Picture-Perfect Social Media Relationships Can Be Abusive Too

That 'Picture Perfect' Instagram Couple You Love Might Be Filtering Out An Abusive Relationship

How many times have you scrolled past a picture thinking, "Wow, they're so cute" only to find out months later what was really happening in the relationship?

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"The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: "He's mean." But she knows many ways in which he has been good to her. Friends say: "He treats you that way because he can get away with it. I would never let someone treat me that way." But she knows that the times when she puts her foot down the most firmly, he responds by becoming his angriest and most intimidating. When she stands up to him, he makes her pay for it—sooner or later. Friends say: "Leave him." But she knows it won't be that easy. He will promise to change. He'll get friends and relatives to feel sorry for him and pressure her to give him another chance. He'll get severely depressed, causing her to worry whether he'll be all right. And, depending on what style of abuser he is, she may know that he will become dangerous when she tries to leave him. She may even be concerned that he will try to take her children away from her, as some abusers do." ― Lundy Bancroft, "Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men"

How many times have you excused behaviors and words of another person? How many times have you tried to reason what has happened or is happening in your relationship? How many times have you blamed yourself? How many times have others become worried about you? How many times have you been afraid to speak about what has happened or is happening in your relationship? How many times have you felt trapped, upset, angry, emotional over what has happened or is happening in your relationship? How many times have you talked yourself out of calling words or actions abusive?

The Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness defines relationship abuse as, "...a pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors used to maintain power and control over a former or current intimate partner. Abuse can be emotional, financial, sexual or physical and can include threats, isolation, and intimidation."

The National Domestic Violence Hotline website breaks down each type of abuse in easier ways to spot them. I will describe a few common ones on their website. Physical abuse can be the following: pulling your hair, punching, slapping, kicking, biting or choking you, forbidding you from eating or sleeping, hurting you with weapons, preventing you from calling the police or seeking medical attention, harming your children, abandoning you in unfamiliar places, driving recklessly or dangerously when you are in the car with them and forcing you to use drugs or alcohol.

Emotional abuse is as follows: calling you names, insulting you or continually criticizing you, refusing to trust you and acting jealous or possessive, trying to isolate you from family or friends, monitoring where you go, who you call and who you spend time with, demanding to know where you are every minute, trapping you in your home or preventing you from leaving, using weapons to threaten to hurt you, punishing you by withholding affection, threatening to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets, damaging your property when they're angry (throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors, etc.), humiliating you in any way, blaming you for the abuse, accusing you of cheating and being often jealous of your outside relationships, serially cheating on you and then blaming you for his or her behavior, cheating on you intentionally to hurt you and then threatening to cheat again, cheating to prove that they are more desired, worthy, etc. than you are, attempting to control your appearance: what you wear, how much/little makeup you wear, etc., and telling you that you will never find anyone better, or that you are lucky to be with a person like them.

Digital Abuse can be the following: tells you who you can or can't be friends with on Facebook and other sites, sends you negative, insulting or even threatening emails, Facebook messages, tweets, DMs or other messages online, uses sites like Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare and others to keep constant tabs on you, puts you down in their status updates, sends you unwanted, explicit pictures and demands you send some in return, pressures you to send explicit videos, steals or insists on being given your passwords, constantly texts you and makes you feel like you can't be separated from your phone for fear that you will be punished, looks through your phone frequently, checks up on your pictures, texts and outgoing calls, tags you unkindly in pictures on Instagram, Tumblr, etc., and uses any kind of technology to monitor you.

I'm writing this article not to point fingers at anyone who has or is an abusive relationship. My goal is not to call out people and name drop. My goal is to raise awareness that relationship abuse is very real. It's a nasty thing that is not easy to talk about. It's uncomfortable and a lot of people do not know how to speak up or out about it.

You are not an object. You are not an extension of anyone. Stop making excuses and get out. I beg you to leave at the first red flag because things will not get better no matter how much they swear they will change or how much you think you can fix things.

"Women may come to the recovery process to "fix" their relationships, but what they end up learning is how to rescue and restore themselves. Many women believe, and you may too, that they need to speak and act differently so their partner behaves more favorably toward them. If your partner blames you for what "you made him do to you," over time you will end up blaming yourself. Your task is to realize that you are not responsible for his abusive behavior. Women tend to work hard to avoid being hurt or to seop their partners from abusing them, but they aren't successful. You cannot make your partner abuse you and you can't make him not abuse you. These are his choices and his alone. The task is to refocus on yourself and your recovery." ― Carol A Lambert, "Women with Controlling Partners: Taking Back Your Life from a Manipulative or Abusive Partner"

I read another girl's article as I tried to collect my thoughts into words. She pointed out in a lot of ways how we can quickly excuse certain behaviors and not think of them as abusive until it's too late. Some of these she pointed out were the following: giving up friendships until those friends became strangers, "joking" comments that make you afraid to stand up for yourself, withholding affection, not being able to say what's bothering you out of fear, having to respond immediately, not having freedom to post pictures that you want, needing approval, everything revolved around the abuser and what they wanted, no longer recognizing yourself, being told the abuser will kill themselves or hurt themselves if you leave or don't do what they say.

Speak up. Speak out. Seek help. You are not alone. Spread awareness. It's not your fault, and you have to do what's best for you.

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10 Rappers Whose Lyrics Will Take Your Instagram Captions To The Next Level

Make your life easy by choosing a caption that's already been written for you.

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Finding the perfect caption for you Instagram post is something everyone struggles with. On the contrary, the best rappers in the industry right now seem to have no problem with it. Whether it be Cardi B or Kanye West, you can always count on fire captions. Taken from the rappers themselves, here are the best rap lyrics for Instagram captions.

1. Travis Scott

Travis Scott album cover

  • "It's summertime, why they tryna throw shade?"
  • "Rollin' rollin' rollin' got me stargazin'"
  • "I got 'em stage diving out the nosebleeds"
  • "Anything can happen at the night show"
  • "This right here is astronomical"
  • "Valet park when I pull up in the ride"
  • "Pick up the phone, baby, I know you're home, baby"
  • "Oh my, what a wonderful time"
  • "She said 'where we goin?' I said 'the moon'"
  • "I been up sleepless late nights"
  • 2. Migos

    Migos II

    • "Walk it like I talk it"
    • "In the kitchen wrist moving like a stir fry"
    • "Put my mind on it, put my grind on it"
    • "We live like sopranos"
    • "Diamonds on my wrist stay drippin"
    • "Addin' up checks, no minus"
    • "I can buy that car, I know that you can't"
    • "No human being, I'm immortal"
    • "Walk in the buildin', they start applaudin'"
    • "Versace, Versace, Versace, Versace"

    3. Cardi B

    Cardi B be careful

    • "I like texts from my exes when they want a second chance"
    • "I went from dollar bills, now poppin' rubber bands"
    • "Why would I hop in some beef? When I could just hop in the Porsche"
    • "You know where I'm at, you know where I be"
    • "These expensive, these is red bottoms"
    • "I don't dance now, I make money moves"
    • "It's not a threat it's a warning, be careful with me"
    • "Poured out my whole heart to a piece of sh*t"
    • "Karma for you is gon' be who you end up with"

    4. Drake

    Drake

    • "This a Rollie, not a stopwatch, sh*t don't ever stop"
    • "I only love my bed and my mama I'm sorry"
    • "I get it how I live it, I live it how I get it"
    • "No new friends"
    • "Drinking every night because we drink to my accomplishments"
    • "This sh*t got me in my feelings"
    • "With your phone out, gotta hit them angles"
    • "My ex asked me, 'Where you movin'?' I said, 'On to better things'"
    • "My team good, we don't really need a mascot"
    • "Got new money, got new problems, got new enemies"

    5. Nicki Minaj

    Nicki Minaj

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    • "Imma keep it moving, be classy and graceful"
    • "In my kingdom, with my Timbs on"
    • "Uh, yo, watch your man, then you should watch your mouth"
    • "At least you took an L off your bucket list"
    • "Defend my honor, protect my pride"
    • "But to live doesn't mean you're alive"
    • "She just mad 'cause he never bought her ice like me"
    • "I fly with the stars in the skies"
    • "They paintin' me out to be the bad guy"
    • "All these b*tches is my sons"

    6. Mac Miller

    Mac Miller

    • "My regrets look just like a text I shouldn't send"
    • "Driving with my eyes close, missing all the signs"
    • "I'm a monster with the heart of a lion, divide and conquer"
    • "I got a bone to pick like roses"
    • "I'll do anything for a way out of my head"
    • "Your love is not too kind to me"
    • "Yeah, I got a bad attitude"
    • "No matter where life takes me, find me with a smile"
    • "Imma give you what you came for"
    • "I don't know 'bout you, but me, I'm important, I'm so gorgeous"

    7. A$AP Rocky 

    A$AP Rocky

    • "Same shit, different day"
    • "I got three phones: business, conversation, and relation"
    • "What the face say to the fist?"
    • "I look for ways to say 'I love you', but I ain't into makin' love songs"
    • "Paranoia got me losing all my z's"
    • "Make no mistakes, it's all a leap of faith for love"
    • "She ain't a stranger to the city life"
    • "Can't forget that I'm golden, can't forget where I'm going"
    • "Riding by the rules, I'll abide by it soon"
    • "Ain't a killer so don't kill the vibe"

    8. Kanye West

    Kanye West

    • "Yeah u so mother thick"
    • "Ball so hard, let's get faded"
    • "That sh*t cray"
    • "I'm tripping off the power"
    • "All of my kindness, is taken for weakness"
    • "I'm lookin' for the one have you seen her?"
    • "Don't let me get in my zone"
    • "Let's get lost tonight"
    • "Sun don't shine in the shade, bird can't fly in a cage"
    • "Reach for the stars so if you fall you land on a cloud"
    • "No you're not perfect but you're not your mistakes"

    9. A$AP Ferg

    A$AP Ferg

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    • "Gucci down to the socks"
    • "My jewelry glistening why I'm always chilly"
    • "I'm a one night savage"
    • "Put in work, put 'em in the dirt"
    • "Fergy be mobbin' all day"
    • "Ferg is the name"
    • "I'm on a new level"
    • "Don't pray for me pray for the weak"
    • "I was only 8 years old, watching Nick at Nite"
    • "I was fly like a bird"

    10. Lil Wayne 

    Lil Wayne

    • "Real G's move in silence like lasagna"
    • "I speak the truth but I guess that's a foreign language to y'all"
    • "Okay you're a goon, but what's a goon to a goblin?"
    • "I got some weight on my shoulders, to me it's like feathers"
    • "I am more animal than the zoo allow"
    • "Money talks, bullsh*t walks"
    • "Every night's a long night, every day's a holiday"
    • "I'm a cool cat, but I'm on life nine"
    • "Haters can't see me, nose bleed seats"


    No matter what the occasion, it's always good to have creative Instagram captions on hand. Nobody knows how to make clever captions than rappers themselves. Whether you need creative caption for throwing shade at someone, or you have used only emojis for your past 5 Instagram pictures, rap lyrics make the perfect caption.

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    I'm Learning To Appreciate Low Key Dates As Much As Fancy Ones

    My boyfriend once told me he considered Taco Bell drive thrus and funny Youtube video binges dates, and I didn't really appreciate that until recently.

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    When I was little, I had really grand ideas of romance and friendship. Older kids went on big fancy dates, with cute dresses, flowers, and spontaneous situations. When I came to be that age though, the idea of fancy dates became kind of lost on me, but I still liked the idea of big fancy dates if the opportunity ever arose. I'm one of those people who loves to create grand expectations for themselves, builds situations and ideas up before they even happen.

    However, as I've grown up, started earning my own income, and learned to appreciate the person more than the setting, I've learned to appreciate the cheap, low effort dates for what they are, time with a person you care about a lot, with the added bonus of more money staying in your pocket.

    My boyfriend and I are long distance, so a lot of our dates are just eating dinner together over Facebook video call and attempting to synchronize funny Youtube videos we can laugh at together. We don't get a lot of opportunities to see each other in person during the school year, so we try to make the best out of what we have. As much as I love the fancy parts of dressing up and trying new foods that come with what I guess would be considered more traditional dates, I feel more comfortable and relaxed with our low effort, low budget video call dates. A lot of that has translated into us being more comfortable around one another, something that definitely adds to our dynamic when we are around each other.

    When we are together, we like to plan these big fancy dates, but we don't always follow through. Sometimes, having no plan is more fun than sticking to one for the whole day, and figuring out fun stuff to do together. Overall, it just seems like spontaneity helps us try new things and avoid just doing the same old movie date we like to do whenever we see each other.

    My boyfriend recently told me he considers anytime we've gone to Taco Bell together a date, and we go there together a lot. At first, I thought this was silly, but then I thought of the drives we go on after or the times we've just sat there, eating and talking without having to yell over a hundred other conversations. Nothing means more to me than honest and open communication and discussion, so it started to make sense to me that we would consider all these drive-thru runs dates. We always seem to come away from them knowing a little more about the other person. Even if the food isn't exactly Michelin star quality, the relationship definitely is.

    As a romantic person, I love dates of all kinds, but in finally learning to embrace drive-thru dates, I've remembered what the whole point of a date is. A date isn't for the cute, aesthetic stories, or a reason to get dressed up (even though I really like that part).

    The whole point of a date is to get to know the person better.

    Even though I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half, there's still a lot about him I have yet to know, and I feel like there's no better setting for that then when we're at our most comfortable. And sitting on our beds two states away from each other on Facebook video chat, or stuffing our faces with cheap fast food in a parked car in front of my hometown's lake seem like pretty comfortable places if you ask me.

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