Yes, you read the title correctly. I am petrified of sleeping alone in the dark.

I always thought it was just a childhood phase that I eventually would grow out of. I figured it was just all the scary movies I watched with my older siblings getting to my head because I was young and naive.

Now I am nineteen and have my own dorm room but at night I must keep the lights on because I am too terrified of what could lye in the darkness.

You probably say to yourself, just turn the damn lights off and go to bed.

Let me assure you that it is not that easy.

I lock my door, get into bed, and FaceTime my boyfriend for comfort. I always leave the light on across my dorm so if I open my eyes I can see everything in my room crisp and clear. I make sure to have my Pikachu stuff animal that has the voice of my boyfriend underneath my left arm and the stuff animal ram he got me from Norway in the other. I feel secure and understand that nothing bad could happen to me if I just close my eyes and fall asleep.

Less than two minutes later I open my eyes back up in a panic and think about what if someone came banging on my door. Pulse rising, heart beating faster. I'd have to open that door.

I calm my thoughts and relax my eyelids again, let's try this sleep thing one more time.

What if I opened my eyes right now and a man was standing right in front of me and wanted to kill me.

I am petrified as I open my eyes and I realize that there is no one in my room except for me. I calm down my heart and I tell myself everything is going to be fine, just go to sleep.

I turn over onto my side instead of on my back hoping that this will cure these negatives thoughts. I rest this time for well over 5 minutes as I hear a noise. Instantly my eyes open again and I think to myself that my deepest fears are coming true.

Death is upon me and it is inevitable.

I take a deep breath and realize it is just the air turning on in my room. Sigh.

I turn to my other side, now I'm facing the wall and my back is toward the room and the only thing I can think about is opening my eyes and not being able to see who might be behind me. Even though my door is locked and I have checked the room 26 times for other life forms. I instantly shift onto my back.

I close my eyes one more time and this time I fall asleep.

This is every single night.

This isn't just a story I have made up for you readers but an actual real-life event that I have to deal with every time I go back to my dorm and get ready for bed. I am terrified of the night time and I wish there was a way to cure the paranoia in my brain.

Maybe this is relevant to you, in all honesty, I hope it is relevant to at least one person so I don't feel so alone. Just know we both will get through this and we will one day find peace in laying down at the end of the night. That soon enough all our troubles will disappear and happiness will strike us 24 hours a day and not just when the sun is awake.

I am working to limit my negative thoughts and find peace in sleeping alone. It is not like I am not trying to help myself get better, I have been living in this hell for years so of course, I want to feel okay again. I always said when I was older everything would go away but now I have realized I need to take action. I need to not be afraid.

I need to be brave.