It's always a sincere privilege to think about and discuss new ideas with a renowned feminist scholar. For the third year in a row, bell hooks has just finished her week-long residency at St. Norbert College. During her stay, hooks shared her thoughts on femininity, patriarchy, and spirituality to name a few through dialog with various individuals. As a young woman seeking knowledge and formats for innovative thinking, I was beyond excited to attend the majority of her lectures. I even got a book signed by her! #fangirl

Throughout the week, I was inspired by hooks' thoughts, especially those regarding patriarchy. While she speaks in a way that suggests patriarchy is damaging and oppressive for women, bell also addresses the negative consequences for men as well. This concept took me by surprise because most often it is thought that females are the only ones affected by patriarchy. Despite my assumed awareness, I have seen countless examples of patriarchy negatively impacting men. Since they are born, boys are told messages that lead them on a path of destruction.

Be a man! Pussy. Wuss. Grow some balls! Pimp. Sissy. Why are you crying? Man up!

These words and phrases are what cause men to question their worth and their identity. They are forced to hide their emotions and put on a facade of strength and power. This image is typically portrayed through sports. Some men may feel comfortable playing sports because it reinforces their masculinity. Regardless of how they truly feel, it is a way for men to engage in aggressive behavior. Why? Because it's what they've grown up understanding as the norm. For some it is expected that they engage in sports based on their biological sex.

Now, I'm not discrediting men playing sports. If I have a son who wants to play soccer or football or hockey growing up, I will encourage this behavior. If my son wants to paint or perform on stage or play the cello, I will also encourage this behavior. It's not about what I want for my child. It's what makes them feel comfortable expressing themselves, regardless of their sex and the boxes society places them in.

Like sports, violence is often considered an "expected" activity for men to engage in. I say expected because of the stereotypes society pushes saying, "Boys will be boys" as they beat the crap out of each other. The average boy spends about about 40 hours a week watching TV, 15 hours a week playing video games, and roughly two hours a week watching porn. Through these forms of media, viewers are bombarded with images which promote domination, violence, lack of emotion, etc. This form of masculinity is normalized by society, encouraging individuals to partake in patriarchal, dominating behavior whether they realize it or not.

Additionally, we live in a culture in which sexual activity is normalized. I don't mean the sexual actions within a context where both parties consent without the influence of drugs or alcohol. I am talking about unwanted harassment and assault against men and women alike. Every nine seconds a woman is beaten or assaulted. About 14% of reported rapes involve men or boys, and one in six reported sexual assaults is against a boy and one in 25 reported sexual assaults is against a man. Why is that? The notion that we can use someone's body as a means to feel fulfilled sexually perplexes me. Despite my confusion, domination and force during sexual activity is commonly encouraged through the frequent viewing of porn. 83% of boys have seen group sex, 39% have seen bondage, and 18% have seen rape online. This only adds to issues involving sexual assault. If it was acceptable when I watched it, why would now be any different? I believe this to be a big contributor to male violence and domination in our society.

Again, I am not claiming that all men are rapists or perpetrators of sexual violence. I am not assuming that all men are violent and aggressive or objectify women through their words and actions. I am not stating that all men who play videos games will later headline the news with malicious intentions. I am not saying masculinity is wrong. If I were, then I would feel compelled to claim femininity is wrong as well due to its controversial consequences on society. I am simply addressing trends we see on a daily basis.

Masculinity has become an identity for many individuals meaning to discredit it entirely could create feelings as if their identity has been stripped which will only perpetuate the problems surrounding gender. What I am saying, however, is masculinity needs to transform in a way that encourages young boys and men to feel comfortable with who they are. We allow gender stereotypes to place us in neat boxes and the moment we attempt to change boxes, we are ridiculed. Rather than encouraging men to hide their emotion, using phrases that demean women to describe male weakness, or surrounding men with images of violence and aggression, we need to rally for a change. Without change, patriarchy will continue to hold its grip on society and have its affect on both men and women.

*The inspiration for this post also comes from a recently released documentary, "The Mask You Live In." The basis of the article and statistics are found throughout the documentary. Learn about the issue and what you can do to combat gender stereotypes and inequalities in society.*