Do you have a loved one whose parents were divorced?
This just means they need to be loved a little bit differently. They don't want to admit it, but their heart has been affected by this whether they can tell or not. Most, like me, have refused to admit that a parent leaving had any effect on them.
However, this is a lie that they continue to tell themselves so they can prove to themselves that they are strong. Let us know that it is OK to not be strong once in awhile. Maybe they want to be the hero of their own story because the person they thought would be ended up being the villain.
When it comes to love, remember that we will do it differently. Be patient with us.
We may come off as overbearing, but why wouldn't we when we watched someone important walk out of our lives? We will constantly be apologizing because we cannot stand the fact that you might be mad at us. We are too used to feeling like everything is our fault. You're going to have to tell us every so often how much we mean to you because we constantly battle with feeling unwanted, even though that may be far from the truth. If you're not talking to us, we're going to assume you are going to walk out just like "everyone else." Sometimes, you may have to assure us that you won't, even though that can be dangerous.
Friendships can even be affected by this trauma. Even if the divorce took place long ago and seemed like it had little effect then, it will still follow in some way. Please make sure to reach out once in awhile.
Even in friendships we struggle with feeling like we are "not good enough" for you. So when you choose someone else over us, or interact with other people on social media but not us, we can feel entirely inadequate. Sometimes it takes sitting down and explaining that these feelings of unwantedness are not accurate. They may not listen at first, but keep reminding them. Keep loving them. Keep loving us. Try to put them first once in awhile.
Like I said, not all people who have divorced parents will admit to their heart still hurting from it. Even if you can tell, they are not ready to admit it yet, so don't force it. Just love them and be there for them when they are. Everyone is fighting some kind of battle. Just be there and listen.
Finally, gently remind them that you do not deserve to pay for the sins of the parent who left them.
