Whether it is the The Juice Cleanse, The Master Cleanse, or Dr. Oz’s 48-Hour Cleanse, we’ve heard of it all. However, I am a firm advocate of having both a healthy body and healthy soul. Therefore, I’m the last person to sign up for a cleanse depriving me of some of the sweet treats that may not be the most beneficial in the dietary apartment but are definitely necessary for the soulful department.
As of lately, though, I’ve realized that not all cleanses need to be dietary, and not all of these detoxes are constricted to the physical realm.
Recently, I was talking with my mom, a parental figure with whom I rarely filter what I do and do not tell (though maybe I sometimes should). I’ve always been very transparent to her regarding my friendships and my opinions of those friendships.
During a recent conversation, I was utilizing my mom as my therapist, one of her many possible roles. While I was bantering on about how frustrated I was getting with some people who I often surround myself with, she interrupted my rant and simply questioned, "What’s the point?"
At first, I interpreted her question as, “What’s the point of ranting about these people?” To which I assumed that the point of me ranting to her was to prevent the anger from exploding on them. After more reflection, I understood that my mom’s contribution wasn’t referring to my current complaint, but instead highlighting the greater importance of surrounding myself with people that I don’t feel are positively contributing to my life.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not intending on immediately rejecting any people in my life that don’t benefit me and only me. This social cleanse is not to target personal gain in a social hierarchy or anything superficial along those lines.
However, my mom has a point. Why should I surround myself with people that don’t benefit my happiness, don’t challenge me to be the best person I can be or are constantly bringing unnecessary, negative circumstances into my life?
I think it’s easy to make excuses for a company with whom we have become accustomed to surrounding ourselves. Before long, mutual friends turn into expected presences and acquaintances evolve into everyday friendships. Initially, people may walk into our lives as passing relationships that maybe we wouldn’t have gravitated towards without outside circumstances. But, over time, these casual friendships may intrude on a day-to-day basis that isn’t appealing to us.
Off the top of my head, I can think of a handful of people that fit all of the upcoming categories:
1. I did not expect to form a close friendship with him/her.
2. We became closer over time because of mutual friends and convenience sake.
3. After awhile, their presence in my life transitioned from involuntary to voluntary because I became accustomed to having them around.
The final category as listed above is what resonated with me most after thinking about my mom’s question, “What’s the point?” These people that don’t benefit, challenge or positively surround me are often around because I allow them. If I don’t want to be benefited, challenged or positively influenced, though, then why should I allow such toxic personalities around me simply because it has become comfortable?
Since having this enlightening conversation with my mom, I’ve made a conscious effort to minimize the amount of communication I have with people that I don’t feel are positively contributing to my life. Instead, I’ve focused on those that tend to bring nothing but positive vibes and enjoyable times.
Though I thought that I would immediately regret their decreasing presence in my life, I found I was equally cognitive in making this initial decision as I was aware of how positive the results were. I didn’t find myself in unnecessary situations of stress or other hardships. I also didn’t find myself wasting free time contemplating these friendships, the situations imposed on me or ranting about company that consistently did me wrong.
It’s easy to become conditioned by the people with which we choose to surround ourselves. However, I am not going to cognitively decide to be passive about the company I spend my free time with.
Just as it’s important to deliberately decide who are friends are, I’ve realized that it’s just as important to decide who are friends are not.
