There were a couple times in my life that I had to walk alone. During these short instances, I have been cat-called and honked at. It used to make me feel worthless. It used to make me feel like property. Actually, it still makes me feel worthless. It still makes me feel like I am property. But I am not. I am myself.
Before I went to college, there are three present memories that I can never forget.
I was walking around in Lakewood because I was without my car while it was in the shop. I wanted food, so I was walking alone to Hawaiian Barbecue. On my way back, I counted the times I was honked at or whistled at. It became less and less than usual, but on this hot day, I was in sweats and a tank top, so I guess people felt the need to make sure I felt like shit about myself while in public. One block, three honks, two more steps, a whistle, another block, two more honks, and you know how I know it wasn't at cars? Because there were fewer drivers than usual that day. No danger. Just their need to call me out for the way I look.
Another time, I was in Safeway getting a gift for my aunt for her birthday. While finding her a tumbler, an old veteran came up to me. He asked for my hand to shake. He asked for my name. He asked where I was from (where I was really from), and told me he fought in the Korea war-- as if it were going to impress me. I felt alone and bothered. He wouldn't let go of my hand. When my answers began to be choppy and short, I think he got the hint; however, he felt the need to say this "I miss the exotic women from Asia, if you ever want to come sit on my lap, it would do me a favor." If you don't think this is gross, then please realize that I was alone. I was 18, and he was in his late 60's. And he was describing how he missed exotic women to sleep with. To sleep with, as if I was available to need to sleep with. Gross.
Or when I was getting gas before going to church. I was using cash so I needed to go into the building. A man, opened the door for me, and I could feel his eyes piercing at me. He smiled. He was behind me. And I saw him look me up and down. I was in a dress so my legs were bare, but they were just legs. I felt uncomfortable, so I came out and quickly went to pump gas. While standing, waiting, this man felt the need to roll down his window. He drove around the gas station, looping, and looping. Twice. Looking at me. I did not know anything could be that pathetic. As if the looping around the gas station would impress me. I felt so out of place. So uncomfortable.
The stories are endless, and isn't that hard to believe? No, it's not. Especially for many women. People think we are property, and it is so unnecessary to demean women to this point.
There are protests that people do that say "Don't slut shame me," but I find this slogan, unrealistic. People should just stop shaming women. People should stop using such violent and vulgar language. People should stop shaming women for their clothes. People should stop shaming women when we say no. People should just stop referring to women as a "slut."
Don't slut shame me? No. Don't shame me. Don't refer to me as a slut. Don't judge me.
Because if you become the person that tries to prevent different things like derogatory terms or rape culture, you become a person that is just saying "make sure they rape the other person." Because no job will be done unless there is a lesson to stop these actions, not prevent people to be cautious of their behavior.
So just stop.
