. They want friends. They want to talk. Give them the time of day just like you would anyone else. Don’t treat them any differently. If they ask for help, give it, but don’t just assume that they want your help. You can ask if they want you to do something, but don’t be mad if they say no and also don’t take that one no as a permanent no. They may want your help with something else. If they do want your help, give it to them! Be nice about it. Don't make them feel like an infant and don't belittle them. And the biggest thing, don’t isolate them. This means don’t stare, don’t put all the people with disabilities into one group, don’t assume that they know your cousin just because he is in a wheelchair too. Its rude.
Be good to one another.
