This story is not one that many people know, and I guess I've kept it that way for a reason. I've seen time and time again, how this story plays out: Boy meets girl, girl clings to the idea of a "perfect high school relationship", boy thinks it's moving too fast- the end.
Oh how I wish I could say that was the end.
There's something hopelessly romantic about this story, It's sad, annoying, frustrating, and all the signs say that they are never meant to be together, but theres also something raw and beautiful that makes it seem like its not quite the end for these two.
They met in high school:
Alice, who sometimes went by A , was a petite shy-girl with braces and big bright blue eyes. She had box dyed black hair because she thought it made her look more like her mom, and she loved music. Alice was smart, and independent. Since her mom had passed away when she was a child, it had been her and her dad against the world. Alice's entire life was filled with loss, but she always had a smile on her face. Although confident and charming on the outside, Alice was very self conscious and she didn't think very highly of herself.
Reese, was an athletically built "pretty boy" who played varsity soccer. He had a smile that could melt the heart of anyone, especially his mother. He had light brown hair, that turned blonde in the summer sun. He had big brown eyes, long lashes that any girl would die for, and eyebrows that took up just the right amount of his face. He kept to himself. No one knew anything about Reese, and he liked it that way. No one ever knew what he was thinking, or feeling, not even his closest friends knew what was going on inside Reese's mind.
After being introduced through a mutual family friend, Reese and Alice started dating. It was a short lived relationship. Since the two lived 30 minutes from each other, they only saw each other on weekends, or at Reese's soccer games. Alice was able to spend the night on weekends because she was close with Reese's little sister Anna, and they could stay in the same room.
Anna was a few years younger than Reese and Alice, and growing up with only a brother, she looked up to Alice. Alice was the first girl Reese brought around that was nice to Anna.
Reese and Alice went on dates to professional soccer games, but mostly just to Reeses not-so professional club games. Alice didn't mind, she loved getting to spend time with him and his family on the weekend; getting to eat breakfast in the morning in his old band t-shirts.
After about a month though, things just weren't going the way either had expected, and they broke up. The break up took a toll on Alice; she had never experienced feelings like that before.
The two had this on-and-off lust "
But it took all the strength in her body to let him go. After leaving his house for the last time for awhile- she sat on the bedroom floor of her tiny two bedroom apartment, and broke down. She cried until she stopped loving him, and for the most part, it worked.
Eventually, their lives faded in two different directions. Reese met the girl of his dreams, Marie, decided to join the military, and started his life.
The summer after graduating high school, Alice was thriving. She finally got her braces off, blossomed a bit, and started to catch the eyes of people who never noticed her before. She and her friends spent every night under the stars, driving around back roads, getting ice cream, and seeing every movie that hit the big screen that summer. Reese was not even a thought in Alice's mind. She even grew to have a crush on her best friend Corey. All summer long Alice lived stress-free, relationship-free, commitment-free, and Reese free.
One night, Corey and Alice went to the movies to see something about a raunchy talking teddy bear. While walking into the theatre, Alice and Corey were laughing over how many snacks they were able to sneak in under Alice's jacket. Turning the corner and pulling out the large bag of cheese balls from under her hoodie, Alice looked up and made direct eye contact with Reese.
Reese and Marie were with two of Reese's friends. Reese froze when he saw her, and Alice just batted her eyes and continued up the stairs as if she didn't even see him. As she and Corey climbed the stairs to the top of the theatre, Reese's eyes followed. Alice knew that it was bound to happen eventually, but she felt okay with ignoring him. He didn't mean anything to her anymore and that was okay with her. The lack of reaction from Alice made Reese realize this same conclusion, but it was not okay with him.
A few weeks went by and Reese contemplated reaching out to Alice multiple times. He and Marie were happy, but they weren't getting along as well as they once did. Reese decided to go out on a limb and talk to Alice. It was the first time they had talked since February.
Just a simple text message, two people trying to catch up. Reese seemed hesitant, like he had a year prior when he was trying to get something out of Alice without being too forward. One thing led to another and the two were talking about their plans for the rest of the summer. Alice had two weeks left before leaving for school, Reese had about a month before he left for basic training.
Reese and Alice decided to get together before Alice left for school. Reese stopped by Alice's house the next day and the two talked for a while about Marie and Reese's relationship. The two avoided talking about themselves, but after about an hour of Reese complaining to Alice about Marie- Reese kissed Alice.
"What was that for?" Alice asked, baffled by what had just happened.
"Alice, one more time? Do you even remember what it's like?" Reese suggested.
Alice did remember what it was like, she remembered all the times she didn't want to remember. It would have been easy to fall back into their old ways, but Alice was stronger now. She said goodbye to Reese that day, and really didn't have intentions of talking to him again.
Alice left for school, met Sam, who she thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with and tried finding who she was and wanted to be.
But Reese found his way back in. At first, when he found out about Alice's new boyfriend through social media- he was jealous. He made fun of him, and was quite frankly a d**k about it.
There's something about handwritten letters that make words seem so much more real. While away at basic training, Reese wrote Alice.
Alice was taken by surprise when she got his first letter. Before even opening it she called his mom.
Reese's mom, Julianne, was a short petite woman who had a heart bigger than the small town she gave so much to. She loved her son, her daughter, and she loved Alice. Julianne had been a constant in Alice's life since she met Reese. Since Alice's mom had passed away, it was hard for Alice to connect with women. No one ever truly treated her like their own until she met Julianne, and she became like a second mother to Alice. Even when Reese and Alice were on bad terms, Julianne was still there to comfort Alice. Although Julianne would never say it aloud, she always wanted Alice and Reese to end up together.
Julianne acted surprised that Reese had actually written Alice.
"Are you going to write him back?" Julianne asked.
Alice paused for a moment and thought about how this would all play out. "I don't think Sam would appreciate me writing my ex-boyfriend," she said.
"Follow your gut Alice, if you still care about him, write him back. There's nothing wrong with the two of you trying to be friends. I know he needs a friend right now while he's away" Julianne responded. She was nudging Alice back towards him.
Alice went back to her dorm and opened the letter.
Sat, Sep 26, 2015
"Dear Alice,
First off, you don't have to write me back if you don't want to. I wanted to apologize, I didn't mean to be rude when I was talking to you about your boyfriend. I hope he makes you happy! I hope college is going well and that you're having fun because you deserve it all. I'll be honest, I was really surprised to see that my mom put you in my address book, but I'm glad she did. I'm doing alright, things are both good and bad here but that's life. Anyways, just wanted to say hey, hope you're doing well A.
Sincerely,
Reese"
Reese was trying to make amends, and Alice saw that. She was still bitter over the things he put her through but, things were just different now. They both were in relationships with people that they cared about, and she decided that she wanted to be his friend.
So Alice wrote him back, she told him about her life and how she joined a sorority. She told him about Sam, and how good he was to her and that she was happy. Alice really wanted Reese to believe she was happy even if she was leading on more than the truth. But that's what exes do, they have to seem better off without each other.
After writing each other back and forth a few times, Reese sent Alice a letter on October 20th. He talked about all of the things he was doing at basic training, how hard it was on his body, but how excited he was to keep doing it. But then he started to break down some of his walls he had up about talking to her again.
"Honestly being here has been good so far, but I do find myself in times of weakness. Being here has made me look at life in a totally different light, Alice. I've realized everything that I didn't appreciate the way I should have, and it kills me every day. Everything in life is a gift and I took a lot of things and people for granted. At least now I realize the wrong in my ways, even if it's too late... Anyways, I'm thinking maybe when I get home, and If you're home on break, we could grab some lunch? I hope all is well.
Hope to hear from you soon A,
Reese"
Although he didn't come out and apologize to her for all he put her through, she still felt like he was trying to say he didn't appreciate her they way he should have. Alice was conflicted. Should she respond and ask him if that's what he meant? Should she just stop answering him now? Alice wrote him back a short letter.
October 25th, 2015
"Dear Reese,
There is a lot I could say, but I'll start by taking a guess that what you were referring to as "taking for granted", was me, or us? It seems like so long ago when we met, even though it's really only been about a year an a half. Don't blame yourself for how things turned out. We just weren't meant to be and that's okay. I think you and I really had a lot of growing up to do then, and maybe we still do now. I still care about you, and always will. You deserve to be happy too, I know you always say that to me, but its true for you too. Don't hold your past against yourself. I've been doing really well, and Sam and I are really happy. To answer your question from before- I'd like to get lunch with you over break. Hope to hear from you soon
Love Always,
A"
Alice wanted to give Reese peace of mind. She didn't want him to be worrying about how he hurt her. She was over it, and she was happy with someone else. After she sent the letter, she didn't hear from Reese for a while, he was busy and she started to get more serious with Sam.
Sam was a built similar to Reese, with big brown eyes, and dark hair. In a photo that Alice had shown Reese's mom, she teased and said that Sam looked like Reese.
After a few weeks went by, midterms had rolled around and Alice got so busy studying that she didn't check her mailbox for a bit.
November 13th, 2015
"Alice,
So I got your last letter. I always like hearing my name and seeing I got a letter from you. Anyways, I'm glad you and Sam are doing well. I don't know if you care or not but Marie and I are doing good now. We weren't about a month ago, but good now. I'm sure you're probably wondering how things got worse while I was away at boot camp...she didn't write me for literally the whole first month I was here. That messed me up for a long time, and I didn't know what to do. Things are better now though I guess, I haven't heard from her in a few weeks. I get she's busy and in school..but so are you and you have the time to write me. What would you do, if your boyfriend was in the military, would you write him a lot? I just don't know what to do A. Sorry for dumping all my problems on you. You're just the only person I can just write to and be honest with. I feel like when I write to most people I almost have to fake being happy because I don't want them to worry, especially my mom. You and I both know how she worries.
So what you said in your last letter really meant a lot, and now its my turn to get mushy gushy. About the whole taking people for granted thing, you were right it was about you. I think about you a lot A. Being here has made me think about every decision I have made. I agree with you though, when we were together we both had a lot of growing up to do. I think if we were older, like if we met now, things would have been different. But honestly what happened to us was my fault, I was young and falling in love too fast and I just didn't know what to do or how to handle it. I was stupid. I'm truly sorry for what happened and what I did to you. But everything happens for a reason and now you're happy. I used to tell my mom how I wanted you to be happy and how much you deserve to be happy, and she would tell me not to mess things up for you and Sam. I hope me writing hasn't done that. I'm glad you finally found happiness with someone. I'm glad one of us is in a good relationship and that this time it's you! I want you to know that there will always be a place in my heart for you Alice. I look forward to coming home and getting lunch with you
Write me again soon,
Reese"
Alice began writing him, trying to help him out of a bad situation, and she knew how much it meant to him. In every word he wrote though, she saw the hints of him trying to get her to admit that she wasn't happy, but that's what he did when she happy and he wasn't. She ignored those hints. She felt guilty that Marie was doing to him the things that she was. She wrote him one last final letter, telling him that he deserved happiness too. She told him that hypothetically if her boyfriend was in the military, that she would write him every day. The questions he asked, the things he told her, it started to make her think a bit. She had no idea what to tell him. Of course, her first instinct is to tell him that he should leave Marie. I mean she was awful to him, who would say and do the things she did to someone she loved? But Reese didn't see it, he was so in love with the idea of Marie that no matter the advice Alice would give him, he wouldn't listen. The day he returned home, Alice was dancing around her dorm room with Sam and her roommates listening to country and packing her suitcase because she left for home in the morning. Alice's phone rang and she jumped over a mound of clothes to find it. It was Reese's mom calling.
"Hello?" She answered.
"Hi honey," she said quietly. "Are you free to talk for a moment?"
"Yes, of course, whats up momma?" Alice said intrigued and frazzled.
"I don't have a lot of time because we're at the airport about to leave right now, but I just wanted to let you know that Reese told me everything". Julianne sounded like she was holding back tears. Alice was silent. "I just want you to know how much I love you."
Alice paused for a minute, "I love you too...what exactly did he tell you?"
"He told me everything Marie did, and how much you helped him. He told me you're the reason he made it through boot camp." Julianne was crying now.
Alice's heart sank. She had no idea that her talking to Reese had made that big of a difference. All she could say was "You're welcome, and I love you too."
"I am forever indebted to you Alice, you have done more for this family than you know."
This changed something for Alice, she thought that maybe there was still something there. She couldn't wait to see him for lunch, to see if they still had the thing that used to drive them crazy for each other.
Back home, in the snowy cold town, things were different. Reese came to see Alice's parents, and they talked like old friends. Alice soon realized that there wasn't anything there anymore. All he could do was talk about Marie, even though Marie had no idea that he was spending time with Alice. Reese still complained about all the things Marie did wrong, and how unhappy he was. He would always cover it up by saying that he "loved Marie more than anything". It got to a point where Alice would give him the same advice over and over again and he wouldn't listen. It drove Alice mad.
After going to lunch and spending time at her house, Reese and Alice sat in Reese's car in her driveway to get some privacy. The temperature was in the negatives, and even in the car, they could see their breath when they spoke.
"Alice, I wanted to say thank you for everything you did for me and my family over these past few months, you really helped all of us, especially me". Reese said to her, with a sincere and softness to his voice.
"I'm glad I could give you a light at the end of the tunnel, that I could help you."
"You know, if things were different.." Reese was cut off by Alice putting her right pointer finger in the air and waving it around.
"Shhh. Reese, we had our time. It was fun and it brought us to this point right here. Friends, something that is so much better than anything you could give me right now. We are both happy and we don't need to go messing that up. Okay?" Alice paused and just smiled, looking at Reese.
The tension between the two was undeniable.
"You're right A, I'm happy you're happy," Reese said with a half smile and his head drooped.
"And I'm happy that you are too."
The two said goodbye because she was leaving to visit Sam in a few days and wouldn't have time to see Reese again before she left. As she was getting out of the car he pulled her in for a hug and they held each other. They both sighed, and shed a tear or two.
"It was good to see you A" Reese said while hugging her. "Be good okay?"
"Okay," Alice said, and she got up and opened the door.
"I love you A" Reese said. It was the first time she had ever heard those words uttered from his mouth at her. She froze and turned to him. With a smile on her face, she nodded.
"I love you too Reese, I'll see you later."
When Alice returned back to school to finish her first year, she and Sam fell even more in love. And she and Reese stopped talking as often. They were both in serious relationships and had a lot going on in their lives. They were still friends though, and they both knew that they could go to each other if they ever needed to. They talked every now and then, but Alice was done trying to give Reese relationship advice. It broke her to see him so miserable, but it hurt her more when he wouldn't listen to her either.
When the summer came along, Alice was home and away from Sam for the first time. It was a hot and sticky summer in their town, Reese was home for a few days before he was getting re-stationed. He called Alice and asked to see her, but like him- as she was on the phone with him he pulled up in front of her house. She came out and gave him a big hug. She was so humbled to see him.
Reese brought Alice up to camp on memorial day weekend, they had a cookout, and they took the boat out on the lake while listening to country music. Reese never brought Marie out to do things like that with his family. Seeing Alice out there, laughing with his mom and sister, singing karaoke on the front of the boat, he wished that he had a girl like Alice to do this kind of stuff with. Deep down, he wished he had Alice. After a great night with the family, Reese took Alice home and he complained to her about Marie, and Alice complained back about Sam. They had become close again in just one day and could tell each other anything. Reese dropped her off and held her tight. He told her how much he loved seeing her with his family.
Alice just smiled and tried not to open her big mouth. Her mind was wandering. She could feel the tension. She knew that it was still there but she couldn't act on it. They said their goodbyes, and Alice continued on with her summer.
After Reese left, they talked on the phone once in awhile. He started to get busy with work and getting ready to move bases.
The rest of Alice's summer consisted of her going to visit Sam, and spending time with her friends and family. Especially Reese's family. She went to Anna's graduation party, helped her prepare for college, and gave her as much advice about college as she could. Anna was like a little sister to Alice.
Summer came and went faster than ever and when Alice returned for her second year of undergrad, her life really started to get busy.
Reese was going through his own problems. His and Marie's relationship was failing and he ended up moving across the country.
The middle of Alice's second year, Reese had his heart broken. He and Marie were officially over. Alice listened. She advised. He cried, and she was there. Alice couldn't gloat, or say "I told you so", even though she wanted to. Reese needed Alice more than ever and she was there for him. He blamed himself, he said that he deserved to get his heart broken. Alice begged him to see himself the way she saw him.
And that's when she realized how she really did see him. She saw him for so much more than just her friendly ex, and that made her feel guilty. She and Sam had been fine, happily in love for a year, and then one day she just woke up and realized she still loved Reese? It was too much for her.
November rolled around. A year prior, the two were writing each other letters and Alice was giving him advice on how to be happy with Marie. Now she was helping him get over her. All at the same time she began to fall back for Reese, and out with Sam.
At some point, she began to realize that it hurt Reese to see her happy. Regret maybe? Or just the thought of "what if". One night though, a phone call changed everything.
Alice and Sam had gone out drinking with a few friends, and after hours of all of the wrong types of alcohol, Sam started to get nasty. He had a temper, and Alice hated that about him. He never hurt her, but he threatened everyone else around them.
In the midst of Sam's mansplaining at the bar, Alice texted Reese, who had been drinking also. They ended up saying some things about being together, and Reese sent her the Niall Horan song This Town. She had never heard the lyrics to the song, so she read them while sitting at the bar and ignoring Sam. She lost it, and told Sam they needed to go. It was perfect timing because Sam was getting kicked out for trying to fight someone. Sam was also puking, and very intoxicated. Their friends got them home, and his roommate stepped in to help while Alice went and cleaned herself up after being thrown up on.
Alice took it upon herself to call Reese. When he answered he was concerned because he thought Alice was hurt. As soon as he answered and she heard his iconic "Hey A", she lost it all.
Drunk Alice is a very emotional person, and they started talking about everything that had happened in the past few years.
"Look, Alice, you need to know, I will always just want you to be happy. Whether that's with me, with Sam, or with some other guy. I just want you to be happy. I am so so sorry for everything I have put you through."
Alice just sat there and cried on the phone with Reese for what seemed like hours.
"I just don't understand how you still have this much hold on my heart. Why do I still love you?". She asked him, not really expecting him to answer.
"Sometimes feelings don't just go away, I know mine didn't". Alice began to hyperventilate. Ever since she was a little girl, she had always been the ugliest crier. But this was the cry of pain and regret, she felt so guilty for feeling the way she did.
They both decided to give in to the thing that had been present for the past 18 months. Their feelings had never truly faded. Alice had forgiven Reese for hurting her in the past. Love was exchanged that night, and it killed Alice because she was weak for him again.
From that point, they hid late night phone calls, and face times. They talked all the time, and Reese was never too busy to talk to her.
Winter came, and Reese pulled the whole "get ready I'm coming to get you" thing with Alice when he was home for a few days at Christmas time. He drove to her house at midnight, and he made her go to the small town 24/7 diner with him. On December 23rd, he invited her to party at a friend's with him.
Alice looked different, older. She had her hair slicked back in a low ponytail parted down the middle, with a tight black turtleneck, a denim skirt, and black tights. Reese always admired girls who dressed nice, and he looked starstruck when he saw Alice. After a few drinks, Reese and his buddies were wrestling- because that's what boys do? Right? Reese lost, but he was pretty drunk. He disappeared for a bit and Alice found him crying in the back stairwell.
Reese pushed her away.
"A, I don't want you to see me like this". He said as he covered his face. His hand was bleeding. She told him to shut up and she hugged him. She didn't ask questions. She just held him as he cried.
"I'm so sorry A" he whimpered. Alice didn't know what he was apologizing for, and she didn't want to.
All she could say was "I know".
His best friend Eric drove Alice home that night, and they talked about Reese.
"You know you're the one girl he has always cared about Alice," said Eric, trying to make her feel better.
It didn't.
Looking out the window as the snow fell that dark and early Christmas Eve morning, a tear streamed down Alice's cheek. Still, all she could say was "I know".
Reese apologized for the way he acted at the party, and Alice just wanted to avoid the situation.
Alice returned to school to finish her second year and Reese ended up getting deployed. Alice was so terrified, she prayed for him every night. She didn't talk to him for awhile after he had left. He was still trying to fix things with Marie and he tried to hide it from Alice. Alice finally got ahold of him, and they chatted about how life was. Alice, who was still in a long-term, and now toxic relationship, just told Reese she was happy.
Reese called her once in the middle of the day, it was 6 am her time, Sam was asleep next to her. Reese had just gotten some news that rocked his world and he made her promise not to tell anyone. She could hear the pain in his voice, he was terrified and hurting. She was the only one he thought he could talk to about it. She told him that she would love and support him and his family always. She meant that. She was so worried about him. He was lonely, and now he felt farther away from home than ever.
Things on Alice's end started to get bad, She was in a relationship with someone who she wasn't in love with anymore. Part of her wondered if she felt the way she did because of Reese.
Sam and Alice fought more than ever, and Alice couldn't wait to go home and get away from him.
Summer came around, and she started spending more and more time with Reese's family. His family really had become hers. Shopping trips, lunches, even a baby shower where Alice and Julianne cried in the back over a kangaroo. Things with Reese and Alice were weird, and Alice was lonely. She started to take advantage of Reese's vulnerable feelings for her.
This is my least favorite part of their story.
It was summer, and Alice's and Sam's relationship turned long distance for three months. She was home, and alone, and most of all, she was missing Reese. It was the longest they had ever gone without seeing each other. They were in completely different time zones, and most of the time it felt like two different worlds.
On late nights with her friends, after she had been drinking, she would pour her heart out to Reese. She told him things that made him think that they had a chance. He had just gotten his heart broken by Marie, and there was Alice, selfishly doing the same thing to him that Marie did for so long. Maybe they could have had a chance but Alice was too dumb to realize that. She hurt him, lead him on, she even told Reese she was leaving Sam for him.
Part of Alice meant the things she said, she did miss Reese. She did still have feelings for him, but he was halfway across the world.
Finally, Reese had enough. He told Alice to stop playing games, to chose him, to be with him. Alice said some awful and horrible things to Reese. He was telling her to choose him, or lose him and it terrified her. She was scared and hurting, and it was easier for her to hurt someone who wasn't actually there. She told Reese that she didn't love him. That he was her "back up plan". She knew at that moment that she had lost not only the boy she had always loved, but her best friend too.
At this point, Reese gave up on Alice. Who wouldn't have? They had both hurt each other in the same way. It made her stomach crawl knowing that she hurt him the way that she did. What made it all worse, is that he cut her out of his life. Reese was so hurt by her that he stopped answering her calls, texts, he even unfollowed her social media. It killed her. For the past two years almost, they could go to each other with anything, to talk about everything.
And then he was just gone.
Alice was at an all-time low in her life, and she wanted more than anything to call and hear his voice. She missed him every day, but she thought that it was for the best. She didn't truly understand the extent to what she had put him through until a call with his mom.
"Why are you, for lack of a better word, leading him on then?" Julianne asked, her tone of voice was that of disappointment almost. Alice felt awful.
Alice had missed so much of Reese's life in those few months of not speaking, that she didn't even know that he was stateside again. The conversation with his mom was interrupted. Sam had heard everything. It was the biggest fight they had ever gotten into, and Alice came clean.
Alice told Sam about her feelings for Reese, how all this time they had been talking, but how they had never acted on their feelings. He stormed out and left. Alice really had felt like she had ruined everything good in her life, and she went out on a limb and called Reese. He answered and hearing his voice say "hey A", was everything she needed.
After they talked that night, he came clean as well. Reese made a final effort to fight for her to be with him.
"A, all this time, how can you not see how much you mean to me or how much I care about you?" He kept asking questions she didn't know how to answer.
Reese sent songs that made him think of her, told her how much she meant to him. What was Alice supposed to do? She hadn't seen him in almost a year. She couldn't have just upped and left, but she should have.
Sam forgave Alice for everything, and they tried to work on it. Sam and Alice staying together after everything had broken the camels back. Reese really was done.
This is the part of the story where people cry.
Winter's back. Alice and Sam had said their goodbyes before heading home for Christmas. They were in a weird place, but they were both trying to make things work.
Alice was getting ready to go home and see her family for Christmas. Exactly one year from the last time Reese and Alice saw each other, December 23rd at the party where he cried on the stairs, Julianne made plans to take Alice to lunch. To her surprise, Julianne and Anna picked Alice up and they went to a local restaurant. The three of them talked about all of Alice's accomplishments at school, her sorority, and her plans for the future. At one point they talked about how unhappy Alice is with Sam, and for the first time, she had really admitted it out loud.
"His mom hates me, and I know she does. She is just so unmotherly. When I picture my future mother-in-law I don't picture her to treat me like Sam's mom does." Alice said, looking at Julianne. "I want my mother in law to be my best friend ya know, to treat me like a daughter."
"Like me!" Julianne said eagerly, without thinking about what she was really saying. They all froze and Julianne started to get emotional. Alice could see her begin to cry, and that broke her heart. Julianne had always wanted what's best for Alice and Reese. Alice comforted her, and Julianne said "I'm so sorry Alice, I didn't mean to bring that up."
Julianne told Alice not to settle, that Alice was too young to be trying to "make things work" with someone at 20 years old.
Alice tried to change the subject, but she didn't want to address the elephant in the room, Reese. Alice didn't ask how he was, or if he was home. She didn't want to know, even though it hurt her not knowing. She knew that they stopped talking for a reason.
Reese's best friend Eric stopped in to say hi, and none of them thought anything of it. The last time Alice had seen Eric was in the car on the way home from that party exactly one year prior. Alice was looking down at her phone and zonedout for a moment when all of a sudden Julianne scream
"REESE!" Julianne bolted from the table.
Alice looked up and there he was, standing there.
He was home.
They hadn't seen each other in a year and of course he had come home the day Alice was getting lunch with his family.
Alice's heart began to race, and slowly sank into her stomach. She could feel the emotions rising to the surface. Julianne was crying, Anna too, and Alice just sat there hiding her face in her black wool scarf. She didn't want him to know she was there, but he already knew. Alice whipped her tears and when Reese sat down, he couldn't even look her in the eyes.
Alice tried to stop herself from having a panic attack.
"You look good A, did you cut your hair?" The hesitation in his voice was almost painful. Alice just nodded her head and tried to smile. She was fighting back tears. The group could feel the awkwardness between the two, and that was their cue to leave. As Reese put his luggage in his mom's car, Julianne and Alice waited in the car.
"Honey I am so sorry, I had no idea he was coming" Her mothering eyes caught Alice's, and Alice began to cry.
"He just doesn't talk to me. I miss him so much."
Before Julianne could say anything else, Reese got back in the car and they left.
On the car ride home Reese played the same songs he had sent to Alice a few months prior. Alice was crying in the back seat when his sister asked "are you okay?". He immediately changed the song.
When they got to Alice's house, Reese walked her to the door. She stood one step above him so they could be eye level. Her cold and fragile hands were hidden in her jacket, and the snow was falling slowly, like time was moving slowly.
"You know I don't hate you right?" Reese asked while trying to look at her. Alice couldn't bring herself to look him in the eyes, she knew she would start to cry.
"Look at me A." He could tell she was hurting.
Alice turned and looked at him for a few seconds, but she could feel her lip start to quiver, and she glanced down at the ground.
"No. No Reese, I don't know that". Alice thought to herself 'how could she not? He cut her out of his life. People don't do that to someone unless they really don't want them there.'
This was the moment Alice realized he was back in control. They said their goodbyes and hugged. Reese didn't hug her for too long because he knew it would hurt her. She texted him later that night and asked if they could talk. Alice had realized her wrongs and wanted to apologize. She also really wanted to see him again. Reese told Alice that he could come pick her up and they could talk, he told to bring a bag in case it gets too late and the roads are bad. He assured her that he wouldn't sleep anyways because of the jet lag. Alice has always been able to spend the night there from when the two were in high school. When she told her dad and stepmom she was going to Reese's house her dad smirked and told her to be safe, her stepmom teased her about "Reese, the first love who she's never gotten over".
When he picked her up, the roads were starting to get pretty bad. In the car on the way there, they didn't really talk about much, just Sam, and if they were still doing well. Alice lied and said they were "really happy" but Reese called BS. Reese also mentioned that he had been seeing someone new, Lexi. Alice's heart sunk. Their timing is impeccable. But Alice ignored the fact that Reese had a new girlfriend. By the time they got back to Reese's house, it was late and Reese and Alice had already decided Alice was going to spend the night. Reese showered, and she put on a movie and got some emails sent while she waited. Of course Reese, the show off he is, had to walk out into the bedroom in a towel to get clothes. Alice covered her eyes and told him "put some damn clothes on perv". They both laughed because it's not like it wasn't anything Alice hadn't already seen before. They talked in his room for a long time. First about nothing, then about everything.
Alice is a talker, and she poured her heart out to him, apologizing for everything she did that put them in the place they were in. Reese is not a talker, and while Alice talked and talked, he listened. Her ranting went on for awhile, and neither of them had anything more to say.
In the silence, they found comfort in their loneliness. As they both shed tears, Reese embraced Alice and held her. He held her like he cared; like she meant something to him. They held each other for awhile.
They looked into each other's eyes for what seemed like hours. It was complete silence.
Just his browns getting reacquainted with her blues.
He pulled her in,
And
They made a decision that they can never forget. They made this decision the moment they saw each other, and they kept making it. Four years later they're still making the same decision.
It was around 5 AM when they wandered into the bathroom. Alice sat on the counter, Reese followed. She reached her hands out for him, and she pulled him in. His skin on was warm on hers. She held him tightly, like she knew it was the last time she would ever hold him like that again, and she let out a sigh.
"I miss you", she sighed, tracing the outline of his back tattoo with her fingernail.
All he could say was "I know", and he kissed her cheek. "Let's go to bed".
The two laid in bed and watched a Netflix show about vampires. It was like old times, almost too good to be true. The guilt hadn't hit either of them yet. They fell asleep in each other's arms, where Alice had craved to be for so long.
The next morning was Christmas Eve Day. Julianne came in and woke him up and asked "Reese when are you going to bring A home?" Alice was pretending to be asleep, and she just overheard Reese and his mom.
"Well, I don't want her to go home and be alone all day." He said. Alice perked right up and looked at both of them.
"Are you sure? I wouldn't want to intrude on your family time." Alice doesn't do anything on Christmas Eve day, and Reese knows that. She thought it was sweet of him to think of her.
"A, you are family." Reese looked at Alice and his mom, Julianne just smiled and went downstairs while Reese and Alice got ready. Alice got to spend the entire day with Reese and his family, and much like the day on the boat; at that moment they both saw what their lives could have been if they stayed together, or what they could be someday. Reese realized how much Alice and his family means to him, and Alice realized how much she still loved Reese.
All day they teased each other, making eyes from across the room. Alice got to watch Reese spend time with his new nephew too. In the kitchen, Reese would tickle Alice when no one was looking, and wink at her from across the room. They would sneak kisses behind closed doors. They had done everything wrong, but inside that house, for that day, it felt like they did something right. It felt real, even if they knew it was just for a day. They acted like a couple. Alice didn't think about Sam at all. At one point though, when Alice was taking pictures of Reese and his family, Reese's phone buzzed and she saw it was a message from Lexi. Alice started floating back down to reality. The day went by too fast, and it was already time to bring Alice home.
As Reese brought Alice home that night, she needed to do something fast. She asked him what he wanted, and over and over he just told her that he wanted her to be happy.
This is the part of the story where things get messy.
"So now what?" Alice asked as they pulled out of the driveway, avoiding the black ice at the bottom by the mailbox.
"I'll tell you now what, you're going to continue to go back to being with Sam. You're going to keep convincing yourself you're happy when you're not and you're going to forget about me and any of this". His entire attitude had changed.
"Is that what you want? Because that's not what I want Reese. What if it doesn't have to be like that?" He started to raise his voice at her.
"So what A, you're going to break up with Sam and just be with me? That's not how it f***ing works A. You can't just decide when you want to be with me when its convenient for you. I gave you the chance to be with me months ago and all you did was lead me on, and chose Sam over me. I'm with Lexi now and I can't just do that to her!". Alice was furious with him, and her impulses got the best of her.
"What do you mean you can't do that to her?! You already did. The moment we decided to cheat, you did that to her!" The two went back and forth for the entire ride home. Reese was still hurt by what Alice had done to him over the summer. Alice couldn't be mad for what Reese was telling her, she had a Sam. But then why did they let this happen? Was it all for nothing?
When they got to Alice's neighborhood, they parked on a side street for a bit. She cried and begged him to be with her. She couldn't understand how a few months before he wanted to be with her, and now he didn't. He chose the new girl, and that killed Alice.
"Listen A", Reese said with tears in his eyes. "If you're going to leave Sam, do it for you, damn it. Don't leave him for me, I'm no good. I can't give you what you want. A, I just want you to be happy, I have always just wanted you to be happy. You deserve to be happy. I don't know why you think you need to be with a guy to be happy. You're a smart, beautiful, and amazing person. You're the president of your goddamn sorority for sh*t sake Alice." Alice heard him, she did. But she didn't want to hear it. She wanted him to want her like he did 6 months ago. Alice, with tears streaming down her face, slammed her hand against the side of the car door.
"Damn it, Reese don't you see. I love you! I have always loved you! Everything we have put each other through, everything has just kept me loving you." Reese was silent, he reached his hand over and grabbed her hand to comfort her.
Alice squeezed his hand tightly. "I'm sorry A," he said. Alice whipped the tears from her face with her right hand as she looked away from him. "I know" she mumbled, "It just sucks."
"Maybe someday all this bulls*it will be worth it A, but our lives are in two different places right now, and we can't make each other happy. I can't make you happy. No matter how much I want to be able to make you happy, I can't."
Finally, after she had stopped crying, he pulled up in front of her mid-twentieth century home at the bottom of the hill. She grabbed her things, but before she could open the door he asked her if he could kiss her one last time before she left. She turned to him, and with droplets caressing the sides of their cheeks. Her small cold and shaking hands caressed the side of his face, and they shared one last kiss. They placed their foreheads on each others and looked up at each other, kissing again.
"I'm sorry A." Reese said with his head pressed against hers.
"I know." Alice replied. They said their goodbyes. He looked at her one last time before she left, and said, "Be Good, Be Happy". She looked back and said, "I will". She walked into her house like she had just seen a ghost. Her parents didn't ask questions, she just went to bed and cried. Cried like she had never before. What was a perfect day, had turned into one of the worst.
The next day was Christmas, but to her, it was the day Reese was leaving to go back to base. She had to put in one last fight, she didn't want it to end the way it did.
She drove to the airport, mentally preparing herself for what she wanted to say. Pulling in she found them walking in, and asked if she could join to say one last goodbye. There was no way Reese could say no to Alice. He was able to get her and his mom into the terminal to wait for his flight. The three sat there, waiting. As Reese sat in the middle of the two, he put one arm around his mom and another on Alice's leg. When his mom glanced over she let out a whimper. There's a part of her who has always wanted them to end up together. Alice put her hand over Reese's and held it tightly.
Soon it was time to board, and they said their goodbyes. Reese hugged Alice so tightly and tried to whisper something in her ear but her tears muffled any sounds what weren't her own thoughts. As he held her close, all she could say was that she loved him.
"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you". Crying and hugging him, she just kept saying it.
"I love you too baby", he said like he had never told anyone he loved them like that before. He held her face in his hands and kissed her forehead. He said "someday this will all be worth it, be good, be happy.", and he got on his plane and left.
Julianne and Alice stayed in the terminal until Reese's flight took off.
"You know everything happens for a reason right A? It's no coincidence that he came home the same day you were visiting us. Things might be hard right now, but they will all work themselves out. You two have too much here for this to all be for nothing. I can't tell you how, when, or if it is going to happen, but you just have to have faith that it all happened for a reason." Julianne and Alice hugged, and cried for a while. They watched as the one man that they both loved dearly took flight. Walking out, Julianne and Alice said their goodbye's and Alice drove to her sisters to enjoy the rest of her Christmas.
That night she went online and bought Reese a keychain that had the words "Be Good, Be Happy - xoxo A" engraved and sent to him. No matter what, even if they weren't speaking, it was a reminder that he too always deserved happiness.
Alice drove to her best friend Brianna's house Christmas night, and she came clean about everything that the two had been up to. Alice told Brianna everything about her life, but when things with Reese started to resurface she kept it a secret because of Sam. After Brianna knew everything, she told Alice she had to leave Sam. In the morning, Alice called Sam and broke his heart. She realized how badly she needed to be free from him, and Reese showed her that. Regardless of if they were going to be together, she knew things with Sam were over. But deep down part of her did it because she thought it would change something for Reese if she actually did leave Sam.
When she told Reese that she left Sam he was happy for her, he told her he was proud of her, and that he was always going to love and support her. For a bit, it did change things for her and Reese. The two face timed every day for a week, he told her all he could do was think about her, he even joked with Alice about the two of them getting married. It was all too good to be true. And then one day, they had the same conversation they had in the car. He couldn't find the courage to leave his girlfriend. The tables that Alice had built had flipped right over on top of her. They agreed that they would try to be friends, to go back to how it was before, but neither of them knew how to do that anymore. Their feelings for each other were too strong to just be friends, so they became nothing.
Alice didn't hear anything from him for two weeks. Not a text, not a call, not even a like on Instagram. Nothing. Finally, he called her. Alice was at a hockey game with some friends back at school and he left her a voicemail.
January 14th, 2018 at 9:55 pm-
"Hey A, it's uh- it's Reese, I'm just calling to check up on ya, hope everything is good...bye"
When she first got the call she freaked. His tone of voice was sad and low. He sounded like he had been driving. She called him back immediately and they talked. He made small talk for a bit, asked her how she was handling the breakup. After a long awkward pause, she tried to break the silence.
"I miss you, Reese". She said it on a whim that he'd say it back.
"I miss you too Alice". Her heart started to pound.
"You know things don't have to be this way" Alice said. She was desperate at this point. She couldn't handle him cutting her off again.
"Maybe someday A," he said.
It broke her. Every day she prayed for the pain to stop. How could he still have this much control over her heart?
Reese feel into a major depression after seeing Alice, he started drinking again, he made bad decisions, and he wasn't taking care of himself. Alice realized that if he was choosing to be with someone else, she had no reason to think that they would be together anytime soon. How long would have been enough time? A month, two, six, a year? No matter when Alice decided to move on, Reese would have been upset about it. Because that's the thing with him and Alice, they can never be in the same place at the same time.
He told her not to wait around for him, so she didn't.
She tried to move on, to be happy with someone else. She met Nick. Someone who made her laugh, who was nice to her, who took her mind away from all the pain she had endured in the months prior. He gave her the warm and fuzzies on the inside, butterflies and things. Alice knew Nick wasn't what she needed, but she couldn't keep missing Reese like she had been. When Reese found out that she had moved on, he was angry and upset. How could he be though? He chose to be with someone else over Alice. She was just trying to do anything to get him off her mind.
After not speaking for about a month or so, she sent Reese a bunch of letters, all of her feelings for him scattered across some clean cut lined paper. It gave her the opportunity to tell him everything, without him having to respond. She put the ball in his court and told him that if she didn't hear back from him, that she knew he was truly happy with someone else.
Ironically, he had the same idea, and sent her a letter at the same time.
"Dear Alice,
I hope all is well with you and school has been going good. I've needed to talk to you, and I figured writing a letter like old times would be the easiest way to do it. I've been telling myself for the longest time now that I needed to write you, but I just keep putting it off. I'm going to be honest with you and myself, I left Lexi... I did not leave her for you, or for another woman. I left her because a long distance relationship just won't work for me right now. I also want you to know that I think what happened when I was hope was a mistake and I am completely disgusted with myself for putting us in that situation. The bottom line is, I care about you Alice and I always will. But right now you need to be happy, and stop thinking about me. Right now I need to be alone. I can't give you what you want. I'm done getting your hopes up, and then just hurting you in the end. It hurts me just as much knowing I hurt you. So go find happiness with the person who gives you butterflies in your stomach. I'll be figuring my life out on my own. I wish you all the happiness in the world. You deserve it. So I guess this is goodbye Alice, for now...
Love always,
Reese"
The letter was not dated, so Alice had no idea when everything had actually happened. And with that, without even waiting for him the get her letters, she removed him from her life. She sent him a long goodbye text, and...she heard nothing. How could he really be done? He had left Lexi, which was for the best at the time. A few days passed until Alice finally had heard from him.
When he got her letters, everything changed and he tried to come back into her life. She wouldn't let him. She was finally moving on and he told her goodbye. She felt so stupid for giving him her heart again. So, she told him that it was done.
"Am I already out of your life?" He asked her.
"This is what you wanted Reese".
"No it's not," he said. She was furious. If this wasn't what he wanted then why would he send that letter?
The last thing he said to her on that early March morning was "Goodbye Alice. Be Good. Be Happy".
It's been almost 4 months since they have talked, Her and Nick stopped seeing each other, and she is single now and more alone than ever; living in a city with people she doesn't know and kissing boys she'll never see again. Alice has started working a normal job and is traveling home to see her family, over the summer.
Reese has completely removed Alice from his life. He has blocked her number, deleted every trace of her from his life. It's like Alice never even existed to him, but he still exists for her. As hard as it is though, Alice has realized that sometimes people are aloud to not want someone in their lives anymore, and theres nothing that you can do to change it. Alice has tried everything, but she realized that nothing was going to change the way things happened- she has given up.
Reese, he's off living his life. Doing his job, and seems to be happily in love, or at least his Instagram bio says so. He and Lexi have gotten back together and are happily doing a long distance relationship, which is the one thing he didn't want to do. Him and Lexi are getting more serious. which hurts Alice. She feels like she ruined any chance they had together, but she knows not to blame herself.
As Julianne told her, and continues to tell her, everything happens for a reason.
Alice has tried to hold on to Reese for so long, but she feels like this might be it. This might actually be the end to this epic love story not-so love story?
Again, their lives have never been more separate. Alice feels like it's for the best, that he deserves to be happy. Reese probably has stopped thinking of Alice. She misses the boy who was once her friend, but she knows that if it's ever supposed to happen; it will.
So this story doesn't really have an ending. I could give it an ending I guess, but it wouldn't be a happy one, at least not right now. These two have their whole lives ahead of them, and I guess part of me wants them to find their way back to each other.
Someday?
Maybe.
For now,
Be Good, Be Happy.
-xoxo A
Sheikh Hamdan
